I Love Modesty

---by Valeria Marta Sesenna

Lately modesty has gone out of fashion, killed by movies and television that want to convince us that if we want to be noticed we have to be sexy. And sexy means too much makeup and not enough clothes. 

Actually the word modesty suggests not really reassuring images: for me a modest girl used to be someone who dresses like a sack of potatoes. Obviously I was wrong, but I still personally prefer to use the word classy. Coco Chanel used to say, “Dress shabbily and they remember the dress; dress impeccably and they remember the woman.” It’s the same with modesty: when we dress too provocatively, we distract men’s attention from ourselves and we concentrate it on our body. They will be too busy watching our legs to notice us. And they are right: if we don’t respect our body, why should they? 

Obviously modest makeup is as important as dressing modestly. I think makeup is a very important part of a woman's appearance, both because the first thing people look at is our face, and because dressing modestly will be useless if our makeup make us look like Moulin Rouge dancers.

Don’t get me wrong, God wants us to be beautiful and attractive, but in the right way. We should always look classy and choose very carefully what we put on our face. First of all we must be appropriate. The same lipstick might be out of place in one situation and appropriate in another. Red lips are very beautiful for a party but at the office they can look a little weird. And also the same makeup can look beautiful on one girl and vulgar on another, depending on the shape of face, eyes and lips.

I’m not going to tell you what you should or shouldn’t use. I think you have to look at the mirror and try different looks to figure out what you feel comfortable in. 

For my face, I decided to do that for school/office simplicity is the best way: foundation, a matte eye shadow, mascara, and a nude lipstick or a gloss are perfect. I want to feel beautiful but also professional because I’m here to do my job and I want my coworkers to respect me. 

For a special event, such as a party, a friend’s wedding, or a date, I like to use sparkling eye shadows or pink lipstick. If I want to focus on the eyes, I leave the lip makeup very light, so I don't overdo it.

Once the outfit is completed I always ask myself: am I beautiful or hot? Will my dress and makeup make people respect me or will they think I’m inappropriate? Sometimes the answer means that I have to change  something or add more clothes. A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous, not naked or hot. Men watch girls dressed in a provocative way but they don’t respect them and don’t fall in love with them, so modesty is definitely the best choice if we want to be loved and not used.

Valeria Marta Sesenna is Italian, 22 years old and she studies law in Milan. She likes reading and writing about fashion and bioethics.

Modest Monday: Out on the Town and All Dressed Up

Happy Modest Monday (and beginning of September) everyone!

 It's been a while since I've posted here due to the craziness of starting college - Liz started also - but hopefully you'll be hearing from me again soon. :)

 In the meantime, here's the newest Modest Monday post over at my blog, My Spare Oom.

May you have a blessed, happy, and safe Labor Day!

Modest Monday: Fashionable Flights

'Tis rather belated, but here's my most recent Modest Monday post!

 I share my tips on dressing for travel - especially via airplane flights! You can find it here, at my blog, My Spare Oom.

Building Up

Recently I came across a Facebook meme that gave me pause:

  

It makes a shocking point. Yes, dressing immodestly is going to attract exactly the wrong kind of attention. And yes, “real” men don’t like it when women dress immodestly. But if we were speaking to one of our sisters in Christ about modesty, as one woman to another, the shock approach usually is  not the best one to take.

Most girls I know accept the basic principles of modesty, and strive to achieve them in their own way. But if a woman needs a reminder to live up to these standards, and perhaps—as is usually the case—isn’t quite aware she’s falling short, would this striking, frontal-assault method really encourage her to change? Wouldn’t the back-handed accusation be more likely to put her off?  

The rare case may arise, of course, when saying something so “in-your-face” and direct may be exactly what is needed to awaken a woman’s self-respect; yet, I firmly believe that when it comes to the modesty discussion among women, the overriding principle which guides our words and actions towards each other in this matter must be CHARITY. It can be all too easy to look down our noses at a woman who is wearing less coverage than we would ourselves, instead of seeing her as a daughter of God who needs to know how truly beautiful and sacred she is. When it comes to changing hearts, encouraging individual girls to respect themselves and their bodies and keep choosing the modest outfit even when another option seems more appealing, we women need to build each other up—not tear each other down.

The technical line between “modest” and “immodest” can be a matter of inches, and when this is the case, some can be discouraged in their efforts if they must forgo a pretty outfit when it is beyond the limit. I think of Maria in West Side Story, begging to be allowed a dress with a lower neckline because she thinks it will be prettier that way: “Just one inch!” she pleads, “What harm can one little inch do?” In the day-in, day-out struggle to find clothes that are modest without being frumpy or uncomfortable, the back-and-forth working out of mere technical details can make us lose sight of the proper perspective on why we have rules about dressing the way we do. And that reminder is where charity comes into play; it is our role as women to encourage each other in our pursuit of modesty, to help other women understand and recollect why modesty is so important, and why it’s worth the extra time and possible frustration. 

Speak to each other about how modesty accentuates and reveals our true beauty. Modesty shouldn’t be reduced to a mere matter of rules and inches, of where the line falls; we must remember that it is really a matter of attitude, of how we treat ourselves—which should be with respect, as temples of the Holy Spirit, designed by God to be uniquely beautiful. It can be easy to forget that modesty is not a necessary pain-in-the-neck, but rather a way of revealing our true beauty by taking extra trouble to respect the sanctity of our sexuality.

Encourage one other in charity. If you encounter a woman dressed modestly, praise her. Let her know she’s beautiful for wearing something that respects her true beauty while complementing her femininity. Who knows—she may have struggled that day to find an outfit that “works.” (We all have been there.) And if an immodestly-attired young lady overhears your praise, perhaps she’ll be influenced to dress with more modesty another day.

And above all, preach by example. Choose your outfits with deliberate respect for the glorious beauty of God’s handiwork in the human body, and do so joyfully, consistently, and without complaint. That sort of example often does more than a whole treatise on the do’s-and-don’ts of modest attire could.

So, this summer, strive to build up your sisters-in-Christ when it comes to dressing modestly in the heat. By your words and actions, help them see through charity and example that modesty is a goal because it is truly beautiful—not just because it’s morally mandatory. 

Modest Monday: 4th of July Style

Happy early 4th of July!

 I don't know about y'all, but I'm already getting in the spirit. And what better way to do so than by dressing for the occasion? 

You can find the rest of my outfit on my blog, My Spare Oom. Happy Modest Monday (and 4th of July week)!

Modest Monday: Beatin' the Heat, Modest-Style

Hey, girls! Happy Modest Monday to you. :)

Today, I'm posting over at my blog, My Spare Oom, about dressing modestly in the heat. Come take a peek - and feel free to leave a link or picture of your own MM outfit!

Beat the Heat: A Few Modesty Tips

Summer heat is probably one of the biggest enemies of modest attire  As the thermometer rises into the 90's (and 100's for some of us!) it can be frustratingly difficult to find an outfit that is both modest and supplies sufficient coverage without leaving us wilting in the heat waves and humidity.

So, in keeping with Grace's lovely "Modest Monday" series, I thought I would share this quick list of summer tips from my friend Rachel's blog. As she writes:

I find it absolutely hysterical some of the things editors and columnists try to get women to believe will make them happier - particularly when it comes to summer wear. Contrary to popular opinion, bikinis are not the only options for swimwear . . . and showing more skin in the summer will not actually help you stay cooler. 

Even those who have heard some of these suggestions before will probably benefit from a quick review at the start of this summer when it's getting hotter everyday and many of us will be living pretty active lives and doing a few more outdoors activities than usual. I hope y'all enjoy this list, and h/t to Rachel for compiling it.

God bless!

Modest Monday Week 3: Rain, Sunshine, and Roses

It's Monday....which means

 It's also Modest Monday! :) Click over to my blog, My Spare Oom, to check out my latest Modest Monday outfit. 

 

 Show me yours! I'd love to see what you wore today. All you have to do is post a pic of your outfit, write a bit about it (the different peices, your inspiration, etc.) and link to my blog. Then pop on over to My Spare Oom and leave the link to your Modest Monday post. If you don't have a blog but still want to join in, send me a picture of your outfit!

 You can email me at raewyn83@gmail (dot) com, Instagram (raewyn83) or Tweet me (GracefulEats) your pic with the tag #modestmonday.

Introducing Modest Mondays

(Reposted from my personal blog, My Spare Oom)

Hello, CYW readers! I thought I'd share with you a series of posts I started on my blog, called Monday Mondays. I've felt strongly called to start this series and am very, very excited about what God will do with it. Each week I post a modest but stylish outfit that I'm wearing each Monday, along with some thoughts on modesty. 

(Here's the first Modest Monday post. And here's Week II: Being a Girl of Substance in a World of Fluff if you're a new reader or are catching up.)

Why?

 Because I believe you don't have to sacrifice fashion for purity. 

 Modesty does not = frumpy. 

These are outfits I really, truly wear in my day-to-day life. I'm a girl determined to live a life of purity, modesty, and plenty of style.

So many girls feel the need to wear tight, clinging clothes to make a statement. After all...they have to be bold.

 Be sexy. 

Be different. 

 That's what the world tells them.

But what is different? Is it looking like every other girl or woman out there who happens to have the same idea? Is skinny jeans or wearing only a tank top for a shirt actually original? 

Hardly.

 Last week, I said that modesty is liberating - and that is true! When you are properly covered, you don't have to worry about shirts riding up, jeans/skirts sliding down, or the neck of your top gaping. 

When modesty is your first priority, your outfit becomes something you can move with ease and comfort in. And when you're comfortable, your style shines through. You're not preoccupied with making sure your clothes don't start misbehaving. You can dress with as much chicness, cuteness...or attitude as you want.

Case in point? Today's outfit.

 

I wore this not too long after the Taming of the Shrew performance I directed for a college class this spring for Honors credit. I chose to place the play in a modern setting, so for Katherine (who I played), we went for a "street punk" look. The actual costume included fire engine-red jeans. I'm much more of a skirt girl, so this was my "real-life" take on Kate. :)

Plaid shirt (borrowed from my sister's closet), Gap black camisole, thrifted black skirt, a friend's studded belt, beanie, and peach Croc flats. 

Everything from the waist up was part of my costume; I decided to soften the look and add a further touch of femininity with one of my favorite black tea-length skirts. The fluffy tulle layer at the bottom sweetened the overall look and balanced out the studded belt (which I loved, loved!). 

 

 If you don't have a studded/spiky belt, I highly recommend investing in one. It does wonders for your confidence. ;)

 Stripes. They make me happy. 

  

The red-and-black beanie was a fun pop of color and added another pattern to the mix, picking up on the plaid shirt. I used to be afraid of mixing prints and patterns, but I'm enjoying mixing them and stepping out of my comfort "everything-has-to-coordinate-perfectly" zone. This actually belonged to my friend Ariel who ended up giving it to me during the play. I'm looking forward to being able to wear it more frequently in the fall/winter!

 

So there you have it. This outfit was so much fun to wear, yet utterly comfortable. I trekked across campus, sat at desks for hours, and went through my entire day is perfect ease. Not only that, it was just a sheer fun and attitude-filled outfit. I still felt very feminine - and completely modest. I usually tend toward the flowy, Bohemian look or classic but casual skirt and cardigan combo, so I enjoyed trying a different style.

 

 I'd be so delighted if you reposted about Modest Monday on your blog or Facebook! Please help spread the word and encourage girls/young woman you know to take part.

What's your usual style? What's the hardest part about being modest for you? (For me, definitely finding things that aren't too tight. Companies seem to make clothes that run snug on purpose!)

Dressing Like Mary

---by Marissa Feiring

The Blessed Mother is the perfect woman. I'm sure we can all agree on that. But how many of us reflect our admiration of her in the way we dress? Mary has an iconic style. In all her apparitions, the seers pretty much unanimously reported that she was dressed in flowy garments, with a sash about her waist, and a veil on her head. However, it would look very unusual if we all started walking around in the fashion of 30 A.D., so we need to modernize the outfit a bit.

For a pants outfit, start with a white, flowy shirt as your starter. Tunic shirts are perfect for this. They add more coverage to your bottom area, and add grace to an otherwise ordinary pair of jeans.

Then, add a pair of bootcut or slim fitting jeans, depending on your body shape. Curvy girls get bootcut, straight-figured girls get slim jeans. If you choose to wear slim jeans, please keep it modest. Make sure they have some give and aren't skin tight. If you can't comfortably cross your legs, they are too tight.

Then, define your waist with a belt or a sash. For a truly Marian look, wear a blue belt. There are so many different shades of blue, so get creative and find one that matches your personality or coloring best. Robins egg, aqua, teal, ocean gray, midnight blue... I could go on and on!

Then, instead of a mantle, wear a beautiful headband. This company has absolutely gorgeous headbands. As a caveat, it is so hard just to pick one or two if you buy one! For footwear, find a nice, comfortable pair of ballet flats. If you possibly could, shoes in the same color as your belt or headband would really tie the outfit together. Add a simple necklace, bracelet, earrings, and ring, and your outfit is complete. Pearl jewelry is perfect for this look.

For a skirt outfit, pick out a lovely, a-line skirt in your favorite shade of blue. The skirt can be ankle or knee length, depending on your particular taste.

Then, find a white shirt with lacy details. The shirt should be rather slim cut when paired with a flowy skirt. We want to look like a lady, not a tent. The shirt should not be so slim cut, however, that you see your belly button crease through it.

Then, add a scarf to your outfit. If you can afford it, a silk scarf would be the perfect addition to your Marian wardrobe. You can either tie the scarf in your hair like a head band and let the ends flow down or drape it around your neck. It's really fun to find different ways to tie a scarf. One of the easiest is the french knot. Simply fold the scarf in half, put on your neck, and bring the ends through the loop created by folding in half. For foot wear, add a pair of sandals, ballet flats, or high heels, depending on your taste or the occasion. Then, add some feminine jewelry, and voila!

Mary is the perfect example of a pure, modest woman. Her clothes reflected her sweet virginity through simple, flowy silhouettes, and tasteful, quiet colors. As Catholic young women, we would do well to imitate her in every aspect, even in the way she dressed.

Mystical Rose, Pray for us!

Marissa Feiring is 18 years old, and a homeschool graduate. She is currently a freshman at Christendom College in VA.