The Grass is Greener

---by Aspirer

HE > I

Where God is... that's where the grass is greener.

I just want to see His glorious garden.

Right now I'm watering my own little garden, trimming here and there so it can look as much like God's garden as possible. Because I want my garden to be reminiscent of Him. I want people to look at my garden and think, "Wow, you know, her garden reminds me of Someone Else's." So I weed out what's ugly and plant what's beautiful: I'm planting lilies. And pansies. And roses. But sometimes the thorns on the roses prick me and I bleed. However, that doesn't matter since I'll do whatever it takes to get my garden. And sometimes those little episodes are what I need because they make me stronger, more knowledgeable; I'll know that using gloves next time is better, or holding the stem in a certain way keeps me safe from scratches. And the fact that I keep gardening despite these hardships testifies to God that I love Him so much that it doesn't matter if I get hurt. In fact, it proves that my love for His things is stronger because of those hurts.

And maybe some people will uproot some of my garden, or animals will come and eat away what I've planted. But, if I ask, the Master Gardener will notice that I'm struggling, and He'll come over and teach me how to do things right. How to fix those offenses. How to make things truly beautiful. And once my garden is complete, He'll take me to view His own perfect paradise, more vast and more brilliant than anyone's ever seen or heard.

I just have to keep going. As long as I'm faithful to keeping up what I have for love of Him, it'll be beautiful by the time I'm done.

Aspirer is 17 years old, Catholic, and homeschooled with a love for all things pertaining to God's truth and beauty. She considers herself somewhat a tomboy for all her athletic pursuits but certainly enjoys singing, dressing up, and dancing as well. She blogs at Heavenly Aspirations. Join her there with a cup of tea?

Fiat: A Meditation on Courageous Trust

---by Holly Sino

Recently I finished...no, devoured the book Consoling the Heart of Jesus by Father Michael Gaitley. If you have not read this book you definitely should! I was so consoled by this retreat alive with the message of merciful love and trust that I decided to write a reflection inspired by the meditations and words of the work. So take a minute, relax, and allow me to share with you what the Lord has inspired in me.

Slow down, take a deep breath, and Allow yourself to come before the Lord just as you are. Imagine the Lord hanging in agony upon the cross. You want so desperately to help Him but you are suddenly aware that on your own you are empty handed and begin to feel helpless. This is the moment of ecce- coming before the Lord as we are in all of our weakness and brokenness, just like Mary came before the Angel Gabriel, just as she was- a handmaid of the Lord.

You slowly look up and are met with the tender gaze of our Lord. In His eyes you find mercy and an undying, passionate love. But then you look deeper, and you find something else. The Lord is asking you to let go- to surrender everything that keeps you away from loving Him completely.

Turning, you find yourself looking at a gentle woman in blue standing near the cross. As you approach the cross you realize that the woman beckoning you forward is Mother Mary. She lovingly takes you into her embrace and lifts you up to the Lord. There you again encounter the glance of mercy and communicate your "yes" to the Lord through this intimate encounter. This is the moment of our fiat- although the the mere thought attempting to imitate Mary's fiat can seem overwhelming, she being our model of holiness shows us how to live out our own fiat, just as God has called us in each of our own vocations.

As we come down from the cross, transformed by this great grace of our fiat, we contemplate the Lord's infinite love in the arms of our mother, and there we live out magnificat- while praising and glorifying our Lord and Savior.

You see, when we proclaim our own Fiat, the stores of grace fall in torrents from the heavens and transform our souls. In our moments of Magnificat, we are able to praise and glorify God in all that we do by being a living witness to His goodness and Mercy- simply by our acts of humble and courageous trust that are so precious and dear to Our Lord's sorrowing Heart.

And so the journey of faith goes on.... 

Ecce...Fiat...Magnificat

Ecce...Fiat ...Magnificat 

Holly Siino is a college student who loves coffee, writing, books, and Mary and Jesus of course! She currently works at an elementary school and is studying to become a teacher someday.

Laugh Lines

---by Iris Hanlin

I was watching random video clips on YouTube during my off time the other afternoon, I stumbled across a Nat Geo documentary about the (often ludicrous) lengths some people are taking in order to preserve their youthfulness, to find their own “Fountain of Youth.”

I was shocked and saddened by the whole thing…

One man has devoted his life to practicing yoga and urine therapy in the mountains and another has undergone over forty plastic surgery procedures.  They’ve spent their life trying to obliterate any signs of it on their bodies.

I love my laugh lines and my crow’s feet and my scars...

The way I see it is: why would I ever want to get rid of them?

They tell me who I am.  They share part of my story.  Some of my memories.

That I care.  And maybe even what it is I care about.

Call me too heavy.  Call me too old.  Call me too skinny and young and naive.  But I'm not afraid of telling the world that I think I'm beautiful.

I'm not a narcissist.

I am just a girl.  I'm just a girl who is sick and tired of commercials and corporations and people telling me that I'm not sufficient and how I need to fix myself.

I like who I am, and I'm okay with the way I look.

Sure, I'm not perfect, but I am me.  And I am working on my flaws.

So what if I have a bit of a belly or the beginnings of crows feet around my eyes - I am comfortable with that.

I just want people to know that it is okay to feel beautiful, and that self-love is not weird (to an extent).  It's okay to feel comfortable in your own skin, even if it's not perfect, or up to the world's "standards," if you can even call them that.

I'm fit, I'm healthy.

I'm just right.

You are too.

Iris Hanlin is a 19-year-old second-year formerly-homeschooled journalism student in small town Michigan. She lives a somewhat nomadic life as a professional petsitter, director of public relations for her local pro-life group, photographer, and blogger.  She operates under the tagline "just a simple country girl with a passion for life and everything that comes with it," and the motto "ad maiorem dei gloriam."  She blogs at Country Girl's Daybook.

I Love Modesty

---by Valeria Marta Sesenna

Lately modesty has gone out of fashion, killed by movies and television that want to convince us that if we want to be noticed we have to be sexy. And sexy means too much makeup and not enough clothes. 

Actually the word modesty suggests not really reassuring images: for me a modest girl used to be someone who dresses like a sack of potatoes. Obviously I was wrong, but I still personally prefer to use the word classy. Coco Chanel used to say, “Dress shabbily and they remember the dress; dress impeccably and they remember the woman.” It’s the same with modesty: when we dress too provocatively, we distract men’s attention from ourselves and we concentrate it on our body. They will be too busy watching our legs to notice us. And they are right: if we don’t respect our body, why should they? 

Obviously modest makeup is as important as dressing modestly. I think makeup is a very important part of a woman's appearance, both because the first thing people look at is our face, and because dressing modestly will be useless if our makeup make us look like Moulin Rouge dancers.

Don’t get me wrong, God wants us to be beautiful and attractive, but in the right way. We should always look classy and choose very carefully what we put on our face. First of all we must be appropriate. The same lipstick might be out of place in one situation and appropriate in another. Red lips are very beautiful for a party but at the office they can look a little weird. And also the same makeup can look beautiful on one girl and vulgar on another, depending on the shape of face, eyes and lips.

I’m not going to tell you what you should or shouldn’t use. I think you have to look at the mirror and try different looks to figure out what you feel comfortable in. 

For my face, I decided to do that for school/office simplicity is the best way: foundation, a matte eye shadow, mascara, and a nude lipstick or a gloss are perfect. I want to feel beautiful but also professional because I’m here to do my job and I want my coworkers to respect me. 

For a special event, such as a party, a friend’s wedding, or a date, I like to use sparkling eye shadows or pink lipstick. If I want to focus on the eyes, I leave the lip makeup very light, so I don't overdo it.

Once the outfit is completed I always ask myself: am I beautiful or hot? Will my dress and makeup make people respect me or will they think I’m inappropriate? Sometimes the answer means that I have to change  something or add more clothes. A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous, not naked or hot. Men watch girls dressed in a provocative way but they don’t respect them and don’t fall in love with them, so modesty is definitely the best choice if we want to be loved and not used.

Valeria Marta Sesenna is Italian, 22 years old and she studies law in Milan. She likes reading and writing about fashion and bioethics.

Love One Another

---by Shannon Riordan

I’ve come to notice more and more how often I catch myself making assumptions and judging not only the people I know, but even perfect strangers! It’s a shameful downfall that I fight against daily and as a result I have learned a very important lesson. 

Recently, I attended a short evening retreat given by my college campus ministry, focusing on the topic of family. While I was there listening to others talk about their families, something hit me. Everyone has heard of dysfunctional families and how indifference, hate, and absence can destroy a family from the inside out. But what about the families who allow wholesome, courageous, abundant, and strengthening, genuine love to just work passively in their familial relationships rather than letting it actively flourish? 

No matter who you are or how “perfect” your family may seem, there is always someone who is missing the true meaning of loving one’s family. Maybe there is a family member who you love because their family, but liking them is another story altogether. Or the family member who you care for dearly, but from whom you are shown little love in return or are met with total indifference. Or maybe you’re a college student who now that you’re living away from home, no longer feels the need to remain connected with your family except for the occasional holiday break. Or maybe you are enjoying the company of your family, but without fully appreciating their love and support. 

Whatever the case may be, we all struggle with a situation in which we do not fully realize or understand something very integral to family life and the life of a Christian. And that is the fact that God specifically placed you in the family you are a member of. Equally true is that fact that each and every one of us was made in the Image and Likeness of God and therefore, He is reflected in us all. Now we don’t always exude this fact, especially during instances of sin. Nevertheless, what if I were to say to you that in knowing and loving your family more, you were actually getting a fuller and deeper understanding of God Himself?

Imagine that all the people in your life, family, friends, acquaintances, and even all the perfect strangers that you have ever met, were all singularly unique puzzle pieces to the Divine Image to which Our Lord wished for you to see and put together in order to experience a closer, deeper understanding and love of His Divine Being? Did your mind just explode with this amazing realization?! I know mine did when this idea first took root.

This amazingly unique opportunity to love the flaws and singularity of every individual because they are reflections of God Himself, offers us an even deeper meaning to Christ’s command that we love one another; for He has chosen to dwell in each of us.

So instead of assuming and judging others, let us first think what is it Christ wishes me to learn from this brother/sister of mine? Or even better, what is it Christ wishes for me to reveal about His Love to this person? I encourage you to take this idea to prayer and ask the Lord what it is He wishes you to see, learn, and love in each of your family members and all those you encounter. I assure you that you will be astounded by the abundance of grace God will pour on you in reply.

Shannon Riordan is just an ordinary 21 year old cradle-Catholic, sister to two siblings, daughter to two wonderful parents, and college senior still trying to decide what she wants to do after graduation!

Half-a-dozen Commandments for Catholic Fangirls

---by Peregrin

I’m not going to lie. I’m such a fangirl, through-and-through. Whether I’m gushing over The Lord of the Rings and Tolkien’s beautiful poetic writing style, or freaking out while watching North and South, or because Mumford & Sons and The High Kings have such good music, or swooning because Les Mis is on and who doesn’t swoon when it’s on (seriously though?), or dying because I’ve just read an amazing book on the life of soon-to-be Saint Pope John Paul II… (basically, doing typical homeschool nerd teenage girl stuff), I’m into it. Fully. Trying to be fully engaged, fully alive. Trying to love life to the greatest extent. 

But the problem at hand is that when I like, I don’t like. I love. And when I love, few things will get me to change my affections. And this can be hard, because sometimes, it’s quite easy to be smitten with certain people who don’t even know that you exist. I do hope that you know what I’m talking about… 

Anyway. So I’ve been thinking about all of this and I’ve been trying to ask myself… Is there a fine line to the ethics of fangirling over actors and other celebrities? Where could it morph into emotional unchastity? How is what I am doing different from what the screaming masses of stereotypical teenage girls are doing? (To answer the last question, I think that one of the main differences is that I will NOT choose heroes based on looks alone. And I fangirl with utmost great dignity. Well… you know. Not the screaming way, but the philosophical way. *grins*)

Here, I’ve compiled half-a-dozen tips that I’ve been (almost subconsciously) trying to put into good use. Basically, it’s simple. Love your faraway heroes with all your heart, pray for your faraway heroes with all your heart, and remember to be a shining light of grace and beauty for the simpler, everyday heroes in your own life. 

1. Thou shalt value thy heroes not only for their looks or their talents, but for the full weight of honor that God hath bestowed upon them when He made them in His image and likeness.
2. Thou shalt do thy research, and based upon the facts that thou wilt acquire, conduct thyself appropriately.
3. Thou shalt pray for thy heroes often, that they may be the best of themselves and that they may find the path to Heaven, where hopefully thou canst talk with them for eternity. 
4. Thou shalt use the AMDG test.
5. Thy heroes shalt lead thee to a better understanding of chivalrous action and the honor of authentic womanhood.
6. Thou shalt not set impossible barriers for thyself and for any other man.

Now let’s dig a bit deeper. First and foremost. It’s easy to get outraged and indignant when men treat women with little respect. Sadly, it’s even more common for girls to cheapen the dignity of men. Do we look beneath the attractiveness of our heroes to find their souls? The human body, although beautifully made and crafted in the image of God, is but a shell. Really, the soul is what matters.

You could say, “He has gorgeous eyes.” But I challenge you – look through the eyes. If his eyes are that beautiful, then why don’t you stare into them for a moment? The eyes are the windows to the soul. Look at them. Are they filled with a true sense of joy? Are they mocking, perhaps, and a bit despairing, or tired? Does true nobility shine through those depths? 

Point number two. It’s pretty simple. Do research. Is he truly a good man, or is the body beautiful and the soul corrupted and in need of redemptive love? I would seriously never dream of fangirling over a man who had only good looks. For me, his deeds would tarnish his handsome face. 

Point the third. Pray. Pray. My friend and I have a running joke that’s not quite such a joke – we think that some of our favorite actors may just be indeed called to the priesthood. It’s a sweet thing that we talk about often. But… but just what if that’s true? And how awesome would it be? Let’s take a moment and think about JRR Tolkien and CS Lewis. Both devout Christians, the former was responsible for leading the latter to the realization of Christ and His glory. We all know that God makes everybody for a purpose. Our heroes have a purpose in this life (and the purpose is not exactly running away from that rabid, screaming girls who go far beyond normal to stalk them). Pray that they find that true purpose.

Number four. The AMDG test. (It’s short for the Ad majorem Dei gloriam test, which means “for the greater glory of God”.) When we’re praising an actor, are we giving thanks to God? Are we giving credit to its rightful source? Or are we attributing all goodness to the actor himself? Do we acknowledge that God created all of the Darcys and the Knightleys of the world? Do we keep in mind that all of their talents come from God and should be used solely to lead others to God? We should always be looking for the wonderfulness of the human spirit. Give glory where glory is due. 

Five. When I swoon over the Tom Hiddleston quote that says that women should be respected, it also galvanizes me (well, as soon as I recover from the swoon, that is… *smiles*) to delve deeper into the meaning of true womanhood as set down by Mary’s example and Pope John Paul II’s words. If I want men to read that quote and put it into practice, I guess that I want to be a better girl as well. Otherwise, the guys in my life will read that quote and dismiss the idea of truly living it out because, really, why should they if I’m not being the lady that I should be? Do we look to our heroes as inspirations? Do we admire their chivalry in the right context? Does it make us long to become more ladylike and Blessed Mother-like? 

Point the last. It’s important to remember that we don’t actually know these men very well. In fact, we don’t know them at all. We can admire things that they say in an interview and we can appreciate the little things that they do on camera. I could look at you and tell you that so-and-so went to Cambridge, and so-and-so knows how to speak French, and I-have-no-idea-who used to live in wherever, and on and on… And sometimes I’m dumb enough to think, “Wow, we need more people to be like him.” Or else my thought process goes something like this. “1. Goodness, he’s amazing. And noble. 2. Too bad he’s in England.” 

But really, if you think about it, I don’t know him. At all. And I don’t feel the need to know him, no, not when I’ve been blessed to know so many wonderful others. And all that information? It’s all trivia. Trivia about a glamorized man. So don’t go about thinking that in real life, he’s perfect and so much better than the people that you may really, truly know. 

In Gone With the Wind, Scarlett O’Hara fell in lust (because I’m not going to say that she “fell in love”; if anything, it’s the exact virtual opposite) with a man named Ashley Wilkes. She was captivated by him because he was so different from the rest of the county swains. He seemed to be nobler, of a loftier dignity. She had already made up her own mind about the type of man that she would be willing to fall in love with – Ashley came along, and she smacked her aspirations and dreams onto him. 

“He never really existed at all, except in my imagination. I loved something I made up, something that’s dead. I made a pretty suit of clothes and fell in love with it. And when Ashley came riding along, so handsome, so different, I put that suit on him and made him wear it whether it fitted him or not. And I wouldn’t see what he really was. I kept on loving the pretty clothes – and not him at all.” (~ GWTW, 816.) 

Oh, Scarlett – you turned down the prospect of true, thrilling love for a dream. “So do I marvel at you, who have bartered heaven for earth.” (Anton Chekov, “The Bet”) She missed true love. It went on its course, it departed from her, all the while when she was moaning over Ashley, straining to sit by him, doing little things like that to satiate her lust. She was wallowing over something impossible and dead while life coursed by her. 

Wow, I’m in no way saying that we’re all like that. (I know I’m definitely not like this, and I believe you aren’t either. Which is good, right? *smiles*) 

The whole world isn’t composed of our lofty heroes. Every single man out there is definitely not your favorite actor. (Wow, think about that – that would be a bit creepy, yes?) Nor are they all JRR Tolkiens. (Or Combeferres.) Mainly, the world is composed of good people. They’re not flashy. They’re not famous. But they’re true. They’re the determined men with the “plain, decent, everyday common rightness” (Mr. Smith Goes to Washington) Like Samwise Gamgee. Unassuming. Simple and good. 

Never forget that.

The sixteen-year-old young lady who goes under the nom-de-plume of Peregrin (variation of Latin for "traveler", "foreigner") is ever searching for the good, true, and beautiful as she journeys back to her true home.

Never a Mistake

---by Mairwen Siana

Love is never a mistake.

 Love is never a mistake.

Love is never a mistake.

I found myself repeating this sentence, while lying in bed. I do believe the Blessed Mother gave it to me, because I certainly didn’t come up with it by myself. I was actually kind of shocked, because I’ve always considered Love to be the highest thing, like St. Paul writes about. But here I was, in bed, trying to convince myself that love is never a mistake, because part of me felt it was.

Love hurts. Since the nature of true Love is self-sacrifice (I mean, look at the cross!), it is going to hurt sometimes. The greatest things come with the greatest price. Well, as the oldest child in my family, I have learned to look after myself. When I am hurt, I fix it. As fast as I can. Some wounds, however, you just have to rely on God to heal, allowing the Blessed Virgin to bandage it all up.

That’s really hard for me, to say the least.

Hence, I was beginning to feel like the love causing all this pain was (I admit it) an unfortunate mistake.

As human beings, we come from Love, are designed to Love, are fulfilled through Love: we live for Love. Every time we learn how to truly love another human being as the image and likeness of God, we grow closer to Him. We become more of who He made us to be. If we can sacrifice our desires for the wellbeing of another, no matter how much it hurts, we are one step closer to our heavenly goal. Could that possibly be a mistake? Of course not!

It’s just that said self-sacrifice sometimes leads to a massive load of confusion and headaches and heartaches and worry. And, just because you were able to sacrifice yourself for someone once, does not mean that you will continue to do so indefinitely, or even want to continue doing so. Since Love is Satan’s opposite, he wants to do his utmost to combat it. He wants to use our selfish desires, our tendency to protect ourselves first, and turn us away from our Maker.

See, there’s this guy. (I know, a lot of really lame conversations begin this way, and a lot of really…er…interesting ones, but bear with me here.)

He epitomizes my “dream prince”, at least to any reasonable length. He cares about me, and oh, how I care about him! But we decided that we needed to part ways for a bit—I was getting too attached, and he’s still discerning his vocation. Neither of us really wants a dating sort of relationship, and we chose to part ways now, for a couple months at least, so that our friendship can survive later on in life. That’s the gist of it, I guess, for obviously, the situation is much more complicated. I know that for his wellbeing, and my own, in the long run, that this is a good thing. Being too attached to someone, no matter how holy he is, no matter how much I care for him, no matter how much I’d like to be with him, is unhealthy. (By “too attached” I mean myself wanting to be with him no matter what, regardless of what God’s will is, because I think it must be God’s will because I want it so much. Yep. Unhealthy.)

Love is never a mistake.

I must keep repeating that to myself, because otherwise, I begin to forget it. Loving him was a choice, a choice between love and lust. By the grace of God, I chose to love. Learning how to love this wonderful fellow taught me so much, and I am a far better person because of it. God used this young man to bring me so much closer to Him, and I would never trade my spiritual growth for anything, even the earthly satisfaction of a pleasing, human relationship. Nope. Not this girl.

But also, because I chose love once, it means I need to keep choosing to love. Simply because we decided to be less close for a while definitely does NOT mean I should stop loving my dear friend. He is God’s precious child, and deserves every inch of my love because of that, for no other reason than that. I just need to learn to love him differently. After all—what if he is meant for another woman? What if (glory of glories!) he is called to the priesthood? Although my human reaction might initially be disappointment, upon learning these things, I know that I could not possibly continue to feel so. God has such great plans in store for the future, and I am inherently joyful at the prospect.

I want this young man to go to Heaven, above all things. I want to be with him there someday. After that, what I want doesn’t matter. It’s all on God. It’s His Will that counts.

I only pray that I continue to follow it, with Him supplying any required selflessness. I’m not that strong.

But Love is never a mistake. 

Mairwen has written under many names in many places. Her current vocation is being an older sister to many monkeys. She wrote this article while intermittently spinning her 16 month-old godchild around on the office chair, avoiding excited keyboard smashing. She plans to graduate high school at some point, and figures she’ll probably go to some college or university for something (any help, God?). She writes and edits for the magazine Ink & Fairydust (www.iandfmag.com). She keeps the readers of this blog in her prayers, and asks for theirs.

Embracing Both Passion and Resurrection

---by Peregrin

Just a year ago, a few friends and I escaped from the biting cold of the night by ducking into a chapel that glowed with the light of a few peaceful candles. We had been taking a merry walk around the woods, talking about things that only teenage Catholics on fire for the Faith would find worth mentioning. It was a beautiful moonlit night; we spent a while rambling in the forests of Princeville, Illinois. It was the first night of our vocations discernment retreat at the Community of Saint John, and we were elated and inspired by the aura of holiness and peace that we had found. 

As our eyes became accustomed to the dim flickering lights of the chapel, we noticed a solitary figure standing in front of the altar, facing away from us. Whispered words came to our ears; as we heard them, our knees dropped to the cold stone floor, our hearts singing in awe. Right before our eyes, the celebration of the Eucharist was taking place. 

In a little freezing chapel in the midst of farm fields and forests, the greatest Gift came from Heaven to earth. 

We felt like intruders, almost. The priest lifted the spotless Host. Although we could not see Father's face, we knew that he completely adored the Eucharistic Lord. He knelt, overcome with love. 

How fortunate we were to experience the mystery of a private Mass! How blessed I feel, looking back on the beautiful moment of the Elevation of the Host. In that second, God put a renewed sense of wonder and reverence into my heart. The simple beauty of the chapel, the flickering lights, and the purity and whiteness of the Host shining through the darkness and shadow ~ all of this lends itself beautifully to that moment where the veil that separates Heaven and earth was drawn aside. 

 But I suppose a challenge might be to love Him even when we do not thrill because there is no beauty, or when it takes effort to love Him. For we know that if a relationship is based on feelings, then it will surely crumble; if I said that I loved Christ because He appeared beautiful in special moments, I would be denying the strength of the cross. When Christ’s passion and death are displaced from the grand equation of the story of salvation, everything becomes futile. We cannot follow Him to the glory of His resurrection without enduring the Cross, for the two are wedded together. 

 Thomas a Kempis wrote, “Jesus has always had many who love His heavenly kingdom, but few who bear His cross. He has many who desire consolation, but few who care for trial. He finds many to share His table, but few to take part in His fasting. All desire to be happy with Him, few wish to suffer anything for Him. Many follow him to the breaking of the bread, but few to drinking the chalice of His passion. Many revere His miracles, few the cross.” 

 If your idea of Catholicism is to seek and find the most “feel-good” experiences that you can get, you’re doing it wrong. Very wrong. Love with only joy and without the moments of suffering is pointless, really. The Screwtape Letters say that the troughs and not the peaks are where growth in holiness occurs; it is there that we must strive for what we seek, instead of having placed on a beautiful dish before us. 

 It is a hard challenge that speaks to every one of us; may we, O Lord, ever embrace your cross as well as your resurrection! 

 “The most beautiful credo is the one that is pronounced in the hour of darkness” ~ Saint Padre Pio

The sixteen-year-old young lady who goes under the nom-de-plume of Peregrin (variation of Latin for "traveler", "foreigner") is ever searching for the good, true, and beautiful as she journeys back to her true home. She blogs at Traveling Home.

If I Have Not Love

---by Katie Marie

Today I have been scurrying around, cleaning the house and running errands. I’ve gotten a lot done, and I like days like this, but my problem is I usually start getting resentful or distracted. 

I’m doing good things, just like St. Paul talks about in Corinthians chapter 13. So, maybe I’m not speaking in human and angelic tongues, having all knowledge, or faith that can move mountains, but washing dishes, doing laundry and going to the bank are good, productive things. But I don’t think God is as worried about my productiveness as He is about how much I love. So if I am getting angry that no one is helping me, or getting prideful about how much I’m doing, I’m really missing the point. 

Pride is sneaky though. It can come from a seemingly harmless thought of satisfaction from accomplishing something. It can be triggered by praise and appreciation from others. Pride often slips into minds in unassumingly enough. The thing is, it can quickly grow into something nasty. 

So how to go about uprooting this pride? This can be the hardest part. As with all things, it would be impossible without our Lord’s help. At the first hint that maybe I’m getting off-track, I usually send up a quick prayer; even if it is only “Please help me, Jesus.” (He hears all our pleas, even short ones.J) It’s also quite helpful, to me anyway, to ask Our Lady’s intercession. She is our model of selfless and humble service and love, after all. It seems the key is to ask for help before your heart is hardened and the pride has spread. Thinking of the heart as a garden, it is easier to pull out a small weed in a well-watered and tender bed, then to wait for the weed to grow and the ground to get hard. 

I don’t want to let the sneaky vice of pride overtake the good things I’m doing. If it does start to slip into my heart, I will use prayer to drive it out before it can grow. I want to use all my daily tasks, great or small, as an opportunity to praise God in my heart. The only way to do this is by prayer. I need to take a page out of St. Therese’s book and do little things with great love. Or, even if I’m doing great things, make sure I add an abundant helping of love.

Katie Marie is a freshman at Christendom College, studying English and music. She was homeschooled all the way through, and she has a wonderful and loving family. She is a hopeless romantic, although Jesus has been helping her more and more direct that love toward Him and service to others. You can usually find her singing, doing housework, reading, writing, praying, or talking. She is excited to see in what capacity she is called to live out her vocation to love. She prays God's Perfect Will is done in all things.

What We Shouldn't Learn from Chick Flicks

---by Rebecca Willen

One should not watch more than one chick flick at a time unless separated by a good Indiana Jones or perhaps an episode of MacGyver!  I made the mistake of watching Stardust and 27 Dresses two nights in a row.  I then made the nearly fatal attempt to watch The Devil Wears Prada immediately after 27 Dresses. I only made it through about 10 minutes of that last one.  I warn you, for the sake of your own mental safety, never repeat my mistake.  If these kinds of movies, and worse, are what teenage girls are watching nowadays... I understand why society is so messed up.

Okay, all or most of you, probably know exactly what I'm going to tell you.  However, I will also remind you that you, my female readers, will also pop a chick flick in the computer or tv every now and then... just when you want something "brainless" or something "romantic" or something "just to pass the time".  Allow me to remind you that images, once placed in the mind, can never be erased.  Thoughts, once thought, damage.  You know things are bad, so you think that they can't affect you because you know them for what they are.

Yet, knowing a thing’s reality does not negate its effect on your imagination.  What you read and what you watch will inevitably affect you.  Maybe the effects will be slight, but after a while the slight things build up, and someday you hear yourself saying something that should never come out of your mouth, but has been conditioned by the images you put into your head.  Or worse, you find yourself doing something you never would have done.  I'm giving you a worst-case scenario here - but think about it.

I noticed a couple of damaging points in Stardust and 27 Dresses, things which I've noticed in many other romantic comedies that I almost regret having watched.  Now, not everything about these movies is bad.  The main character in Stardust does realize he's chasing a girl who's not worth it and remembers the prize he has close at hand.  The main character in 27 Dresses does take her selflessness to the point that she can't love because she doesn't love herself.  But I think you'll agree that the following problems are signs of a deep-seated misunderstanding of men and women, love, and the role of marriage in human life.

1. Sleeping together before marriage - not just outside of marriage.  

DON'T get me wrong.  Extra-marital sex is wrong.  Period.  End of story.  But these chick flicks take sleeping together to a whole new level.  We're not talking just free love and the occasional short-term fling.  It's basically implied and promoted that either a) you can't possibly know the other person is your true love for sure unless you've slept with them; or b) sex is the necessary and inevitable reaction to two people discovering that they might love each other.  Why, I ask you?  Why is it that a man and a woman deciding that they might (and I say might because they haven't actually talked about it) MIGHT love each other, is followed without any other preliminaries, with the most sacred, holy, special act of human life?  (I except, of course, the Sacraments.  Natural human life, I mean.)

2. Similarly - is kissing seriously just a casual thing?

Your standards are all off if you have to kiss someone to find out whether or not there's a "spark".  If "love" or a "relationship" (of course at this point they aren't really what they profess to be) is based on sensuality, no wonder you never get anywhere.  Is nothing saved, nothing special, nothing sacred?  Even a hug is in some way a giving of yourself - you're letting your guard, your defenses down; you're saying in essence "I trust you with my life, for I am now without defense against you or any other."  A long hug is a complete breakdown of your defenses and brings a level of physical relaxation that can and should only be given to one you trust completely.  Kissing is, from all I've heard and seen, even more so an emotional letting-down of any barriers, a giving of oneself only short of the great act of love.  Either we as women don't care about ourselves enough to keep ourselves safe, or we don't even realize there's something worth guarding in who we are.  We women are willing to give ourselves away, no questions asked.

Girls, don't do this to yourselves, please.  Your femininity is so precious.  You have so much to give.  Don't waste who you are, what you are, on someone who could be as fleeting as the wind.

  

All of my comments here apply to point 1 too and even more so to that topic!!

3. Why must women profess love first?  Why is it "self-affirming" to admit to the guy you like that you like him?  Why should the chase be reversed and the pursued become the pursuer?

This is, to be honest, probably one of my worst pet peeves about the modern world.  Honestly, there's a reason why for millenia, the guy does the pursuing and the girl is pursued.  Men have to fight for something if they respect and love it, and they won't respect or love it if they don't have to fight for it.  Men go to war for a country that they love - and say what you will, the warriors are the strongest patriots.  If something isn't a challenge, then it isn't worth it.  Girls, you should understand this - remember the pretty dress you saw, desired, and then saved up for and bought later with your hard-earned money?  Remember the feeling of satisfaction and how you looked ten times prettier in it because you appreciated it more?  Guys are, and have always been, the same way.  Men in particular, respect and love something more when they have to fight for it, work for it, wonder about it and strive for it.

As much as it hurts every time you look at that guy you fell for, and all you want to do is tell him how happy you are every time you're around him, don't tell him.

This advice I can honestly tell you from my own experience.

One reason is that it will keep your emotions far more intact if you don't share them with him, and then something comes up.  Maybe you find out he has a girlfriend at home, maybe he moves away, maybe you find out something about him that kills your emotions for him, maybe it's just a summer crush that dies away - that's a heck of a lot easier to deal with when you haven't told him how you feel.  It saves awkwardness and general emotional wear-and-tear.

A second reason is that handing yourself to a guy on a silver platter before you even know how he feels, or especially if you know he likes another girl (hello, Yvaine from Stardust), you're throwing yourself away.  And there goes your dignity and respect, whether he accepts or returns your love,  or whether he gently rejects you.  Even if he tells you he likes you too, there is a lessening of his respect and his joy in having won you, if he didn't really win you.  (Jane from 27 Dresses, I'm not convinced that Kevin wouldn't have been happier if you had just shown up at the party, put yourself in his line of sight, and smiled at him.  Pretty sure he'd have done the chasing himself, all he needed to know is that you'd forgiven him and he had a chance.)

Most importantly, though, if he's worth telling your emotions, then he's totally worth waiting for.  Now, I'm not saying you can't figure out whether he's actually got any potential or whether you might as well give up and nurse your emotions right now.  Keeping your emotions to a friendship, especially when it looks hopeless, is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do in your single years.  You want so hard to have a relationship with him, you get desperate wondering if there's any hope, you feel like even if he turned you down you wouldn't care because you just want closure.  Okay, first - is it really worth it to throw yourself away like that, by telling him first that you like him?  There are other ways of finding out whether he likes you or not.  Second, if there's any potential for him to like you, wouldn't you prefer that he figure it out on his own and then be able to work to win your heart and your hand?  It is worth waiting.  It is worth strengthening a friendship with him so that you can know each other better - it will make your relationship even greater when everything finally does come to fruition.

Chick flicks have their place.  But don’t blunt yourself to the genuine problems that are clearly visible in these summer popcorn movies.  True romance is not the kind that is found on the screen, but the kind that is found, struggled through, and kept holy, through faith and virtue.

Rebecca Willen is a student at Christendom College, formerly homeschooled; a loyal Catholic; a defender of the liberal arts; a lover of tradition and antiquity; a devotee of the printed word and all things related to literature; one who perpetually haunts the nearest available library and bookstore; an avid musician; and hopefully a future editor.

God Has His Own Time Frame

---by Elizabeth F.

I am 32 and I have been praying for quite a few years now for a husband. I’d love to have a family and I hope that it is in God’s plan for me. 

I am in a relationship with a wonderful Catholic man whom I have known for three years. We have a beautiful friendship and I feel blessed by the time I get spend with him, but sometimes the joy of it is spoiled because I want to know what is going to happen in the future. I want to know that we are going to be happily married. I want to see into the future and know what is down the road. 

I get tired of waiting for my prayers for a husband to be answered. Sometimes I have tried to discern if I should be waiting for my relationship with this man to progress to the next level or if I should be looking for someone else. Am I wasting my time with him when I should be with someone else? Each time I have prayed about breaking off the relationship with him in order to be able to start a relationship with someone else, I have always gotten the feeling that God is telling me to wait. 

But how long am I supposed to wait? I might find it easier to be content and to wait patiently if so many people weren’t telling me that my boyfriend is taking too long. I should be married by now, they say. They tell me I’m getting old and I have only so many years left in which to have children. I get many hints from different people on how to make him propose, and some even say that I should propose to him. 

Sometimes I began to feel desperate and I forget that God has my future under control. I feel like I should be making something happen. 

A few weeks ago was the feast of the Birth of St. John the Baptist. I went to Mass in a lovely little church. As I was listening to the homily, I was touched by the words of the priest. The message seemed to be especially for me. Father said: “Zechariah and Elizabeth prayed for many years for a child and for a long time it seemed that their prayers were not answered. Often it is that way with us. We may pray for something for a long time, but we do not get it as soon as we want it. God has His own time frame. Zechariah and Elizabeth had to wait for many years to have a child because their son, St. John the Baptist, was to be the herald of the Messiah and had to be born six months before Jesus. When things don’t go according to our plans, remember that God has His own plan for us and His plan may not correspond with ours.” 

“God has His own time frame.” He has His own time frame when it comes to me getting married and having a family. If things were going according to my time frame, I would be married by now. And if things were going according to the time frame of my friends, my boyfriend would certainly have proposed by now! But God has His own time frame. He has a reason why he wants me to be single right now. He has a reason why he wants me to get married when I’m a little older. God has a plan. It may not be as grand as His plan for Elizabeth - to become the mother of the herald of the Messiah, but it is a plan special just for me. 

How hard it must have been for Zechariah and Elizabeth to wait all those years to have their prayers answered. Father mentioned in his homily that in their culture it was considered a curse from God if a couple was not able to have children, so they were probably wondering what they had done wrong that God was punishing them by not giving them a child. Yet all those years they persisted in praying for a child, even when it no longer seemed possible that it could happen. God answered their pray in His own time, not in their time. They didn’t have their child at what would have been considered the ideal time of life, when they were still young. 

I can just imagine how many of her friends were constantly reminding Elizabeth of how few childbearing years she had left (just like some people do to me!) and the kind of pressure she was under to conceive before it was too late. And then it seemed it was too late. Her child bearing years had passed. But it was in this time when she could have so easily given up praying and trusting in God, that her prayers were answered and God’s special plan for her child was revealed. It was worth waiting all those years to become to mother of the Messiah’s forerunner and herald and to entertain the very mother of the Lord in her home.

During this time of waiting in my own life, I reflect on Elizabeth’s prayerful faith and I pray for the same trust in God’s perfect for my life as she had. Though I cannot see what my future holds for me, and if and when I will be married, I believe that it will happen in “God’s time frame,” according to the perfect plan that He has laid out for my life.

Elizabeth works as a secretary for a Catholic Church and attends college through online classes. She enjoys spending time with her family, especially her little nieces and nephews. She loves gardening and arranging flowers and she grows and arranges the flowers for the sanctuary in her church each week.

Know Thyself

---by Megan Orillion

As I entered into middle school, high school, and through college, I started to ask myself the BIG questions. 

Who am I?

What do I stand for?

Where am I going?

If you would have asked me if I had the answers to these questions during that time, I would have acted as if I did, however, I had no idea. I was too busy being carbon copies of the people around me. 

The truth was, I did not want to know myself because I believed the lie that so many people do. I believed that if people really knew me, and what I was about, they would not think I was good enough. Instead, I made desperate attempts to be liked by my peers, to be “loved” by guys, and to be a part of the "in crowd."

My faith in high school was not strong, nor was it a priority.  I only prayed to God when I wanted or needed something.  Since I did not know Him, I did not know myself. 

You may ask, "Why is knowing yourself so important?" 

There are six and half billion people on this planet, and not one of them is like you. Even identical twins have a different fingerprint. There is no one else on this earth exactly like you. God created each of us in His image. There is a reason behind every part of you. There is a reason why God did not just make us all the same. You fulfill a place in this world no one else can. How often though, in trying to fit in or to be accepted, do we throw "our image in Him" away and become just like everybody else. 

"Who am I" is a question you will be defining for the rest of you life. Your actions throughout your life will be the answers to that question. 

When you reflect on your life thus far, are you happy with the answers you have made? Where are your answers leading you? 

You have three options:

| 1 | You can allow others to decide where your life path is headed

| 2 | You can decide where your life path is headed

| 3 | You can allow God to to lead you on the life path He created just for you

In my lifetime, I have tried out all three of these options. I strongly encourage you to pick the 3rd option. God has the desires of your heart in mind. He will lead you to the truth. In other words, He will you lead you to Himself. When you are close to Him and know His love, you will discover the fullness of who He created you to be.Unveiling who God created Megan to be, was one the greatest gifts of my life. 

It is my PRAYER, and my HOPE that you will get to

unveil the beauty and fullness of who God created you to be. 

Megan Orillion is passionately Catholic, a rookie wife to her cute husband, blogger and speaker on women’s issues, creator of beauty through paper goods (aka loves to craft), and a wannabe fashionista. She blogs at http://meganpurityofheart.blogspot.com.

Following God's Dream for Me

---by Katie Marie

Jesus, I want to follow You.
Be the words I speak, the deeds I do.
Jesus, Lord, where You lead I'll go.
With joy and zeal, for You I'll sow.

Holy Spirit, with Your Love, my heart consume.
Because, like John in Elizabeth's womb-
The dream that deep in my heart is kept
At the sound of Your Voice has awakened and leapt.

Like a gift, wrapped with Love
Key to my heart, from Heaven above-
Lord, I implore the highest grace
That through my vocation I'll seek Your Face.

Joyful and peaceful, free I will be
If only I follow Your calling for me.
I beg and I pray to know my vocation
My life I will pour out- become an oblation.

Through the river of discernment I'll go
Hopefully, Your Will to know.
But, no matter the journey
You choose, Heaven I'll gain and nothing I'll lose.

 Katie Marie will be a freshman at Christendom College in August, hopefully studying English and music. She was homeschooled all the way through, and she has a wonderful and loving family. She is a hopeless romantic, although Jesus has been helping her more and more direct that love toward Him and service to others. You can usually find her singing, doing housework, reading, writing, praying, or talking. She is excited to see in what capacity she is called to live out her vocation to love. She prays God's Perfect Will is done in all things.

Sitting Inside the Uncomfortable-ness

---by Sara Flecher

As human beings we all desire the feeling of being grounded, settled, and in control of our lives. We try to plan our futures by dreaming up possible scenarios about where we will live, who we will marry, and where we will work. It is extremely uncomfortable to not know our future and to not understand everything that happens in our lives. And this uncomfortable feeling often leads us to cling to things we know and understand, even if they may not be right for us. 

Think of this in terms of our relationships. When we’re drifting in the sea of ‘single-dom’ it is natural to want to grab hold of something (or someone) that is familiar. I often think that it is because the person God has chosen for us is probably someone we haven’t met yet and it’s difficult to grab on to and find solace in an empty notion of ‘someone out there’. So we think back to previous relationships and question our decisions to end them or wonder what we did wrong to be broken up with because the unknown person or plan that God has for us is not something we can dwell on.. It’s Unknown! 

I think this is also true in regards to the Church’s teachings. Some of the views of the Catholic Church on birth control, gay marriage, and premarital sex make people very uncomfortable because they do not understand them. So their tendency is to find a viewpoint, often times contradictory to the Church’s teachings, that they do understand in order to have that anchor or that comfort of knowing. If our religion was easy to understand or easy to practice, there would be a very limited amount of goodness and grace that we could receive. But just because we may not fully understand something doesn’t mean we should go find something that’s easier to understand, it just means that we need to stay uncomfortable for a while and explore it until the Truth is revealed to us. 

So I bring the challenge to this community of young Catholic women to sit inside the uncomfortable-ness. Really feel it. It definitely has the potential to sting a little at first, but once you put yourself in that place, it is a very freeing feeling. You no longer are lost at sea trying to grab hold of whatever familiar you can find, but instead you find strength and opportunity in being open to possibilities that you can’t even begin to predict. God becomes your anchor and as you build a stronger and stronger foundation, it won’t be as easy for life circumstances to “rock your boat”. 

The future is sometimes scary and trusting God and his plan takes plenty of practice, but it is worth trying because the reward of a truly holy relationship or finding the Truth in the Church’s teachings is too phenomenal to ignore. God’s plan, the Unknown, is not something to be scared of… it is a tremendous and wonderful gift just waiting to be revealed.

Sara is a 23-year-old Master's student getting ready to graduate and enter the working world. She is a runner, an aunt, a sister to 3, a painter, and a computer scientist. This is the first time she has shared her thoughts in this type of forum and is very grateful for the opportunity!

Etiquette of Today, or the Lack Thereof

While perhaps the topic is arguable, I think it's pretty safe to say that much of the etiquette in this world has "gone down the drain".  I was thinking over matters: how a man no longer stands when a women enters a room, there is precious little door-holding, and less "let me take that for you" said to a woman carrying something heavy.

Now, there are some people which are excluded from this manner-less group, such as many of you reading this post.  I'm sure you all acts like proper ladies and are surrounded by stately gentlemen.  Nevertheless, humor me, and read the rest. : )

Where was I?  Oh, yes...

Why don't we do these things anymore?

Men like to help women, and (whether we're going to admit it or not) women like being helped.

Why is etiquette and common courtesy constantly deteriorating?

Well.  In all honesty, I don't think we can blame solely the men, even though neglect it is more obvious on their part because they have so many more responsibilities.  

It all starts with us- the ladies.

But where does the problem initially lie?

Well, yes... we can partially blame the culture we live in today.  Ev-er-y-thing is trying to tell us that men and women are entirely equal and there are no differences between them.  We are constantly fed the lie: what men can do, women can do.  The sad part is women feel the need to do the man's job and surpass him in doing so.

Nonetheless, part of the blame goes to those who strive to be ladies, but don't encourage others to do so.

So!  I figured, "Why not go over simple steps on being a lady?"  Just fyi... I'm not a pro at this, by any means.  These things just came to my mind. Perhaps I've uncovered something here, perhaps not.  : )

1. A virtuous life is a given.  A lady is endless charity, kindness, goodness, self-control, etc.  I'm going to assume that we've all heard plenty about virtue; however, and move on to the more specific etiquette behavior between girls and guys.

2. When the guy offers to help- let him.  I read this tip on someone's blog before and it greatly intrigued me.  I always find the first words coming out of my mouth, after a guy offers to help, to be, "That's okay.  I got it."  Don't do that.  Most likely, the gentleman offered because he wanted to help.  We all like feeling needed.  So, let him help.  Note: Don't make it awkward by exaggerating the deed done.  A simple, "Oh, gee thanks!" with suit everyone just fine.

3. Don't make him do everything, though.  We don't need to go from one extreme to the other.  Help him in your feminine way, but let him do the manly work.

4. Act like... royalty.  Not in a prideful way, but in the way of setting an example for those around you.  Sit and stand up straight, speak gracefully, use proper grammar, include everyone in the conversation, dress properly and modestly, but not so all eyes are on you, and generally make everyone feel very comfortable.  Raise yourself above the pettiness of stinging remarks, harsh feelings, and gossip.  Royalty would never take interest in such little things.

5. Guard his heart and your own.  When being a friend to a guy, be his friend.  Sounds simple, right?  But, it's not.  It changes for every situation and there are so many different views on what's crossing the line.  However, I do believe that if we all look deep enough, we'll know the obvious ones (keeping your distance, avoiding certain topics, etc.).  Keep in mind that this guy who you're friends with may very well one day end up married to a girl other than you!  You wouldn't want a girl taking bits and pieces of your future husband's heart.  So, do both of you a favor and keep things under control.

6.  Be comfortable.  You don't have to start saying "thee" and "thou" or always look flawless.  Being a lady goes far beyond the outer appearance and behavior.  Make sure you remain yourself.  That is most important.  Don't change who you are in becoming a lady; you should be able to be yourself and be a lady.

7.  Get pride out of the picture.  Yeah... so I guess I am going into virtue.  If you remember only one thing from this post, remember this: be humble.  Don't draw attention to yourself.  If you want to be a lady simply because of the praise and compliments you will receive, you will never attain your goal.  Humility is the key to being a lady.  It is also the key to every one of the points made above.

Once humility is conquered look how easily the other points fall into place:

  Point #1: If you can conquer pride, other vices will seem like a breeze.

  Point #2: In being humble, you'll know that you do need help in life.  So, "yes" that gentlemen, who just offered help, can take one of the three bags you're carrying.

  Point #3: Everyone needs work in their life.  Ladies are included in "everyone".

  Point #4: Humility teaches us that we all have our own faults with both virtue, grammar, etc. that we should strive to amend.  Being the good example can often be very humbling.

  Point #5: Through humility, we see that we are not to play with a thing so delicate as a heart.

  Point #6: All eyes aren't on us, so don't think that you'll have an audience watching your every move- be comfortable.

Lastly, pray often.  A close relationship with God will show us how small we are, how petty our wishes seem, and the beauty of a virtuous life.

Rose M. is from a small family with only one older sister.  She is 15 years old and in her sophomore year of highschool using Seton Home Study school.  She have about a million and one different interests including: baking, tap dancing, singing, ballet, canoeing, sewing, reading, and writing. She blogs at http://thegoldenroadblog.blogspot.com/