To Set the World Ablaze

Who do I want to be? 

I'm asking myself this question on this night. And something inside me prompted me to write, not quite knowing what I'm going to say.

It started with this post from a recently discovered blog with a similar mission to ours here.

Recently, I have been gracefully blown away by the realization that my Catholic twenty-something friends and peers are changing the world.  They are young, vibrant, radiant people in love with God, who want to share that love with others through their various vocations.  

So begins the article. And before getting any further than these opening sentences, I stopped. This describes my goal in life. Right here.

For the past several weeks I've been in a sort of mental and spiritual slump. Vacation is drawing to a close and I have the difficult task of another semester's worth of work ahead of me. Last semester, I began budding out into volunteer work with my parish, particular with the high school ministry program. And I've met some great people. But I've felt somewhat torn between my secular college life and my new ministry work. I haven't quite straightened out my priorities, where I want to spread my efforts.

In the last few years I've begun to think seriously about my vocation, specifically that of marriage -- though I'm not quite sure that is where God is calling me just yet. However, with that mindset, I've finally realized I've been keeping on hold, waiting. As if, I'll know that I'm called to marriage by the appearance of my knight in shining armor. That when I meet him I'll know that God wants me to marry and begin a family and live happily ever after. So I've held my breath with almost every guy I've met, analyzing, wondering if this is the one. Even clinging a little too tightly to some of them, waiting just a little too long, hoping just a little too much.

But I cannot live my life on hold! I do not have a man waiting for me. I'd been letting the prospect of marriage shape my whole future, when I haven't even known for sure that marriage is my vocation in this life. I've held back in my ambitions after college, because a career would not be entirely practical for a married woman with children. I've fretted and worried that I need to get more experience that would be useful in homemaking, not studying those things that are my passion -- particularly science and music. I've come up with loose plans for the directions I may go after graduating in a year and a half, but always keeping the plan of marriage in the back of my mind.

And it's suffocating me: I cannot live my life on hold. If I do, however will I be able to share my love of God with others through my vocation? However will I truly blossom? How can I minister to the kids in my parish when I'm worried about other young men in my life, wondering what they think of me, and fretting over personal matters? How can I discover what I'm truly passionate about in this education that I am so lucky to receive? How can I come to know and love God truly, for the merciful, compassionate, and generous Father that He is, when I'm always worried about where He will send me, and how to make my own desires fit into His Will?

It is impossible. 

I've been hiding a lot over my vacation. I haven't been productive because I've been relishing the relaxation a little too much. I haven't wanted to think about real life and all my worries, so I've spent entirely too much time online (*ahem*) watching pointless TV shows and reading frivolous stories. I've wanted to feed my desires that I haven't yet been able to achieve.

But tonight, I've awakened something in my heart. I desire companionship, human comfort, God's love. And I will not get all of those things if my life is on hold, constantly waiting and doing nothing. No. I must live. I must fly. I must find my passions, and through them, discover an even deeper and stronger love for my God. He will allow me to blossom into His beautiful creation if I do so, if I let Him lead, and if I become radiant with His Joy.

If there is a man for me, so be it. He will come even if I stop pining over the would-be's in my life. He will come especially because I stop pining.

And so I will make mistakes. I'll make discoveries. I'll love God more than anything. I'll get off my lazy bum and try to accomplish something worthwhile, something which will help my endeavors (though I will admit that productivity is the largest hurdle to overcome).

I think that is why I so desperately wanted to write this down. To remind myself that I am not in a slump; that I do have passion remaining in me. That I do trust God's plan. That I do have desires, but I don't want them to control me.

If I have one thing as a New Year's Resolution, it is to be in more control over my life. I don't want my academic schedule to control me until I suffocate. Instead I want to make smart choices about how I spend my time and what I do to learn and discover every day. But, I want to be in control of my life by letting God control, and yielding to His will. Only then will my plans actually work because they will be His plans. In my humility I will blossom.

I am a Catholic twenty-something, and I can set the world ablaze with God's love.

First Comes the Fast, Then the Feast

First of all, may I formally congratulate our very own Laura @ Life is Beautiful on her recent engagement!  Ladies, her post about her engagement is so, so, so beautiful and genuine.  Laura, best wishes and many, many prayers as you and your man begin formal preparation for the Sacrament of Marriage!

Secondly, my last post about praying for one's future husband received such a positive response that my mind went racing a wee bit.

Encouraged by the response, I wonder if anyone would be interested in fasting together for a particular intention.  I'm thinking of a weekly fast (yes, fasting for the entire week.  It might be a good preparation for Lent, especially for those who are not accustomed to fasting); the thing to fast from (which is certainly not limited to food, especially for those of us who have health concerns and/or dietary restrictions) will be up for discussion on CYW's Facebook page and I will formally announce it on Facebook by Sunday of each week (no fasting on the Lord's day!).  The week-long fast will be from Monday to Saturday evening -- Sunday begins with the vigil on Saturday.

We will begin our weekly fasts the First week of Advent (Nov 30), so please visit our Facebook page to see this post's link and we'll begin discussing what to fast from for the first week.

As this is inspired by my previous post, our first intention for the fast will be our vocations in general.   Many (most?) of us are still discerning, which -- at least in my experience thus far -- is a very difficult, and often a painful, place to be.  Those who have found their vocations are more than welcome to join us in fasting and pray for your intentions for your vocation.

The beauty of fasting together is that we can all pray for each other's intentions (this first time being all of our vocations) as well as our own.  'Catholic' means universal and the reality of this, especially when considered through prayer, is incredible!

Also, in light of this weekly gathering and in the interest of enhancing a group conversation, I am also wondering if anyone would be interested in a Facebook group (in addition to the previously established page).  Several of us here at CYW feel that the page is there to talk "at" people; we would like to mingle more and actually have a conversation with the beautiful ladies who follow this blog.

We look forward to your thoughts via comments here and/or on Facebook!  Many blessings ♥♥♥

Praying for Your Future Husband

unrelated photo... sorta ;-)

Marriage is on my mind today because it's the first anniversary of my sister and brother-in-law's wedding and I love that today's feast (the dedication of the basilica of St. John Lateran) works so beautifully with the Sacrament of Matrimony as Andrew and Anna began their domestic church one year ago today.

Like many girls, I dream of one day keeping house with my man.  I smile to think of welcoming him home from work but probably only after our children first smother him with kisses.  I could expand quite a bit on this dream, but that would actually be contrary to my point with this post. *grins*

In the midst of these dreams -- though quite healthy and natural -- there's a temptation to obsess on the thought and think exclusively of this fairy tale life.  Even in praying for one's future spouse, there's a temptation to entertain such distractions.  Yes, it is invaluable to pray for our vocations in front of the Blessed Sacrament (be it during Adoration or at Mass) but it is also important to remember the prayer of a sacrifice.

During their courtship, my now-brother-in-law was advised to pick a day of the week in addition to Fridays to abstain from meat as a sacrifice for my sister's intentions.  In a similar fashion, there is the option for us of fasting from a particular food, dessert, social media (or even just a particular website), choosing to do a particular chore with a genuine smile or offering some other small sacrifice as we go about everyday life that would bear much fruit and better prepare you for the man that God is also preparing for you.

I was 19 years old when I got my ears pierced (wait! hold on! I promise, it relates!).  Though I frankly was not especially excited to get them pierced (the outing was a Christmas present and the occasion was a girls' night with my mom and sisters), it did not take me long to discover that I really.really.really enjoy wearing dangly earrings.  I even once told a girl friend that I'd love for my future husband to buy me dangly earrings as gifts (unless he wants to make them himself, but I'd be surprised ;-).  Earrings would be lovely gifts then; prayers, including even especially the smallest acts of sacrifices (done with great love) are the most priceless gifts I can give him now (and, of course, then).

So, pray, dear sisters.  Pray hard and take every opportunity to offer a small sacrifice.  Your man is alive today and is subject to every temptation the world has to offer.  He needs your prayers; needs them desperately.  Every little prayerful sacrifice of dying to yourself allows the Holy Spirit to transform you little by little into the woman that God created you to be.  Live abundantly, and God will greatly reward you both.

I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.

John 10:10

disclaimer: I'd have shared a practical gift a wife could buy for her husband instead of the earrings example, but I don't yet know my future husband's preferences and decided that beer was inappropriate...

When God Sends You a Nice Catholic Boy, and then Says No

Am I always writing about relationships? *cough* Is that part of my problem? Probably.

Today in the mail I got a new book called "The Keys to Life: Everyday Wisdom from Saint John Paul II." First of all, I'm a JPII fangirl so I'm very excited about this book! It's full of JPII quotes and other tidbits. The first page I turned to was so timely. Another reminder of God's presence in my life, and a segue into my topic today.

"When a young man or woman recognizes that authentic love is a precious treasure, they are also enabled to live their sexuality in accordance with the divine plan, rejecting the false models which are, unfortunately, all too frequently publicized and very widespread."

And then some advice from the editors:

"Entrust your relationships to God (especially a dating relationship) and pray today for an increase in purity of mind and body. Commit to saying a prayer for purity before every date you go on."

I wanted to write about acceptance today. Resignation. But those are actions with such a negative connotation. So instead, I'm going to write about joy.

Because while I might expect myself to feel sad, rejected, alone, miserable -- I don't. I feel joyful. I feel secure in God's arms. I feel trusting in His plan, that He's got this. I feel blessed for the great Catholic friends I have. I feel complete with God's love.

You see, He keeps telling me no. But it's not an empty "no," it's a beautiful "no" filled with such great Love. He doesn't want me to settle for anything. He doesn't want me to walk too far down the wrong path. He doesn't want to let go of my hand. He won't let me go and get myself in trouble. Instead, He's patient with me while I worry about relationships and boys and feelings. And He's clear in telling me to stop, that the time is not now. To say no and wait. But to realize all that I'm getting by saying no.

I'm getting God all to myself. I don't have to share my love with anyone -- just Him. He gets my entire heart, and then I can share His love with my friends and family. And I'm literally bursting with happiness in His arms. He's holding my heart and keeping it safe, and nurturing it when it's wounded.

I'm getting wonderful Catholic guy friends. One of my biggest problems is I've never had strong male friend figures in my life. I've never had people who know how to treat a woman, who really care about me, who are looking out for me, who consider me a great friend. Naturally, since I've never had a faithful Catholic who knows how to treat a lady, obviously when one comes along he simply must be made to marry me, right? (Seriously, my brain is a very weird thing sometimes...I blame college.)

I'm getting proof of God's grace. He let this little heartbreak happen. And then He immediately gave me the grace to get over it. Like, I wasn't even sad. I didn't cry, there was no ice cream. He gave me the grace to trust Him and keep moving forward.

As Grace wrote, why does being single have to be such a bad thing?? We tell ourselves that it's a "great time of blessing," and that we're "grateful for this time with God," but do we really believe it? I say I don't want a boyfriend and that I want to wait for the man God has for me. And yet I let myself get involved with emotional crises and then worry my head off. But it's OK, because God is very patient with me -- more patient than I deserve, especially because such incessant worrying takes my focus away from God. Not a good thing at all.

God knows what learning experiences I need. And He gives them to me, even when it does hurt. Every time something like this happens -- and yes, it's happened a lot -- God is pulling me just a little bit closer to His heart. Pretty soon, I won't be able to leave again, and I won't want to either. And isn't that the goal? Even if I end up happily married to a good Catholic man one day in the future, God still gets my first and complete Love. Then I can share God's overflowing Love with my husband.

Maybe I'll finally learn not to freak out every time a decent Catholic gentleman decides he wants to get to know me and be friends with me. That's such a novel concept in our secular dating culture. But I think I'm finally getting God's point. I'm just gonna chill, relax, wait. But it isn't acceptance and resignation. It's a joyful running towards God so He can Love me until the end of time.

Why You're Not Any Less of a Person if You Haven't Dated Yet

I feel the need to sit down and address a few things from my young female Catholic heart. There are just some things that all Catholic/Christian girls need to know...(sidenote: I am ridiculously tired of saying "Catholic-slash-Christian" because for Pete's sake, Catholics ARE Christians but then I don't like to seem like I'm specifically leaving out all Protestant girls.

Sigh. It's absurd. SO! This is for ALL GIRLS OUT THERE WHO LOVE JESUS AND WANT TO LEAD A GOOD LIFE AND HOPEFULLY END UP WITH A GREAT GUY SOMEDAY.)

I'm typing this half-blind because I literally only have one contact in right as the other one tore. Girls...the struggles of life are real. But I'm still here typing away because I'm fired up and this needs to be said, even if I can only see with one eye right now (I have beyond horrible vision).

I am so tired of singleness having such a bad rep. What? How? When? Why is that a thing?

Somewhere along the way, society transferred the label of "old maid" to young women who were of marriageable age or older but still unmarried and lived a domestic life at home. Fast forward a couple hundred years later - women have been liberated, we have the right to vote, to speak our mind, and can have a career if we should so wish.

And yet.....a woman or a young female adult in college or even a high school girl is seen as odd if she has not had a couple boyfriend/pretty serious relationships, much less even one! This even applies to guys - essentially, thanks to media portrayals and usually outside pressure from extended relatives + friends, a young person is seen as a "failure" if they haven't had a relationship.

Especially if - gasp - they haven't had a first kiss.

I was talking to a good guy friend the other day and he asked me jokingly if I had just kissed someone because apparently I had a goofy look on my face and couldn't stop smiling (let it be known, I was just tired). Then he remembered what he knew about me (we've talked about dating + life before). He laughed and said, "You don't even know what that's like because you've never-" and caught himself in time.

I kicked him anyways.

I was really tired, y'all.

But the point is, somehow our modern society decided that being single is like a disease...it means you're naive, inexperienced, and childlike.  

The Minions sum up my opinion of that best...

For a long time during my high school years, I longed to be loved and be in a relationship. Now that I'm a junior in college, I realized I never needed to be in a relationship that young. Nor do I necessarily need to be in one now! Singleness is such a wonderful season of life, but I think so many young adults/teenagers miss out on everything it has to offer, because society makes them feel inadequate - as if somehow they're not attractive enough or smart enough or funny enough to attract someone's interest.

Here's the thing...I fully believe singleness can be a good thing, And that God knows our hearts better than anyone else...I've seen friends, acquaintances and classmates have relationships in high school + college. While some long-lasting marriages + couples can begin during that time of life, most of the time, those relationships are often casual and can end in heartbreak.

Now, be assured - in no way whatsoever am I saying that dating is bad. I plan on dating eventually if I meet someone who I really respect + care for and who likewise cares + respects for me. I've grown enough as a person during college to know myself, to know who I am, and what I am looking for in a man. Not a boy...a man.

What I am saying is that I've realized for me personally at least, there's no reason to get into a bunch of different casual relationships. I'd rather wait to experience that with someone that I trust and who also knows what he wants in a significant other. Until then, it's seems somewhat pointless to me to "date for fun."

And because I've come to that decision, I refuse to be ashamed or to let anyone make me feel any less of a person. Any less of the confident, happy, content woman I'm becoming.

So girls (and guys, if there's any reading this) take heart.

Know that you are never, ever any less of a person if you've haven't dated yet. 

The Truth about Guys

When it comes to emotions and matters of the heart, Life suddenly becomes Very Complicated. I know, girls. I've been there.

Here's a few things I've learned along the way...no doubt I'll learn many new ones. I've a sneaking suspicion Life gets even more Complicated when it comes to the opposite sex as you get older. But here's some of the ones I've picked up so far.

Boys are very different from girls.

You'll rant and rave and burst into tears about it, but it's really better if you just accept the hopeless, unchangeable truth now.

Listening to slow love songs (and country songs) when you're feeling a bit neglected or heartbroken. Is. Always. A. Bad. Idea.

You'll probably do it anyways - because who doesn't love making themselves feel miserable? - but it's really not smart. It never makes anything better. Just makes you need a box of tissues and alllll the chocolate. So save the love songs when you're much more cheerful and full of pep and optimism.

Watching romantic movies.

See above. Sobbing through About Time or Pride and Prejudice when you're already heartbroken to begin with is just a baaaaaad idea. 

That boy that you're over the moon about, the one you're imagining waiting for you at the end of the isle on your wedding day...you know, the one that makes your stomach flip flop and makes you happy? Chances are, as much as you don't want to hear it, you probably will be thinking "What was I thinking when I thought I liked him???" next year.

It's the way of life, sweet peas. We go through many stages - and crushes - in our lives. So all these hopes, disappointments, and tears will be a thing of the past. And that's okay.

Chocolate helps. 

Always. Frozen yogurt or ice cream is excellent also.

If he asks you to dance, and you really want to, say yes. 

If he doesn't ask, ask him.

It's a dance, not a marriage proposal. (This applies to platonic relationships also - if you'd like to dance with the boy and he's not a complete stranger, he'll probably say yes. If he doesn't, remember that you have the right to decline dances too...it's a free country. Don't be deeply offended.)

Your mother really does know best. 

As much as it kills you to admit it.

When a guy says, "I have to go, but I'll talk to you later/I'll talk you later, okay?/ Ttyl!" it doesn't mean he's planning to text/call/finish the conversation later that day at a specific time. 

Nope. It's just a casual form of "Goodbye, I'm sure we'll end up bumping into one another some time and then we'll have another fascinating conversation, but 'til then, cheerio!"

I know. I know. It took me at least three months to accept this one. And to stop checking my phone. Because "he promised to text/call/talk later, so he must have something important to say! Right??"

Nope. Sadly. Remember #1? Different as nightingales and cuckoos, I'm telling you.

Run after God, not a boy - and then look around and see who is keeping up.

I'm the one who still has to be told that, even at 21...but it's so true, girls. We talk about love and families and the longing in our hearts and say "If only he liked me back", but I think we all realize deep down that we really want a good, strong man. One who is not only deeply rooted in his faith and his love for God, but is also a man who will encourage and help us on our walk of faith. I don't know about you girls, but I don't want a boy for that.

I want a man. A man of God.

 And you should too.

Advice for Catholic Teens

A reader recently left a comment on either my personal blog, Instagram, Pinterest, or Facebook asking if I have any advice for Catholic teens.  Well that's strange, I thought.  How can I possibly be old enough to offer such insight?  And truth be told, I never actually replied to the comment (or, at least, nothing substantial).  I've thought and prayed a lot about that comment, though, and have come to the conclusion that it deserves a reply.  Perhaps I'm not the most likely source to turn to for answers and inspiration (I'll be the first to admit that one), but I do hope that you can glean some encouragement from these words.

When I was about 17, I asked a friend (who is now a priest; then -- a Deacon) for some very similar advice.  I've still not forgotten his words: "Pray, pray, and more pray.  Also, be a good person.  Don't grow up too fast, but enjoy life as God brings it to you.  If you focus on being the best and holiest woman of God you can be -- your vocation will become pretty clear."  I'll second that for the purpose of this post, but add to it another thought (or, rather, expand on a thought).  In the words of Bl. Mother Teresa of Calcutta: 

"The more you pray, the more you will love to pray; 

and the more you love to pray, the more you will pray."

Simple as that!  *smiles and winks*

My favorite prayer has always been the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.  I began attending Mass periodically throughout the week with my homeschooled family before I ever received my First Holy Communion.  Once I had received my first Communion, I began attending Mass daily.  I've naturally gone through periods of time when I did not want to attend daily Mass (the last time I missed a Sunday Mass I think my absence was due to the flu.  But the part I felt worse about was the fact that it happened -- of all Sundays of the year -- on Easter).  I was in the 9th grade when I made the firm resolution to attend daily Mass unless circumstances prevented it.

Attending daily Mass has, among many other things, given me a much deeper appreciation and respect for my body.  During my childhood and into my early teens, dressing modestly was not necessarily a personal priority.  But I did because my parents held me to their standards (thanks be to God!).  Once in high school and I was attending daily Mass more purposefully, I began to think of it this way: when we receive the precious Body and Blood of Our Lord, we are living tabernacles of Christ the King (just as Our Lady was the very first tabernacle, having carried Christ in her womb for 9 months).  When we go to Catholic Churches today, we see the tabernacles decked out in gold to honor the Precious Treasure they are bearing.  I'm probably not going to approach the altar adorned in gold with a diadem placed upon my head, but dressing modestly and appropriately for the Holy Sacrifice is certainly the next best thing. *smiles*

My devotion to daily Mass is purely a choice.  My choice.  My parents aren't making me; they never have and I'm doubtful that they ever will.  I simply believe with all my heart that Jesus Christ -- Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity -- is present in the Eucharist.  What further reason do I need to want to attend daily Mass?

via

In a nutshell, my advice is to attend Mass and Adoration as frequently as is possible.  Masstimes.org is a great place to start to locate Churches and Mass times in your area (at least, in the United States).  Regular attendance of both Mass and Adoration is also very fruitful along the path of discernment toward one's vocation.  If you simply cannot wait to grow up and be of age for more serious discernment of your vocation: ask Our Lady now to protect your vocation.  The rosary is a great prayer for that purpose and Adoration is a great place to pray.

God bless you!

Blinded by Comparison

I know you've compared yourself to someone before. It could have been more superficial, like comparing your clothes or your skin to someone else's. Or maybe it was less obvious, if you were comparing your career interests with someone else's, your family life with someone else's, or your spiritual life with someone else's. Because we were made by God to crave and seek out companionship, we are also prone to these comparisons. We want to be accepted, we want to fit in, whatever the excuse is.

And that just cannot be. God gave each of us a special life. He gave each person different interests and talents. He gave each of us a unique story.

But oh is it difficult to keep jealousy at bay, great or small.

Let me give you two examples.

I study Biology in college, currently with interests in genetics-based research. This is such a competitive field. My friends say to me, "Wow! You already have such a head start on a career, and you have all these great opportunities, and your grades are so good!" Initially I respond that I'm really not that great (we have to at least try to be humble, right?), but then I say, well yes, but in order to get through this field, you have to be competitive. And so I often find myself comparing myself to other students at my school -- who have better grades, have done more prestigious internships or research projects, etc.

One of my dear friends is someone you probably know, Clare. Recently married, with a loving husband, and a baby on the way. (Bear with me Clare dear ;) It seems like her life is perfect, especially with a marriage so soon after graduating college. She didn't need to be a single woman in the working world before marrying, she didn't need to pray and pray for years for a child. She found a good Catholic husband with whom she will build a beautiful family.

OK. Now that I've laid that out, let's re-examine this. I'm sure Clare will be quick to tell me her life hasn't been all daisies and roses. And I know it hasn't been, even though we can all see how good God has been with His blessings, and pray that He continues to shower His grace. I'm sure it's not perfect, even though it looks perfect.

And as far as the academic competitiveness goes, I know that as important as it is to seek out experience and get good grades, I also know just having good grades doesn't make you a better applicant. It's important to be well-rounded.

During my prayer today, God impressed on me the importance of living not of this world, but of His world, and that we must be transformed if we want to be with Him in Heaven. He also told me that I cannot compare my life with anyone else's. He has a story for me that is unlike any of my friends. And there is much of it that I do not understand.

And that's OK. Yes, some girls are married by the time they graduate college or shortly after. Some aren't. And there's nothing wrong with either. Some students have had more opportunities or were smarter than others, but that doesn't mean they'll be happier in their careers than another person.

I often compare my life with others. My childhood experiences, my ideals, my dreams. And I have to stop doing that. Jesus I trust in You. It comes up again and again as the only way for us to be truly happy.

Now that I'm away from the demands of a semester work-load, I have more time to reflect on where I am and where I want to go. With that time does not come immediate understanding...in fact, more time to think may just tie my mind in more knots! But I know that comparing isn't the answer, and while I'd like to take the advice of each friend and follow it to the letter as the be all-end all solution to my life...it just won't work that way.

I thank God for my own unique story. I trust in Him to reveal His plan in due time. I know that He will tell me if I need to follow a different path than that which I am currently on. And I pray that I can practice the words I preach!

God bless ladies, and just remember God has a personal story to write for you.

Originally posted over on my personal blog. It got such a good response that I wanted to share it here in the hope that it may be a blessing to some of you ladies. Now that I'm home from college I do hope to start writing here again in the next few months. 

Walk

My grand finale of 2013 was reading Walking With Mary (a pretty sweet way to end a year and begin a new one, might I add).  If you read the book review on my personal blog, you'll find that I especially enjoyed getting to know her more as a friend and not seeing her anymore as some fictional character from the movies or a book.  I was graced with this new perspective simply because I took the time to be with her as I read the book.  The title itself invites you to walk with her on a biblical journey from Nazareth to the Cross, so I pictured myself taking a walk with her through the woods (one of my favorite activities to do alone or with a friend), simply reminiscing about times' past.  Getting to know each other better.  Walking with her.

On December 31, as I was praying about the impending events of 2014, I dearly wanted only one thing: to walk with Jesus and get to know him better.  I spent Advent journeying with his mother and learned more about him through her eyes.  Now I am preparing to finish my degree and discern the next step in my life.  And I want to do that while walking with Jesus and Mary.  I desire to slow down my brisker walking pace (read: sprint) and focus on enjoying the company of and getting to know Jesus and Mary better by walking with them.

There will be big transitions in my life in 2014.  Transitions are not something I've ever been a fan of, but I am excited to welcome this new phase.  God-willing, I'll finish my studies, pack away a few text books, giveaway the rest, leave behind the oftentimes chaotic schedule of a full-time college student, and step into the life of a young adult, hopefully working full-time and spending my free time in the company of family and friends, sharing our time and making memories together.

But I am not there yet.

So I begin this year praying for the patience and perseverance to walk with Jesus and Mary through this beautiful thing called life.

-- Originally published on my personal blog

On Discernment, Part 2

Discerning Religious Life

Jesus invited me to discern religious life through a friend at college who invited me to join the Women's Discernment group at our school.  I found it so much easier to be myself, open, and honest amongst a group of ladies who, like me, were discerning and unsure of what the future might hold for them.  Something about being on this journey together made the process of discernment so much more exciting to me: to discover the unknown and find out what lies ahead -- it's like opening a Christmas present!

Once I began discerning religious life {which can mean speaking openly about your thoughts, concerns, feelings, etc. with God in prayer, or something a bit more serious involving a leap of Faith and actually visiting a religious order or attending a discernment retreat}, I remembered why it was I was so interested in religious life during my youth.  The way of life is so beautiful and the sisters are so deliriously happy and in love with God!  

Additionally, I began to view our brothers in Christ differently.  Instead of seeing them as potential boyfriends, I saw them as who they are: our brothers. In Christ. 

Wow.  

I listen to people asking me what it was like growing up in a big, Catholic family; my friends - we are a big, Catholic family!

For much more about women religious, visit 

Imagine Sisters or Council of Major Superiors of Women Religious

Discerning Marriage

"The best way to find your future spouse is to run to Jesus, then look around and see who followed you." 

- anonymous

"A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man has to seek Him in order to find her." 

- anonymous

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Mom, you know I want to get married, but how am I supposed to discern marriage when no one ever asks me out??"

Her answer surprised me and made me take a step back to ponder and reflect: "Because you're not the dating type.  You're the marrying type and guys are aware of that."

I don't feel that I can speak too much about discerning marriage considering my extensive dating history {see above}, but I can do a very crucial aspect of discerning now that need not wait for the presence of a man: pray.  

That's all?

Well, dear, may I remind you that that is a very big 'all'.  He needs your prayers, even now.  I've heard incredible stories about how prayer affected their relationship years before they met that couples realized after they met/courted/married.  They are entirely convincing and I really believe that if you pray intentionally for your future spouse, God will reward you both.

As for the days of courtship... While attending a workshop given by Jason Evert, he said, "Hypothetically speaking, if a girl should die at the end of a date, the guy should be able to pick her up, present her to the Lord and say, 'Here is your daughter - I took care of her.'"  A relationship goes two ways and we should be able to say the same thing about our men on judgement day.

For much more on Catholic courtship, visit 
The Veil of Chastity or Chastity Project

A Vocation

Straight and simple, each of our vocations is love. What we must discern is specifically how God is calling us to love.

When I hear the words "vocation story," I tend to think only of a priestly or religious vocation.  Similarly, when I hear the words "courtship story" or "love story" I think of only the marital vocation when really each of the above terms can be appropriately applied to all vocations.  It is very important to be aware that they are all vocations.  It would be absolutely appropriate to ask a married couple to share their "vocation story" as opposed to "how did you meet?" or "What is your courtship/love/romance story?"  While not as common, one could also ask a priest or religious to share their "love" story, for seminary is to priesthood as courtship is to marriage as postulancy is to religious life.

The next two installments in this series will be 1) the vocation story of my sister, Anna, and her soon-to-be husband, Andrew and 2) the vocation story of a religious sister.

On Discernment, Part 1

Being Raised in the Faith

I'll be flat out honest: I've always felt that I'm called to the vocation of marriage.  That said, I've also always been interested in religious life.  This, I think, is what makes the discernment process difficult: we must discern between two incredibly beautiful ways of life.

I digress.

All throughout Elementary and most of high school, I was set on my discernment of one day being a wife and mother.  In high school, though still set on the idea of marriage, I began dating Someone, which really was simply succumbing to peer pressure.  Nevertheless, in that time my spiritual life deepened.  I began purposefully attending Friday night Holy Hours {read: my parents generally took me and my siblings, but one can sit there and do nothing or one can sit there and participate in prayers and add their own reflection during the silence}, making monthly confessions, and - again - purposefully attending daily Mass.  I learned more about God, love, and spirituality that way than I likely would have had I been dating a high school peer.

My Faith, though, contrary to what I thought, was not real to me then.  This reality was presented to me by way of a rejection letter from a missionary program I had applied for directly out of high school.  They told me my Faith was still so young and I should spend a couple more years at home, learning and growing, before venturing out into deeper waters with their mission.  I didn't understand them then, but I do now.  And they were absolutely right.

Getting Deeper in College

My Faith slowly but surely became real to me in college.  I still desired marriage, was interested in the concept of religious life, but had no intention of pursuing that interest.  I became involved in FOCUS Bible Studies and little by little became more open to discovering the true richness and beauty of the Faith.  I thought I already knew so much about the Faith, having received a solid Christian formation as a youth and having been instructed by some very intellectual people.  The truth was that I hadn't yet made it my own.  Surely, I was working on it, but was not there yet.

Good, Godly Friends

Before my Junior year of college, I befriended another like-minded girl who was on her way to Freshman year of college.  Yes, at the time, it is that much of an age difference, but it turned out for the better.  Her dedication to discerning God's true plan for her life was so inspiring.  She seriously discerned religious life for a time and, though she found it incredibly beautiful, welcoming, and inviting, she made a decision to more seriously discern marriage and is, today, being courted by a great, very handsome young man.

By watching her, I began to realize that, though I still feel called to marriage, I couldn't be happy and content within marriage until I was peaceful about religious life.  I had to seriously discern religious life first.  The one thing that held me back was a fear that I might discover God was actually calling me to religious life.  I brought that to prayer and discussed it with my spiritual director.  I read the Bible {ladies, Song of Songs.  Read it.}, prayed the rosary and continued attending daily Mass and frequenting the Sacrament of Confession.  And little by little I became more open to discerning religious life.

My friends, this did not happen overnight.  If you find yourself feeling "stuck" like this, bear in mind that it took me nearly a year of prayer before I reached this place in my discernment.  In light of that, please don't feel frustrated either.  Each person's story is a little bit different and God works in different hearts in different ways.  He'll reach out to you differently, perhaps, than the way He reached to me.

Part 2: purposefully discerning the religious and marital vocations.

Finding Grace

Do you have the desire deep, deep down in your heart?  The desire to fit in while still striving for holiness?  The yearning for Heaven while still living in the world, discerning your vocation, and wondering if that handsome young man you've been long in love with will ever be yours?

I recently had the opportunity to read Finding Grace, a Catholic novel by Laura Pearl.  I thoroughly enjoyed the story and journeying through life with main character, Grace Kelly.  I am delighted that the author has graciously allowed me to share about her book with you today.

Grace Kelly grew up in New York in the 1970s and, like many Catholic young women, is on the long and often difficult journey of discovering herself.  The story begins with Grace, 13, and her father sitting together on the front porch of their Plattsburgh home enjoying a simple, yet life-changing conversation in which she makes the personal resolution to become a saint.  The reader journeys with Grace as she learns about the lives of saints, faces worldly temptations, learns how to turn difficult situations into beautiful sacrifices of love, watches her brothers grow and realize their own paths and discovers that even she is worthy of true love.  She struggles with self-esteem, but desires to fit in while still striving for holiness.

This book does not explicitly answer the many life-questions so many of us wonder about, but it does show how life answers these questions as time progresses.  It shows the course of relationships and, though things might not make sense at the time, the reader sees how, in the end, God works through everything.

I've read other books that are strongly related to Finding Grace and found many of them to be rather idealistic.  Though long, this book is an easy read, realistic, and relatable.  On a personal note, reading it inspired me to deepen my prayer life and wear my miraculous medal more often {actually, constantly}.  It's inspired me to focus more on my personal Marian devotion and deepen my friendship with dear Saint Thérèse {as well as several other saints mentioned throughout the story}.  This is a great book for any Catholic young woman who is seeking to deepen her relationship with Christ.

Daily Prayer to Discover Your Vocation

I've long wondered what it was like for Our Lady growing up, before the angel visited her.  I wonder what she did for pleasure, if she enjoyed singing and dancing, and what their little family did together in the evenings.  Most of all, though, I wonder if Mary ever thought about her future, if she ever experienced anxiety or concern, and how she stayed fixed in the now.  Surely, she must have had thoughts, whether or not she entertained them, in regards to her future.  Although her discernment is among the most clear I've ever read about, I still wonder if she ever questioned.

And then I consider how much I can learn from this young teenage girl to whom our Heavenly Father graced the gift of motherhood to our Savior.  Despite the fear she felt {cf. Luke 1:30}, she said yes - fiat - to God's will and followed His plan for her life.  

What gave her the courage to say 'yes' to the unknown?  How did she overcome her fear, press onward, and give of herself so completely as to become the very first tabernacle?

She trusted in God and was full of grace.

When my sister returned from a five day Catholic Girls' Camp last month, she handed me this prayer.  If there can be 'love at first sight' in regards to a prayer or devotion, that was my reaction.  It immediately resonated with me as something I would be very comfortable praying and I knew I wanted to incorporate it into my regular prayer life.  

I feel very 'at home' {if you will} in this prayer; it speaks very positively and encouragingly of both the marital and religious vocations.  When praying it, I experience a sense of peace.  No pressure, anxiety, or confusion.  Just peace and a gentle reminder that God does have a love story written, even for me.

Heavenly Father, if it be Your holy will that I am called to the vocation of marriage, please protect my future spouse.  Keep him holy and pure so that when in Your Divine providence You bring us together, we may discover and foster the love You have always intended for us to share, even from the beginning of time.  Then, through our marriage, may we faithfully witness that love to the world each and every day of our lives.

But Lord, if it be your will that I am called to the vocation of consecrated life, then place holy people in my life to assist me along this path, not telling me what I should do, but guiding and encouraging me every step of the way, so that I may become the faithful instrument of Your grace for the souls you have entrusted to my care.  

I ask this through the intercession of our Blessed Mother Mary, and in the name of Your Son our Lord Jesus Christ, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, One God forever and ever.  Amen.

God Has His Own Time Frame

---by Elizabeth F.

I am 32 and I have been praying for quite a few years now for a husband. I’d love to have a family and I hope that it is in God’s plan for me. 

I am in a relationship with a wonderful Catholic man whom I have known for three years. We have a beautiful friendship and I feel blessed by the time I get spend with him, but sometimes the joy of it is spoiled because I want to know what is going to happen in the future. I want to know that we are going to be happily married. I want to see into the future and know what is down the road. 

I get tired of waiting for my prayers for a husband to be answered. Sometimes I have tried to discern if I should be waiting for my relationship with this man to progress to the next level or if I should be looking for someone else. Am I wasting my time with him when I should be with someone else? Each time I have prayed about breaking off the relationship with him in order to be able to start a relationship with someone else, I have always gotten the feeling that God is telling me to wait. 

But how long am I supposed to wait? I might find it easier to be content and to wait patiently if so many people weren’t telling me that my boyfriend is taking too long. I should be married by now, they say. They tell me I’m getting old and I have only so many years left in which to have children. I get many hints from different people on how to make him propose, and some even say that I should propose to him. 

Sometimes I began to feel desperate and I forget that God has my future under control. I feel like I should be making something happen. 

A few weeks ago was the feast of the Birth of St. John the Baptist. I went to Mass in a lovely little church. As I was listening to the homily, I was touched by the words of the priest. The message seemed to be especially for me. Father said: “Zechariah and Elizabeth prayed for many years for a child and for a long time it seemed that their prayers were not answered. Often it is that way with us. We may pray for something for a long time, but we do not get it as soon as we want it. God has His own time frame. Zechariah and Elizabeth had to wait for many years to have a child because their son, St. John the Baptist, was to be the herald of the Messiah and had to be born six months before Jesus. When things don’t go according to our plans, remember that God has His own plan for us and His plan may not correspond with ours.” 

“God has His own time frame.” He has His own time frame when it comes to me getting married and having a family. If things were going according to my time frame, I would be married by now. And if things were going according to the time frame of my friends, my boyfriend would certainly have proposed by now! But God has His own time frame. He has a reason why he wants me to be single right now. He has a reason why he wants me to get married when I’m a little older. God has a plan. It may not be as grand as His plan for Elizabeth - to become the mother of the herald of the Messiah, but it is a plan special just for me. 

How hard it must have been for Zechariah and Elizabeth to wait all those years to have their prayers answered. Father mentioned in his homily that in their culture it was considered a curse from God if a couple was not able to have children, so they were probably wondering what they had done wrong that God was punishing them by not giving them a child. Yet all those years they persisted in praying for a child, even when it no longer seemed possible that it could happen. God answered their pray in His own time, not in their time. They didn’t have their child at what would have been considered the ideal time of life, when they were still young. 

I can just imagine how many of her friends were constantly reminding Elizabeth of how few childbearing years she had left (just like some people do to me!) and the kind of pressure she was under to conceive before it was too late. And then it seemed it was too late. Her child bearing years had passed. But it was in this time when she could have so easily given up praying and trusting in God, that her prayers were answered and God’s special plan for her child was revealed. It was worth waiting all those years to become to mother of the Messiah’s forerunner and herald and to entertain the very mother of the Lord in her home.

During this time of waiting in my own life, I reflect on Elizabeth’s prayerful faith and I pray for the same trust in God’s perfect for my life as she had. Though I cannot see what my future holds for me, and if and when I will be married, I believe that it will happen in “God’s time frame,” according to the perfect plan that He has laid out for my life.

Elizabeth works as a secretary for a Catholic Church and attends college through online classes. She enjoys spending time with her family, especially her little nieces and nephews. She loves gardening and arranging flowers and she grows and arranges the flowers for the sanctuary in her church each week.

That Love Holiday

In just a few days, that holiday will be here. You know. The one about chocolates and flowers and romance.

Or is that what it's about?

I've always had mixed feelings about Valentine's Day. I really get into all the lace and hearts and anything pink. It's very feminine and festive, you know?

Yet sometimes I'm bothered by the secular celebration of the holiday. The way lust and emotions are focused on rather than sacrificial love and commitment. The way single men and women are left in the dust to struggle with loneliness, heartache, or jealousy. And let's not forget about the commercialism! I heard somewhere recently that the average American couple spend $126 on each other for Valentine's Day! Are you serious?!

Despite how costly Valentine's Day can be for that average American couple, I'm convinced

that we've cheapened love.

Because tonight when I look up at the crucifix above my bed, I see the truest sign of love I've ever known. And that gift of love didn't cost the Man a cent.

But it did cost His life.

No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. (John 15:13)

Ladies, my prayer for you this Valentine's Day is that you know and experience Christ's love for you in a deeply personal way this year. I cannot emphasize enough that He knows you so deeply and intimately and He loves you in a way you've never been loved before, a way you can't begin to comprehend. A way that fills you and completes you and satisfies you.

Take a moment to allow that to sink in. Even if you know it. Because every single one of us can't reflect on that truth enough.

And after we receive that love and allow it to fill our hearts to overflowing...He does ask one thing of us.

Love one another as I love you. (John 15:12)

I know some of you have husbands and boyfriends and fiancees this week. I know some of you are aching for a special man in your life--and oh, how I understand, sweet sisters! I've been there! I know some of you have taken the Lord as your spouse in religious life--or will someday. But every one of us--no matter our vocation--is called to receive the love of our God and to share it with others.

Maybe that means buying a bouquet of flowers for a friend who just went through a breakup. Maybe that means sending a card in the mail to an eldery shut-in from your parish. Maybe that means sitting in an Adoration chapel just letting God love on you. Maybe that means treating your boyfriend with purity, as a precious child of God. Maybe that means holding back the complaint on the tip of your tongue when your husband gets home late from work.

That love holiday is coming up this week. Let's show the world what real love looks like--and point them to the One who first showed us.

[And while we're celebrating love and Valentine's Day and all that...why don't you stop by Catholic Young Woman on February 14th and sign up for our very first book giveaway?!]

Sitting Inside the Uncomfortable-ness

---by Sara Flecher

As human beings we all desire the feeling of being grounded, settled, and in control of our lives. We try to plan our futures by dreaming up possible scenarios about where we will live, who we will marry, and where we will work. It is extremely uncomfortable to not know our future and to not understand everything that happens in our lives. And this uncomfortable feeling often leads us to cling to things we know and understand, even if they may not be right for us. 

Think of this in terms of our relationships. When we’re drifting in the sea of ‘single-dom’ it is natural to want to grab hold of something (or someone) that is familiar. I often think that it is because the person God has chosen for us is probably someone we haven’t met yet and it’s difficult to grab on to and find solace in an empty notion of ‘someone out there’. So we think back to previous relationships and question our decisions to end them or wonder what we did wrong to be broken up with because the unknown person or plan that God has for us is not something we can dwell on.. It’s Unknown! 

I think this is also true in regards to the Church’s teachings. Some of the views of the Catholic Church on birth control, gay marriage, and premarital sex make people very uncomfortable because they do not understand them. So their tendency is to find a viewpoint, often times contradictory to the Church’s teachings, that they do understand in order to have that anchor or that comfort of knowing. If our religion was easy to understand or easy to practice, there would be a very limited amount of goodness and grace that we could receive. But just because we may not fully understand something doesn’t mean we should go find something that’s easier to understand, it just means that we need to stay uncomfortable for a while and explore it until the Truth is revealed to us. 

So I bring the challenge to this community of young Catholic women to sit inside the uncomfortable-ness. Really feel it. It definitely has the potential to sting a little at first, but once you put yourself in that place, it is a very freeing feeling. You no longer are lost at sea trying to grab hold of whatever familiar you can find, but instead you find strength and opportunity in being open to possibilities that you can’t even begin to predict. God becomes your anchor and as you build a stronger and stronger foundation, it won’t be as easy for life circumstances to “rock your boat”. 

The future is sometimes scary and trusting God and his plan takes plenty of practice, but it is worth trying because the reward of a truly holy relationship or finding the Truth in the Church’s teachings is too phenomenal to ignore. God’s plan, the Unknown, is not something to be scared of… it is a tremendous and wonderful gift just waiting to be revealed.

Sara is a 23-year-old Master's student getting ready to graduate and enter the working world. She is a runner, an aunt, a sister to 3, a painter, and a computer scientist. This is the first time she has shared her thoughts in this type of forum and is very grateful for the opportunity!

Letter from Laura



Dear Catholic Young Women,


Merry Christmas season and a happy 2013!! I pray that our great God is pouring out His grace, peace, joy, and hope into your lives and hearts during this holy church season. You all are such a blessing in my life and I truly enjoy being part of the CYW family. :)

My team from a youth service project

As I look back on the year of 2012 in order to write my *ahem* Christmas letter a bit late, the overwhelming thread woven through the year is one of grace and redemption. Our God is always at work in our lives even when we don't see it. I've had some intense joys and intense heartaches this year, but He has redeemed so many of them and I trust Him as He continues to do so.

I think it's fun to get a glimpse into your lives when you comment on posts or email us, so here's a peek into my own life this past year...

Lifejackets can be cool, right?

I am still living in this cute little apartment with my friend A., but we've added an adorable new member to our home: we adopted a little guy named Brogan from the local humane society last January. One look at his puppy face was enough to sucker us in. In March, I fell in love with a man during an impactful mission trip to a migrant town in southern Florida and we began dating. My second precious nephew--and my first godson!--was born in April. I huffed and puffed and thought I was dying ran the Warrior Dash in June-a crazy mud run and obstacle course. It was hilarious and victorious at the same time! In August, I went on our second annual camping trip with my girlfriends. Our campsite is right on the lakefront, so we enjoyed a weekend of swimming, fishing, campfire cooking, and lots and lots of girl talk! September found me in Washington, D.C., meeting our very own Tess at Union Station! November held two very significant events in my life: P felt led to end our relationship (incredibly painful for me) and I was asked to be the Nurse Manager for a new crisis pregnancy center.

Amish country B&B trip

So as we ended the year in December, I found myself holding on to our Lord for dear life, let me tell you! :)

HE is the reason for our hope
(my local adoration chapel)

And let me also tell you-- God. Has. Been. Faithful. Girls, I cannot begin to express how faithful our God is, and how lovingly He has led me through the valleys and mountains of the years, particularly 2012. I pray my life-story can be a testament to His love and redemption, for He truly brings good from all things (Roman 8:28). November and December were powerful months in my heart and mind as I sought to keep Him first despite the challenges of heartache and a new job/ministry. But He has not let me down. Both the breakup and the crisis pregnancy position have been catalysts for His glory and grace to be made manifest. Hopefully I'll be able to share some more details with you in the future but for now, believe me that He is worth trusting and that hope does not disappoint (Romans 5:5).

I've been on a little hiatus from blogging through the holiday season, but I look forward to getting back to it, and especially to reading your Christmas letters on the link-up! Feel free to email me or visit me anytime at my blog!

In joyful hope,

Laura

Don't Plant that Idea

Since I've been at college, I've escaped from the homeschool bubble so to speak. I'd always wondered what it was like to take classes with other people, guys and girls. To be around people a lot more than I had been during high school. And we talk about boys, and all that little stuff you'd think close friends would discuss.

Tess' post about emotional chastity is extremely relevant in that situation, in which I have more guy friends than ever before, and I'm spending a lot more time with guys because of classes, studying, and just the fact we're living on the same campus. And it truly is easy to get too close to a guy. I went there. I fell for it. I made mistakes, and despite knowing what I should be doing, still got hurt. But that's a story for another day. This whole episode did make me think, however, that sometimes, perhaps the hardest thing about waiting and purity and stuff is that we girls give ourselves the idea of something.

Come on, you know you've done it. Chatted with the girlfriends about her and so-and-so. Or even yourself and so-and-so. I continue to fall for this. It's harmless chatter and fun, right? But I think, especially for high school and college aged girls, we're so looking forward to the day we'll find our future husband, and we want that day to come sooner. As much as we tell ourselves we're content with waiting, we still imagine what would happen if someone asked us on a date. Maybe he's the one. Or he. Or he.

And I think it's planting this idea in our heads that's sometimes half the problem. It's good fun to tease, but it can become harmful. I know from personal experience that just having my girlfriends put the idea of me and someone in my head is enough for me to start paying more attention to him, looking at how I act around him, and imagining if maybe he does like me and maybe does want to ask me out on a date. Without even really realizing it, we begin to imagine and wish, maybe about a guy we normally wouldn't have thought about before. Even if this guy isn't the guy you'd normally go after, or just a close friend, there -- the idea is planted.

This is another facet of the idea of emotional chastity. We feel like God is calling us to marriage, and then we can't wait to get there. We tell ourselves we're content with waiting, but is that really what's in our hearts? It's fun when everyone else is dreaming and wishing and talking about the possibility of a relationship with someone. There's teasing and laughing, and then sometimes this idea causes us to try to put this guy at the front of our minds, or if we're already friends with them, to get a little too close. Truly though, why do we do this to ourselves? Drugging ourselves on romance novels can't be a good idea, nor can watching too many romantic comedies. These things in moderation aren't a bad thing, but we can't let our imaginations run away with us.

So, for me, as much as my friends like to tease me about certain guys, I don't want to necessarily plant an idea and run with it, as much fun as it is. It's like Eponine in the "musical phenomenon" Les Miserables (which I highly recommend), who wants to be stuck as the friend-zoned girl because she let her heart run away with her for a guy who was too blind? Besides, do I really want to be hung up on some guy when God sends my real Prince Charming around? This advice is hard to follow in real life -- I know, truly, and wish I could follow my own advice. But keep praying to God for purity if this is something you're struggling with, or if you know someone who is.