Suffering

Suffering spoils many people. There are numbers of pious souls who turn away from God through suffering. Self and its claims to attention are too strong – and then, love and devotion or fidelity to our Lord give way to self-pity, murmuring, resistance, bitterness. Punishment and purification too frequently embitter the heart where self prevails, turn it from its end – from its Divine Master and Lover – and harden it in perversity... But if under sufferings, humiliations, trials, and repugnances, we have the light, grace, and courage to accept them in submission, in resignation, and self-humiliation, and with a closer movement to the bosom of our Heavenly Father, our loving Lord and Master, then never, never has our love of that Father in heaven, that blessed Master, been more thorough, more effective, and more intensely sincere.

---from the book Meditation on the Passion

Christ with Me

Most recently in our Theology class we’ve been reading and discussing the Gospel of Matthew. The Gospels are such an intimate insight to Christ’s life, and while going through them and contemplating them I had all sorts of questions about the best way to imitate Him. Many of the things He did are counterintuitive naturally, but supernaturally make nothing but the best sense.

Thought the particulars of that imitation sometimes escape me, I do know clearly at least that we are called to imitate Him. I’ve been reflecting very seriously on the duty to be Christ to others, to be “perfect as your Heavenly Father is perfect.” Admittedly I haven’t had a lot of luck, but I have had a lot of grace.

There was a step that I was forgetting, however wonderfully obvious it must have been to the rest of the world. It came to me last week when I was visiting the local nursing home with the other members of the Legion of Mary. In my less than able way I was trying to be Christ to the residents, to see them through His eyes of love, and give them the hope that He offers. From little things to talking to them about music to returning the smiles of those who couldn’t speak, I tried to be a reflection of Christ. I don’t say it was a bad goal; but it was a less than adequate perspective. It was, at its roots, a little self-absorbed.

There was one man in his wheelchair who kept looking over in my direction, though he could just barely speak, and it became clear by-and-by that he wanted me to go over to him. I did, and still with that thought of being Christ I held out my hand. He took it eagerly, held it tightly, and kissed it three times. My former perspective wasn’t lost, but in that moment it was enhanced. I saw that I was to be Christ to him, but I saw more: I saw Christ in him. I felt as though I had given my hand to Christ and He had kissed it three times.

On the drive back to campus I was pondering on it in the light of St. Patrick’s Breastplate, in which he prays that Christ will be all about him. And it made me question: is Christ truly the centre of my life? Do I see everything in the light of Him? Is He surrounding me in such a way that I see Him not only in my devotional life but also in myself and everyone around me? In short, does He utterly possess me?

It seems that the path to holiness is not so complicated as one might like to think. It is extremely simple, and so not as easy to put off. But it consists of no longer living, but letting Christ live within us. It consists of seeing everything in the light of Beloved, and as the Beloved would see. It is Christ all about us. “Be perfect, as your Heavenly Father is perfect,” and, “Whatsoever you do to my brethren, even unto the least, that you do to Me.”

What Would You Have Me Do?

Lord, what would You have me do?

Once upon a time I thought there would come a day when I would know the answer to that question, and be free to spend the rest of my life doing whatever He wanted. And, to a certain extent, I was right. There has never been a time in my life that the question hasn't been answered. God has always guided me.

But the need to ask it arises again and again. It never happens in our lives that we can see exactly what He wants of us for all our remaining time. We're forced to turn to God again and again, to stop what we're doing, to prepare to relinquish our plans, and ask: what would You have me do?

I thought that most of the mystery of my life would be solved when I went to college. There, I was convinced, I would be comfortable. I would be preparing to serve God in the world, I would have friends who would stand beside me, and I would know exactly what I was supposed to do with the next four years of my life.

I was handed a surprise. All of a sudden the next four years of my life don't seem quite so straightforward. The basic idea is still there: preparing to serve God in the world, work hard, and pray. But there are questions about what happens in the meantime. And again I'm asking: what would You have me do?

Fortunately the answer isn't always immediate. We're compelled to depend entirely on God, to trust wholly in Him, and to abandon ourselves entirely to His Will. That sort of thing isn't anxiety-producing, nor even frightening... it's positively terrifying. To be willing to give up anything and to cast ourselves into His arms is a chilling thought. And even after we've done it there's often no immediate comfort. It feels bleak and alone. But if we persist, and if we subject our wills to His, we do recognise that when we cast ourselves into His arms He pulls us close, and that we stand in a safe place.

It's about becoming little children in our relationship with Him: depending on Him for everything, trusting Him for everything, loving Him more than anything, and being so bound up in Him that we couldn't say which is our will and which is His because ours is perfectly conformed to His.

Lord, what would You have me do? Waiting for the answer to that question is painful, and sometimes the answer is far more painful than the waiting could ever be. If that happens, may God give us the grace to say: Not my will, but Thine be done.

When My Heart is Crying

---by Elizabeth from Twenty Three and Soaring

There are times when my heart is crying.

When I was little, the tears of my heart usually over-flowed into 'real' tears and I cried. Now that I'm older ... well, sometimes I cry, but most often I hold onto the tears of my heart. If I let them fall I have to explain them to my sweet, concerned family and I add to the tears they're already holding onto or crying. So ... I hold onto them.

Recently, however, I've discovered that I don't have to hold onto the tears of my heart alone ...

When I'm overwhelmed and my heart is crying, I can run to my Heavenly Father ... He doesn't need me to explain my tears, they won't add to His sorrow or stress ... and He understands. Better than I do myself, He understands the source of each tear. He who knows me by name and numbers the hairs on my head knows all the ins and outs - all the joys and sorrows - of my life and heart and He knows about each tear before it falls.

When my heart is crying I need to stop insisting - in my own strength - on holding onto my tears. Instead I need to run to my Heavenly Father and give Him my tears, knowing that He can - somehow! - make them into something beautiful for His glory and my good!

Enchanting Moons Re-visited

It was back in August that I originally wrote on a passage from Sheldon Vanauken's book A Severe Mercy. As it went, his sweetheart Davy had been asked out by an old friend who would only been in town for one evening... the evening that she and Vanauken had been intending to go to a dance. Though he was content with going to the dance alone, they decided in the end that they would regret that they hadn't spent that evening together and that they wouldn't have that memory, and they went to the dance.

I said then that it rang true for me. In a way it still does. I still understand the regret, the keen regret, that can be felt when a beautiful moment with the beloved is lost. And it's only natural that two people who love each other should want to be together.

But it seems that a couple's eyes shouldn't be fixed so much on the natural as the supernatural. To become so absorbed in one another that they forget the needs of people around them is contrary to their vocation of marriage. Marriage by its definition demands that they work together for the good of the others: their children.

The temptation to become lost in one another is understandable. And for those who have a 'pagan love', as Vanauken called his early love with Davy, what more is there? If the only immortality of their love will be the lasting glory of what it was on earth, then there's no higher goal than that should cling to every precious moment together, and make the most of opportunity.

Christianity sees no higher love than the love of God, however, and insists that treasure be stored in heaven, and that all things be directed to God's greater glory. Human love at its pinnacle is not human love at its most intense, but when it most closely reflects the love of God. Marriage is a reflection of Christ and His Church; and Christ and His Church serve the people.

This doesn't mean that those enchanting moons aren't to be treasured; but it does mean that the enchanting moons without him, though possibly tinged with regret, are hardly wasted. Perhaps if the choice were set before you, you would still choose to have them without him, if God could be better served that way. The moonlit nights are precious indeed; but for all their beauty they can't compare with eternity.

Not a Single Moment Wasted

The Christmas holidays are over. Tomorrow I'll be back in the classroom at the start of another semester. The break was restful... a good three weeks of catching up on sleep, reading books merely for pleasure, and drinking tea by the fire. It was delightful... playing music, teaching some of the boys how to waltz, and taking old-time rambles through the woods. It was fun... sledding, snowball fights, and staying up with the older boys 'til the wee sma' hours telling scary stories.

It was all those things. In addition it went by terribly fast. And in a way it really was terrible. There seems to be so little time left.

'It went by terribly fast' is something that doesn't apply simply to these past three weeks of break, but to all my life so far. It didn't feel like it at times, of course. At times I couldn't wait to grow up, to get a start on my life, and find out what God wanted me to do. I would get restless at home. It's easy to say: "Be patient. Your childhood will go by faster than you know it. Soon you'll be wishing that it had been longer." Easy to say, hard to believe in the moment.

And I wonder if any young ambitious person will ever realise how precious those years at home are before it's too late. For my part, as a young lady who will never 'really' be home again, I wish that I'd treasured my childhood a little more. I wish I'd be grateful for what I had. I wish I hadn't been so concerned with the future that I forgot the present. I'm about to start school again, and all I can say is... it went by terribly fast.

But I can still treasure every moment that I have at home, though it will only be a few weeks out of the year now. And I can be truly grateful for the time I have at college, with hard work and good friends. That's going to go by fast, too, and one day I'll be wondering where it all went and why I didn't appreciate it more.

It is, I think, part of being a saint: being grateful to God for everything He gives us, and living fully in the present moment out of love for Him. It will still go by too fast, but at least not a single moment of it will have been wasted.

Resolutions for the New Year - Part 2

G.K. Chesterton said that the point of a new year is not that we should have a new year, but a new soul. And I'm sure that we all have a new soul somewhere in mind... but I wonder how often it sits in the back of our minds. My biggest resolution is to bring the idea of a new soul to the forefront of my attention, and in a manner styled of St. Therese of Lisieux and her Little Way: learning virtue and achieving sanctity through the small and everyday tasks of life.

Prayer. To pray without ceasing. To remain conscious of God in all my doings of the day. To begin and end all things with a prayer. To meet all trials and tests with a prayer. To converse with God at least as often as I converse with my friends.

Simplicity. To demand nothing, but to be grateful for every small blessing. To be simple in my speech and actions. To continually attempt great things for God's glory but to be content with little or no reward and recognition. To serve God to the fullest even in the little things.

Patience. To think of Christ crucified in every trial, temptation, and sorrow. To bear the faults of all others without complaint. To have patience with myself when I fail and continue immediately on rather than waste time regretting.

Kindness. To give myself in the service of others. To be aware of others and their needs. To always look for an excuse to help others. To be cheerful always and not disturb others by my sullen moods. To do especially little things that can't be attributed back to me.

Joy. To be full of the joy of the Faith and to display it for others to see. To persist in being joyful even when it's impossible to be happy. To take particular joy in suffering because it is the surest path to salvation.

Peace. To constantly seek God to rest in Him. To condition my soul to be peaceful. To have a quiet interior no matter what happens about me, and to let it show in my exterior. To let my confidence in God's love show by meeting trouble with gentleness.

Prudence. To consider what is the most virtuous way to act and then act on reason rather than blindly following emotional impulses. To be balanced in all things and avoid being either too easy or too rigid. To be sure of God's will before acting.

Diligence. To persist earnestly in spite of all difficulties. To rest, but never to give in. To put my utmost effort into any task I've been assigned.

Humility. To realise that I can do nothing without God. To depend on Him entirely for everything. To give Him the glory for my successes always. To always consider the needs of others as above my own. To be always conscious of how much I have been given and how little I deserve it.

Detachment. To love nothing more than I love God. To rest only in Him. To be willing to give anything up for His sake. To conform my will entirely to His. To want only what He wants and to want all other things because He wants them.

Faith. To believe that in spite of every difficulty God will show his steadfast love. To will to believe in Him even when my feelings can't correspond. To show exterior signs of my confidence in Him to help others in their faith.

Hope. To expect nothing, but to hope for everything. To keep my eyes fixed on eternity and continue to salvation even if everything else is lost.

Love. To love God with all my heart and mind and soul. To love my neighbour as myself. To love every particular person in my life the way God would have me, and no more and no more less. To long more than anything else for them that their souls be saved and that they do God's Will. To embrace the cross.