Why It's Okay to Move Slowly

via  

 

My inner cat is emerging today...rare but welcome. I'm curled up in an armchair in a patch of deep golden sunlight as the sun fades slowly and gently, trailing its beams down the window.

I set my cup of coffee down slowly because I can. Because I have the time to be slow...because finally, as a junior, I've realized that you don't have to rush. 

That you can move slowly. 

I smile, because I'm surrounded by freshmen and I remember being a freshman, being tense and worried, praying and hoping for good grades, rushing from place to place, from activity to meeting to study session to dinner, to all-nighter, and so on. 

And it makes me smile because now I understand why all the juniors and seniors I that met my first year in college were so relaxed. Because by junior year, you start to realize that rushing and hurrying, that stress and worry really don't add anything to your life. 

That all nighters and insurmountable amounts of homework are not battle wounds to be boasted of proudly. That sleep really is more important than anything else. That the world doesn't end if you don't make an A or have a 4.0 GPA. That sometimes the most productive days are the days when you do nothing related to schoolwork. That at least one hour of each day should be devoted to alone time, to taking care of yourself.

  Of letting your soul breathe. 

That sometimes, we need to show kindness to ourselves before we show it to anyone else. 

Sometimes it means taking ourselves to that favorite coffee shop and studying with a cup of heavenly caffeine, or deciding to take the trash out tomorrow because it's okay if you don't do it today or accepting that today is a t-shirt and ponytail hair day. Or it could be as simple as sitting in the sun, drinking up the sunlight and gentle strains of music. 

Either way, I'm glad not to be running and hurrying. It's my natural instinct, and I still have have to fight it. But it gets easier. So if you're a freshman who feels the weight of the world on your shoulders and a life that never stands still and a to-do list that never ends....

Breathe. 

It will all work out. I promise. 

It may not seem like it right now. But I promise you will learn to slow down, to place importance in stillness, in steadiness, in walking slowly. 

Because honestly, dear girls, you won't get where you're going any faster by trying to rush. Just let it all come when it does. Stop trying to run this invisible race that you've been told you have to win, that you've been told you have to keep up with everyone else in it. 

You don't. So don't worry about that. 

You do you. Get sleep. Take walks. Read something for fun. Soak in the sunlight. 

It's okay not to rush through life. You miss all the best moments in between if you do. 

The True Reason for Advent: Why It's Ok to Hurt During the Holidays

--an old post I wrote last year during a particularly hard Advent...we all go through some form of hardship + loneliness during the holidays. So here is a reminder that it is okay to feel that. 

                                                                                               

I paused in the midst of an early Christmas celebration...I had no reason to be upset.

But for whatever reason that December evening, a well of tumultuous emotions rose up - the aftermath of a long week, dealing with hurdles, stress, tests, and hurting for others going through rough patches. Suddenly it was all too much and I needed to get away from the Christmas cheer and smiling faces...away from all the happiness and joy. It had been a long day, the kind that reminds you of all the things you haven't done or are behind in or simply all your inadequacies.

I drew positivity from my friends around me, but eventually realized I needed to slip away and seek refuge, to seek rest in quiet and solitude. Where I could cry a little cry in peace, despite not knowing why the tears came. And the moment caused me to pause once more...this time to ponder. The good, quiet, honest sort that comes after a cry, however brief or long the cry may be...

What is about tears and pain and hurt that seems so shameful and heavy? Why do we feel the need to hide it...to hide the hurt...the ache...the overwhelming sense of not being good enough?

It steals in quietly, settles down in our heart, drawing dull, aching pain and a steady chill...leaving us feeling like we're standing outside in the cold, alone. Hands in pockets, heart empty and unloved, eyes wet.

No one wants to feel like an outsider. Alone. Unloved, unchased. Especially during the holidays.

Perhaps that's what makes such emotions during the festive season all the more ironic. After all, it's a time of good will + cheer + smiles + Christmas songs. A time for family + friends. For Love and for gathering. For community.

                                                           
Sometimes, it's in a crowd that you feel the most alone though.

So many people, so many faces laughing and smiling and knowing each other and being. And all you can feel is fake because for whatever reason, there's no bells ringing in your heart, no cheer on your lips, and no holiday sparkle in your eye. Then the sense of failure and loneliness rise hard + fast within you, almost choking, and suddenly, it's so hard. It's hard to smile, to look composed, to feel all right and not cause anyone to worry and ask what's wrong because then they'll make a scene and that's the last thing you want.

Because no one wants to bring everyone else down, be the party-killer, make a fuss, cause unwanted attention, or be comforted + mollified simply for the reason that others feel guilty you're upset.

Sometimes it's a struggle to keep your composure, to keep your chin up, to smile politely when all you want to do is fall to pieces and cry.

Because it hurts so much. 

Maybe it's a horribly-timed break-up, maybe it's stress from work or school, maybe the loss of a loved one, maybe it's personal dissatisfaction or self-loathing; maybe it's guilt from all the things we haven't done, but should be doing. Maybe it's the ache to love and be loved. To care for and be cared for in return. Maybe it's a soul-deep hunger for another soul - for a kindred spirit, the one that will make your spirit soar. Maybe it's one of these or none of these that prompt such tremulous emotions...and the overwhelming desire to cry.

We like to be brave and strong. But oh, how we are not.

It's times like these, moments like these that we remember just how fragile we are...how little it takes to make our heart overflow with happiness or to break with despair + heartache.

And all it takes is the tiniest spark, the softest whisper to begin a litany that resounds in our head, echos in our ears, and forms in our own mouths.

'You didn't make it today...'

'That outfit looks bad on you...'

'People are laughing, but not with you...'

'She's so much better than me...'

'I'm not a part of the inside joke because I don't belong, because I'm not liked as much as him...'

'He's never looked my way and he never will...'

'You're not that good...the others are more talented...'

'Look at your face/weight/height/skin color...people think it's funny...'

and even worse

'you don't matter'

'how can you live with yourself'

'always the one saying something that no one hears'

'you're too small/stupid/heavy/tall/quiet/loud'

'you keep failing'

'there's no special someone'

'you're. not. good. enough.'

It's funny that we're the ones who can hurt ourselves the most...we're the ones whose words cut more raw and deep than anyone else's...we're the ones who refuse to offer a new chance to ourselves when others would offer one with a smile + love.

We're so determined to prove why exactly we are unworthy...why every thought in our head should be and is true.

Why?

Why especially during the most beautiful season of all - the season of Hope and perfect Love?

Maybe it's because during Advent we're reminded of how much we trip and stumble, of the dust + profanities that dirty our days + our souls...of the many ways we have failed. Of the many ways we are and can not ever be worthy of the Gift we receive...why would anyone love us? What is there to love?

But then...beneath the tears and the cold and the loneliness that swirls up...there's a faint light and a gentle, pure note.

Of Hope.

Of promise.

Because the Child didn't come for the "better" ones, the more talented ones...because they don't exist. Because everyone feels alone and defeated and like a failure at some point.

Because maybe that's the whole point of Advent...to realize how unworthy we are of the Great Gift we receive...and to be completely knocked over and overwhelmed by the unbelievable Love through which the Gift is given.

Because sometimes we get caught up in the world, in our lives, in our feelings, in things that ruin our peace and whisper discouragement in our ears. Advent is a time of darkness. But the good kind. It's the hushed, dark stillness of a private room, of a calm church, of the innermost part in our hearts. Because darkness isn't always a bad thing.

Source

Because sometimes the darkness is a sacred, silent place for us to rest and unfold and let everything messy and wrong and weak about us show...we turn off the lights and fall asleep in darkness because the good kind of darkness wraps around us like a blanket and hides us from the world.

In the darkness, we rest and dream.

After all, light cannot come without darkness.

And Advent is the season of a light flickering in the darkness. In the hushed stillness, a steady candle glows...casting light + warm. Casting hope. Casting peace.

Source

And somehow, in the candle's circle of lovely light, the darkness grows even more hushed and sacred as it gathers around the Flame that gives depth and meaning to it.

The Flame reminds us we are not alone...that light is always present. That Hope is always with us. Even when tears trickle, loneliness swells, and life is just hard.

So cry a little cry. It doesn't make you weak or more of a failure. Those tears will dry, I promise you.

You only have to light a candle.

Wishing you hope + peace in these last few days of Advent before the Coming of Christ, friends. 

We Can Relish the Pain

Pain. It's something we all deal with...the part of life, the everyday trips + cold winds + moments of silence that we don't like to acknowledge. Or speak of.

One thing that has truly been cemented for me during my college years is that everyone I meet - no matter how happy, how bubbly, how extroverted - has a story that no one else knows.

We all carry a little pain with us at all times.

There's no "golden" part of life -  one myth that I did believe and have since realized to be in error.

We talk about pain, about the big struggles of life, but I think sometimes we neglect to mention the little things, the tiny whispers of hurt, the small but numerous burdens that each of us carries. Perhaps your pain is something large - you've lost a parent or recently ended a relationship. Or perhaps it is small, such as struggling with waking early and making it to class on time or have difficulty making small talk or even opening up.

Each time I grow cynical and weary of humanity, inevitably, I am reminded in some small manner that a person is an incredibly complex being with as many hidden treasures and winding paths as a hallowed, small and yet infinite room of books. Here and there are volumes that speak of cheer and happiness and hard work and enthusiasm...but a few books are shabby. Worn out. Weary. Missing a cover.

Does that make them any less important? Or any less a part of the overall wonder of the room?

We try so hard to work through "the bad" in life. We speak of seasons, of being in funks, of off moods, of trials and tribulations. Everyone wants to pass through the clouds and chilling, tulmatious rainstorms. But pain is something that shapes us, like steel being formed in flame, or pressure that forms the clay. Would we grow without the pain?

Somehow, I don't think so.

I think often of where I am in life, both literally and figuratively. Where I am as a young adult in college, with less "real world" responsibilities surrounded by a community of similar people. And also where I am as a human being, still forming, still shaping, still growing. Pain grants perspective and deep thought and solitude...we want to work through the pain, so we pay attention to aspects of ourselves that perhaps we don't give thought to during the "good days."

What does it mean to recognize and acknowledge pain as something inevitable that often strengthens and changes us? Someone once said nothing worth doing is ever easy...Christ told us this also. The way we are called is a hard one to walk. But there is a deep internal promise that resonates within us...some good is coming of this. Some good will be made of this.

In no way is pain itself good, nor should one practice pain, but there is an enormous amount of grace and peace in accepting that there will always be a hard season in life. That no one person or job or situation will make us perfectly happy.

So we stand in the quiet of a crowd, and we breathe deep, and relish the pain - as much as we don't want it - because we know it's changing us.

It's strengthening us.

It's bringing us through something that hurts sharp and deep, but by heavens, we are not God and sometimes we need that reminder of humility. To remember that we cannot pen the pages of our life with the picture-book perfection we all want.

It's good, I think. To stop and wonder where we are now. To wonder why this particular person, place, or thing in our life is bringing confusion and pain.

And to decide in the quiet, to learn from it.

Why You're Not Any Less of a Person if You Haven't Dated Yet

I feel the need to sit down and address a few things from my young female Catholic heart. There are just some things that all Catholic/Christian girls need to know...(sidenote: I am ridiculously tired of saying "Catholic-slash-Christian" because for Pete's sake, Catholics ARE Christians but then I don't like to seem like I'm specifically leaving out all Protestant girls.

Sigh. It's absurd. SO! This is for ALL GIRLS OUT THERE WHO LOVE JESUS AND WANT TO LEAD A GOOD LIFE AND HOPEFULLY END UP WITH A GREAT GUY SOMEDAY.)

I'm typing this half-blind because I literally only have one contact in right as the other one tore. Girls...the struggles of life are real. But I'm still here typing away because I'm fired up and this needs to be said, even if I can only see with one eye right now (I have beyond horrible vision).

I am so tired of singleness having such a bad rep. What? How? When? Why is that a thing?

Somewhere along the way, society transferred the label of "old maid" to young women who were of marriageable age or older but still unmarried and lived a domestic life at home. Fast forward a couple hundred years later - women have been liberated, we have the right to vote, to speak our mind, and can have a career if we should so wish.

And yet.....a woman or a young female adult in college or even a high school girl is seen as odd if she has not had a couple boyfriend/pretty serious relationships, much less even one! This even applies to guys - essentially, thanks to media portrayals and usually outside pressure from extended relatives + friends, a young person is seen as a "failure" if they haven't had a relationship.

Especially if - gasp - they haven't had a first kiss.

I was talking to a good guy friend the other day and he asked me jokingly if I had just kissed someone because apparently I had a goofy look on my face and couldn't stop smiling (let it be known, I was just tired). Then he remembered what he knew about me (we've talked about dating + life before). He laughed and said, "You don't even know what that's like because you've never-" and caught himself in time.

I kicked him anyways.

I was really tired, y'all.

But the point is, somehow our modern society decided that being single is like a disease...it means you're naive, inexperienced, and childlike.  

The Minions sum up my opinion of that best...

For a long time during my high school years, I longed to be loved and be in a relationship. Now that I'm a junior in college, I realized I never needed to be in a relationship that young. Nor do I necessarily need to be in one now! Singleness is such a wonderful season of life, but I think so many young adults/teenagers miss out on everything it has to offer, because society makes them feel inadequate - as if somehow they're not attractive enough or smart enough or funny enough to attract someone's interest.

Here's the thing...I fully believe singleness can be a good thing, And that God knows our hearts better than anyone else...I've seen friends, acquaintances and classmates have relationships in high school + college. While some long-lasting marriages + couples can begin during that time of life, most of the time, those relationships are often casual and can end in heartbreak.

Now, be assured - in no way whatsoever am I saying that dating is bad. I plan on dating eventually if I meet someone who I really respect + care for and who likewise cares + respects for me. I've grown enough as a person during college to know myself, to know who I am, and what I am looking for in a man. Not a boy...a man.

What I am saying is that I've realized for me personally at least, there's no reason to get into a bunch of different casual relationships. I'd rather wait to experience that with someone that I trust and who also knows what he wants in a significant other. Until then, it's seems somewhat pointless to me to "date for fun."

And because I've come to that decision, I refuse to be ashamed or to let anyone make me feel any less of a person. Any less of the confident, happy, content woman I'm becoming.

So girls (and guys, if there's any reading this) take heart.

Know that you are never, ever any less of a person if you've haven't dated yet. 

The Truth about Guys

When it comes to emotions and matters of the heart, Life suddenly becomes Very Complicated. I know, girls. I've been there.

Here's a few things I've learned along the way...no doubt I'll learn many new ones. I've a sneaking suspicion Life gets even more Complicated when it comes to the opposite sex as you get older. But here's some of the ones I've picked up so far.

Boys are very different from girls.

You'll rant and rave and burst into tears about it, but it's really better if you just accept the hopeless, unchangeable truth now.

Listening to slow love songs (and country songs) when you're feeling a bit neglected or heartbroken. Is. Always. A. Bad. Idea.

You'll probably do it anyways - because who doesn't love making themselves feel miserable? - but it's really not smart. It never makes anything better. Just makes you need a box of tissues and alllll the chocolate. So save the love songs when you're much more cheerful and full of pep and optimism.

Watching romantic movies.

See above. Sobbing through About Time or Pride and Prejudice when you're already heartbroken to begin with is just a baaaaaad idea. 

That boy that you're over the moon about, the one you're imagining waiting for you at the end of the isle on your wedding day...you know, the one that makes your stomach flip flop and makes you happy? Chances are, as much as you don't want to hear it, you probably will be thinking "What was I thinking when I thought I liked him???" next year.

It's the way of life, sweet peas. We go through many stages - and crushes - in our lives. So all these hopes, disappointments, and tears will be a thing of the past. And that's okay.

Chocolate helps. 

Always. Frozen yogurt or ice cream is excellent also.

If he asks you to dance, and you really want to, say yes. 

If he doesn't ask, ask him.

It's a dance, not a marriage proposal. (This applies to platonic relationships also - if you'd like to dance with the boy and he's not a complete stranger, he'll probably say yes. If he doesn't, remember that you have the right to decline dances too...it's a free country. Don't be deeply offended.)

Your mother really does know best. 

As much as it kills you to admit it.

When a guy says, "I have to go, but I'll talk to you later/I'll talk you later, okay?/ Ttyl!" it doesn't mean he's planning to text/call/finish the conversation later that day at a specific time. 

Nope. It's just a casual form of "Goodbye, I'm sure we'll end up bumping into one another some time and then we'll have another fascinating conversation, but 'til then, cheerio!"

I know. I know. It took me at least three months to accept this one. And to stop checking my phone. Because "he promised to text/call/talk later, so he must have something important to say! Right??"

Nope. Sadly. Remember #1? Different as nightingales and cuckoos, I'm telling you.

Run after God, not a boy - and then look around and see who is keeping up.

I'm the one who still has to be told that, even at 21...but it's so true, girls. We talk about love and families and the longing in our hearts and say "If only he liked me back", but I think we all realize deep down that we really want a good, strong man. One who is not only deeply rooted in his faith and his love for God, but is also a man who will encourage and help us on our walk of faith. I don't know about you girls, but I don't want a boy for that.

I want a man. A man of God.

 And you should too.

The True Reason for Advent: Why It's Ok to Hurt During the Holidays

--reposted from my personal blog, My Spare Oom

                                                                                                     

I paused in the midst of an early Christmas celebration...I had no reason to be upset.

But for whatever reason that December evening, a well of tumultuous emotions rose up - the aftermath of a long week, dealing with hurdles, stress, tests, and hurting for others going through rough patches. Suddenly it was all too much and I needed to get away from the Christmas cheer and smiling faces...away from all the happiness and joy. It had been a long day, the kind that reminds you of all the things you haven't done or are behind in or simply all your inadequacies.

I drew positivity from my friends around me, but eventually realized I needed to slip away and seek refuge, to seek rest in quiet and solitude. Where I could cry a little cry in peace, despite not knowing why the tears came. And the moment caused me to pause once more...this time to ponder. The good, quiet, honest sort that comes after a cry, however brief or long the cry may be...

What is about tears and pain and hurt that seems so shameful and heavy? Why do we feel the need to hide it...to hide the hurt...the ache...the overwhelming sense of not being good enough?

It steals in quietly, settles down in our heart, drawing dull, aching pain and a steady chill...leaving us feeling like we're standing outside in the cold, alone. Hands in pockets, heart empty and unloved, eyes wet.

No one wants to feel like an outsider. Alone. Unloved, unchased. Especially during the holidays.

Perhaps that's what makes such emotions during the festive season all the more ironic. After all, it's a time of good will + cheer + smiles + Christmas songs. A time for family + friends. For Love and for gathering. For community.

                                                             
Sometimes, it's in a crowd that you feel the most alone though.

So many people, so many faces laughing and smiling and knowing each other and being. And all you can feel is fake because for whatever reason, there's no bells ringing in your heart, no cheer on your lips, and no holiday sparkle in your eye. Then the sense of failure and loneliness rise hard + fast within you, almost choking, and suddenly, it's so hard. It's hard to smile, to look composed, to feel all right and not cause anyone to worry and ask what's wrong because then they'll make a scene and that's the last thing you want.

Because no one wants to bring everyone else down, be the party-killer, make a fuss, cause unwanted attention, or be comforted + mollified simply for the reason that others feel guilty you're upset.

Sometimes it's a struggle to keep your composure, to keep your chin up, to smile politely when all you want to do is fall to pieces and cry.

Because it hurts so much. 

Maybe it's a horribly-timed break-up, maybe it's stress from work or school, maybe the loss of a loved one, maybe it's personal dissatisfaction or self-loathing; maybe it's guilt from all the things we haven't done, but should be doing. Maybe it's the ache to love and be loved. To care for and be cared for in return. Maybe it's a soul-deep hunger for another soul - for a kindred spirit, the one that will make your spirit soar. Maybe it's one of these or none of these that prompt such tremulous emotions...and the overwhelming desire to cry.

We like to be brave and strong. But oh, how we are not.

It's times like these, moments like these that we remember just how fragile we are...how little it takes to make our heart overflow with happiness or to break with despair + heartache.

And all it takes is the tiniest spark, the softest whisper to begin a litany that resounds in our head, echos in our ears, and forms in our own mouths.

'You didn't make it today...'

'That outfit looks bad on you...'

'People are laughing, but not with you...'

'She's so much better than me...'

'I'm not a part of the inside joke because I don't belong, because I'm not liked as much as him...'

'He's never looked my way and he never will...'

'You're not that good...the others are more talented...'

'Look at your face/weight/height/skin color...people think it's funny...'

and even worse

'you don't matter'

'how can you live with yourself'

'always the one saying something that no one hears'

'you're too small/stupid/heavy/tall/quiet/loud'

'you keep failing'

'there's no special someone'

'you're. not. good. enough.'

It's funny that we're the ones who can hurt ourselves the most...we're the ones whose words cut more raw and deep than anyone else's...we're the ones who refuse to offer a new chance to ourselves when others would offer one with a smile + love.

We're so determined to prove why exactly we are unworthy...why every thought in our head should be and is true.

Why?

Why especially during the most beautiful season of all - the season of Hope and perfect Love?

Maybe it's because during Advent we're reminded of how much we trip and stumble, of the dust + profanities that dirty our days + our souls...of the many ways we have failed. Of the many ways we are and can not ever be worthy of the Gift we receive...why would anyone love us? What is there to love?

But then...beneath the tears and the cold and the loneliness that swirls up...there's a faint light and a gentle, pure note.

Of Hope.

Of promise.

Because the Child didn't come for the "better" ones, the more talented ones...because they don't exist. Because everyone feels alone and defeated and like a failure at some point.

Because maybe that's the whole point of Advent...to realize how unworthy we are of the Great Gift we receive...and to be completely knocked over and overwhelmed by the unbelievable Love through which the Gift is given.

Because sometimes we get caught up in the world, in our lives, in our feelings, in things that ruin our peace and whisper discouragement in our ears. Advent is a time of darkness. But the good kind. It's the hushed, dark stillness of a private room, of a calm church, of the innermost part in our hearts. Because darkness isn't always a bad thing.

Source

Because sometimes the darkness is a sacred, silent place for us to rest and unfold and let everything messy and wrong and weak about us show...we turn off the lights and fall asleep in darkness because the good kind of darkness wraps around us like a blanket and hides us from the world.

In the darkness, we rest and dream.

After all, light cannot come without darkness.

And Advent is the season of a light flickering in the darkness. In the hushed stillness, a steady candle glows...casting light + warm. Casting hope. Casting peace.

Source

And somehow, in the candle's circle of lovely light, the darkness grows even more hushed and sacred as it gathers around the Flame that gives depth and meaning to it.

The Flame reminds us we are not alone...that light is always present. That Hope is always with us. Even when tears trickle, loneliness swells, and life is just hard.

So cry a little cry. It doesn't make you weak or more of a failure. Those tears will dry, I promise you.

You only have to light a candle.

Wishing you hope + peace in these last few days of Advent before the Coming of Christ, friends. 

Dwelling In Him: When Your Heart Longs To

(from my Instagram)

I think sometimes how much harder it is to live as a non-religious member.

Nuns and priests, monks and friars, men and women in religious orders are constantly surrounded by God and His Word. Imbued with it, immersed in it. It's their occupation, their job, so to speak.

How much harder it is for lay people, who do not serve official positions in the Church, to seek Him and consistently, loyally follow Him in our noisy, crowded world. To pick out the snatches of His voice amidst the messy jumbled cacophony of our daily lives.

I love going on retreats because everything is about God. Our days are ordered around activities that direct our attention to Him, deepen our focus on Him, and improve our communication with Him. I went on the Awakening retreat (a wonderful college-aged retreat for deepening your relationship with Christ, whether you are Catholic or not)...and for a blissful, wonderful, soul-releasing, and refreshing two and a half days

- for an entire weekend -

all I thought about was God.

No homework, no tests, no worries, no duties, obligations, etc. The outside world did not exist. I never even knew what time it was because cell phones were not allowed on the retreat, in order that we would be "on God's time, not our time."

I experienced many things that can be expected from a retreat, such as talks, prayer, Mass, praise and worship...but I was also completely and utterly blown away by certain aspects of the retreat that I was not expecting.

For a weekend, God was my entire world. 

 

The only thing I concentrated on and exerted energy for. Each day was so full, but I felt so rested and spiritually, emotionally, mentally at peace.

Just riding the waves of sweet waters of grace.

Resting and afloat...with the knowledge that He would not let me wander off path, that I could slip my eyes shut and He would still see me to shore.

I would love nothing more right now than to have that...to have a week of quiet and peace, away from noise and stress and the outside world, even from clocks and my phone. A week, or even a weekend of God-filled grace.

And nothing else.

My heart is so hungry for it, it almost hurts. A sort of ache, deep within. I need my God.

Those heartstrings people talk about? The one between my heart and His is pulling - taunt and strained. I need Him and He needs me.

A Reflection: Why We Need Lent

(Reposted from my personal blog, My Spare Oom.)

Lent.

So simple a word, and yet so fraught with meaning.

It's a word that both challenges and beckons. What is Lent...and why do we observe it?

There are many answers, but perhaps the simplest and most personal is that it's a time when God reminds us to turn to Him. It's a season when He stirs our hearts and whispers, "I'm here. Beneath the flurry of classes, beneath the ceaseless noise of keyboards typing, iPhones beeping, teachers calling out assignments, and the sound of each day being lived out...I'm here. Right now, with you. Waiting for you. Ready to give you peace."

I've written before in past years what Lent means and why it's celebrated. But this semester, I was struck with its meaning in an entirely new way. God showed me through several experiences why Lent is associated with penance, with sacrifice...it's not the most joyous time, Lent. None of us like forgoing our favorite foods, sweets, coffee, Facebook, or whatever it may be that we've given up for Lent.

It's because Lent is about realizing our brokenness. It's the quiet realization that we are not the most important thing in this enormous, amazing universe - and that we never have been. Lent is looking in the mirror and understanding that if we shine, it's because we are reflecting the Most Beautiful Person who is, has, and will be.

Because when we acknowledge that we are humans who fall, when we accept that we perhaps haven't done the best job, we're acknowledging that God's presence in our lives is the only perfect thing about us.

But the good thing about realizing that we're broken? Broken things can be repaired - and our God is a God of love. He is gentle, He is kind, He is tender. And He's calling us to Him.

Perhaps this semester's started off on a rough note. Perhaps you're stretched beyond your means. Perhaps you're feeling inadequate.  Perhaps you're struggling with a toxic relationship, or one that isn't going the way you wish it would. Friends, it's this exact time - during these exact hardships, that God is waiting. For you. While He may not be "a tame lion," He's not going to force you to love Him. Instead, He waits for you, because He knows your heart better than anyone else. And another thing, friends. Only He can truly satisfy it. Because He knows you perfectly, and no matter how dear your family, your friends, or your significant other is...your heart is always longing for God. Because true peace and joy come from Him.

 So this Lent, take some time to carve out a moment  - even if it's just a moment - to rest in God and ask Him for peace. Take a step back and evaluate how you are doing with your Lenten goals? Do you feel worried and stressed, guilty that you haven't been participating in Lent like you feel you should have?

Breathe, friends...breathe. And gently bow your heads, swallow that pride that we struggle with daily, and ask God for His graces. The grace to rest in Him.

• Follow a Lenten scripture reading plan - there's a great free Bible app for the iPhone called "Holy Bible" by YouVersion that has a wonderful selection of bible study plans. #SheReadsTruth is wonderful!
• Try making it a goal to attend morning or evening Mass during the week - even if it's only once or twice
• Join a Bible study and really delve into scripture
• Check your church's bulletin or website for information about any Lenten services they may offer.
• Chose one day during the week, like Friday, on which Lenten penance is especially observed, and commit to 15 or 30 minutes of prayer that day.  
• Many Catholic churches offer a plethora of Lenten services from daily Mass, Adoration, Confession, reciting the Divine Mercy Chaplet (a special series of penitential prayers), and the Stations of the Cross
• It's okay to start small!

So that brokenness? That aching heart? That spirit, so overwhelmed and exhausted by everything that needs to be done?

 Bring it to Him. I guarantee you, He won't let you down. This is God, we're talking about, after all. He happens to be amazing.

A Hello and Sharing My Heart

Hello! It's Grace popping into say 'Bueno' and apologize for my prolonged silence. The past fall semster (my freshman one) took me a bit by storm and I practically vanished from this blog. Several classes and a Christmas break later, I am just starting off my spring semester of my freshman year, but I hope to be around more in the coming months.

If some of you have read my blog, you might have seen a post I did a while back, called "Sharing My Heart." I received the idea from another blogger, but I wanted to do something similar on here and share what's been stirring in my heart lately with God and my faith.

~~~

Girls, I wish you could know how much I love writing for you. 

How inspired I am by you and my beautiful fellow contributors...there is so much of God's grace and love abounding, that it is truly a joy to think of you all and realize that you too

are seeking Him, 

hungering for His presence in your life, 

striving to live a joyful life that praises and glorifies Him in every way. 

It is such a blessing to be able to type these words and share my heart with you sweet, sweet girls (and guys, if there's any reading!). The fact that you are here, that you are reading about your Faith, that you are living it out is sheer loveliness and true testament to God.

You are being the light of Christ. 

When we pursue goodness and truth and beauty and fellowship with one another...we are living our lives the way God calls us to.

With love.

So thank you. 

Thank you for reading. For being.

You are great - God is doing great things in you and through you. Always remember that. We're all on this journey together. And I am so blessed to be walking with you, my sisters. 

Modest Monday: Out on the Town and All Dressed Up

Happy Modest Monday (and beginning of September) everyone!

 It's been a while since I've posted here due to the craziness of starting college - Liz started also - but hopefully you'll be hearing from me again soon. :)

 In the meantime, here's the newest Modest Monday post over at my blog, My Spare Oom.

May you have a blessed, happy, and safe Labor Day!

Modest Monday: Fashionable Flights

'Tis rather belated, but here's my most recent Modest Monday post!

 I share my tips on dressing for travel - especially via airplane flights! You can find it here, at my blog, My Spare Oom.

Modest Monday: 4th of July Style

Happy early 4th of July!

 I don't know about y'all, but I'm already getting in the spirit. And what better way to do so than by dressing for the occasion? 

You can find the rest of my outfit on my blog, My Spare Oom. Happy Modest Monday (and 4th of July week)!

Modest Monday: Beatin' the Heat, Modest-Style

Hey, girls! Happy Modest Monday to you. :)

Today, I'm posting over at my blog, My Spare Oom, about dressing modestly in the heat. Come take a peek - and feel free to leave a link or picture of your own MM outfit!

Modest Monday Week 3: Rain, Sunshine, and Roses

It's Monday....which means

 It's also Modest Monday! :) Click over to my blog, My Spare Oom, to check out my latest Modest Monday outfit. 

 

 Show me yours! I'd love to see what you wore today. All you have to do is post a pic of your outfit, write a bit about it (the different peices, your inspiration, etc.) and link to my blog. Then pop on over to My Spare Oom and leave the link to your Modest Monday post. If you don't have a blog but still want to join in, send me a picture of your outfit!

 You can email me at raewyn83@gmail (dot) com, Instagram (raewyn83) or Tweet me (GracefulEats) your pic with the tag #modestmonday.

Introducing Modest Mondays

(Reposted from my personal blog, My Spare Oom)

Hello, CYW readers! I thought I'd share with you a series of posts I started on my blog, called Monday Mondays. I've felt strongly called to start this series and am very, very excited about what God will do with it. Each week I post a modest but stylish outfit that I'm wearing each Monday, along with some thoughts on modesty. 

(Here's the first Modest Monday post. And here's Week II: Being a Girl of Substance in a World of Fluff if you're a new reader or are catching up.)

Why?

 Because I believe you don't have to sacrifice fashion for purity. 

 Modesty does not = frumpy. 

These are outfits I really, truly wear in my day-to-day life. I'm a girl determined to live a life of purity, modesty, and plenty of style.

So many girls feel the need to wear tight, clinging clothes to make a statement. After all...they have to be bold.

 Be sexy. 

Be different. 

 That's what the world tells them.

But what is different? Is it looking like every other girl or woman out there who happens to have the same idea? Is skinny jeans or wearing only a tank top for a shirt actually original? 

Hardly.

 Last week, I said that modesty is liberating - and that is true! When you are properly covered, you don't have to worry about shirts riding up, jeans/skirts sliding down, or the neck of your top gaping. 

When modesty is your first priority, your outfit becomes something you can move with ease and comfort in. And when you're comfortable, your style shines through. You're not preoccupied with making sure your clothes don't start misbehaving. You can dress with as much chicness, cuteness...or attitude as you want.

Case in point? Today's outfit.

 

I wore this not too long after the Taming of the Shrew performance I directed for a college class this spring for Honors credit. I chose to place the play in a modern setting, so for Katherine (who I played), we went for a "street punk" look. The actual costume included fire engine-red jeans. I'm much more of a skirt girl, so this was my "real-life" take on Kate. :)

Plaid shirt (borrowed from my sister's closet), Gap black camisole, thrifted black skirt, a friend's studded belt, beanie, and peach Croc flats. 

Everything from the waist up was part of my costume; I decided to soften the look and add a further touch of femininity with one of my favorite black tea-length skirts. The fluffy tulle layer at the bottom sweetened the overall look and balanced out the studded belt (which I loved, loved!). 

 

 If you don't have a studded/spiky belt, I highly recommend investing in one. It does wonders for your confidence. ;)

 Stripes. They make me happy. 

  

The red-and-black beanie was a fun pop of color and added another pattern to the mix, picking up on the plaid shirt. I used to be afraid of mixing prints and patterns, but I'm enjoying mixing them and stepping out of my comfort "everything-has-to-coordinate-perfectly" zone. This actually belonged to my friend Ariel who ended up giving it to me during the play. I'm looking forward to being able to wear it more frequently in the fall/winter!

 

So there you have it. This outfit was so much fun to wear, yet utterly comfortable. I trekked across campus, sat at desks for hours, and went through my entire day is perfect ease. Not only that, it was just a sheer fun and attitude-filled outfit. I still felt very feminine - and completely modest. I usually tend toward the flowy, Bohemian look or classic but casual skirt and cardigan combo, so I enjoyed trying a different style.

 

 I'd be so delighted if you reposted about Modest Monday on your blog or Facebook! Please help spread the word and encourage girls/young woman you know to take part.

What's your usual style? What's the hardest part about being modest for you? (For me, definitely finding things that aren't too tight. Companies seem to make clothes that run snug on purpose!)

Beyond the Internet: A Follow Up to Choices, Clutter, and the Catholic Young Woman

Moderation, in all things, is an admirable goal.

 Jane Austen, whose many characters exemplified that virtue - or lack thereof - readily illustrated the fact in her writing. No doubt the humble authoress herself held and practiced that belief whether about a cup of tea or the recounting of a story. 

 I had just read Laura's spot-on post about the clutter and multitude of choices with which we are daily presented with and found myself agreeing with her points. Later on that day, I picked up a birthday present from a dear friend: a book about none other than the wise and impeccable Jane, entitled A Jane Austen  Devotional, by Steffany Woolsey.  It is a charming little book that serves as a " beautiful devotional, brimming with the wit and wisdom of Jane Austen and the timeless truths of Scripture." 

  Imagine my great amusement when I opened it to where I had left off and turned the page to a section on "The Virtue of Steadiness." It began with a passage from Austen's novel Emma in which the title heroine is young, rich, beautiful, talented, but spoiled . Emma Woodhouse is thoroughly convinced of her own wisdom and matchmaking skills, but fails to realize she lacks steadiness and diligence. The book's devotional section, offered after the passage quote, explains: "It is important for women today as in Jane Austen's day to develop discipline and steadiness in character. (Hmm, really? Dear me...society doesn't seem to think so.) 

 Proverbs 4:23 says, "With closest custody (diligence), guard your heart, for in it are the sources of life."  The book goes on to say, "Make no mistake: the choices that govern your time have direct bearing on the way you lead your life."

 Very true words and ones I can apply to my own life! The next passage echoed Laura's sentiments perfectly: "Do you check e-mail, Facebook, and Twitter daily (perhaps even hourly)? Are more beneficial disciplines  - like time spent in prayer, time with your spouse or children (family), time spent serving and blessing others - being disrupted or even put on the back burner?" 

 I underlined these and the following lines because they spoke deeply to me. In our digital world, where we're connected with the click of a button, the Tweet of a thought, and the slide of a finger, it's easy to fill every moment of our actual, tangible reality with technology and illuminated screens. But these words - and even Jane's books in which her characters dedicated a specific time for "socializing hours" - reminded me that we should not let technology, this "staying connected" phenomenon, rule and shape every hour of our day, or our lives. The concluding lines issued a challenge: "Perhaps it is time to examine what activities and interests you let dominate your waking minutes and hours. Pray about how to best spend your time...and then chose wisely."

 Wise words indeed and ones that fit in well with recent ponderings of mine. Like Laura, I've contemplated the whizzing network the world is plugged into - and examined myself more carefully. For example, I recognize the urge I have to check Facebook first thing in the morning is not one I should foster more than a desire to spend quiet time with God and reading His Word.  While Facebook is not evil per se, neither is it the greatest good. Nor does it need to be my first priority upon waking. There is absolutely no reason that I need to read about other people's business in their personal lives. Sorely tempting as I might be to do so - who doesn't enjoy catching up on what your friends and loved ones are doing/saying? [and I'm not in any way saying that such a desire is bad] -  I know my time can be better spent deepening my relationship with Christ each morning. 

 Yes, it may sound slightly cheesy at first....but deep in our hearts, we all want that kind of relationship with Him. We want the strings of our hearts tied to His. We want to know Him fully, bring our confusion and pain and disappointment and bitterness and hopes and dreams to him. We want to know Him, like we know our mom, our sibling, our best friend, our significant other. 

 So one goal I am working towards is establishing a morning devotional...devoting the beginning of my day to God. Enjoying both a cup of coffee and a cup of His grace. I don't want to look back and remember that  Facebook, Pinterest, or even my favorite blogs stood higher on my priority list. 

At the end of the day, I want to have started my day by reaching for the Bible. 

Not the computer. 

Lenten series: Making Time for God Amidst Busyness

 "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak..."

Oy. I know all about that.

I'm going to be honest (because a little humbling never hurts. It's good for us). We're in the second week of Lent and while I've been pretty good about fasting and abstaining on Fridays, giving up something (no coffee = sleep-deprived college student), I've been struggling with the prayer aspect.

 Despite the holy call of Lent, despite the urging to focus on Our Lord and the time He spent in the desert, I can't deny....it's hard.

 Jesus wasn't tossing words around lightly when he said "Pick up your cross and follow me."

 Friends, I've had a decidedly un-divine revelation. I say undivine because it's been staring me in the face, I've somewhat known it for some time...but I've never really grasped the reality of it before.  

 Life - with our busy schedules, mounting schoolwork, chores and responsibilities, doctor appointments - isn't supposed to stop during Lent. It's supposed to be a part of it.

 Bear with me. :)

 I know I'm certainly guilty of thinking, "Oh, I wish I could have such a peaceful, quiet Lent...like a retreat where I could silence the voice of the world, and spend time with God. A beautiful retreat of prayer, calm, beauty, and relaxation....one that would nourish my soul and spirit." That would be such a good Lent. Right?

But we're supposed to seek God and spend time in prayer amidst the busyness of life...amidst the craziness.

 I've been running around helter-skelter, and haven't been making it to daily Mass as much as I'd hoped I would. Although, part of it is due to my schedule and part of it is because at the end of a long day, I found myself thinking, "...I'd much rather stay home and rest. I've got much to do. I've been out of the house all day - or, I have too much school to do," I'd argue with myself.

 "I don't have time today."

But I have plenty of time...time to check Facebook, check my favorite blogs, etc. All those little intervals of time throughout the day add up. Into a sizable chunk of time that Our Lord is waiting, ceaselessly waiting, for me to spend with Him.

 We wouldn't let our relationship with friends suffer just because we're busy. Texts, phone calls, or chats on Facebook- we do our best to stay connected with them. When you've had one of "those" days where everything went wrong, nothing sounds better than meeting a dear friend for coffee and sympathy or heading over to their house to vent. As soon as we see them, our shoulders relax, we exhale, knowing the person sitting across from us completely understands and cares.

Jesus, of course, is exactly like that. I can go to God, the Creator of this wide, fantastical world...the One who created me and shaped my life. He knows all my grievances, hopes, bumps, and bruises. He know what I love the most, what makes me laugh, what comforts me. But somehow, I haven't been as attentive as I should be.

 I'm sharing this because I don't want to give the glossy, perfect impression that I have it all together as a Catholic girl. The blogging world is a wonderful place to share your thoughts and meet kindred spirits, but it can also pose the danger of making people seem perfect: "This blogger has such an amazing prayer life  - she always posts about how God speaks to her through Scripture; so-and-so is in perfect shape; so-and-so juggles daily Mass with school, teaching, and a hundred other things!" It can be verrrry easy to slip into this thinking. I've done it before.

 Dear CYW readers, I'm plodding along with many a trip and stumble along my journey in Faith. But God is always there to help me - and all of us - up again. :) All the more reason to nurture our relationship with Him!

How to Make Time for Prayer 

 (Note - These are just some suggestions. I suggest just one...when we try to do too much, we burn ourselves out and become discouraged. Also, a small thing done well in private, is just as pleasing to God as a large gesture done for the world to see. If you're very busy, offer up that one thing - God understands! :)

• Chose an aspect of prayer  - one thing  - and try to do that one thing well. Maybe it's going to daily Mass during Lent. Perhaps going everyday isn't possible - how about once a week besides Sunday?

• Pray a decade of the Rosary each day...maybe you don't have the uninterrupted time to say a full Rosary. Start little and build your way up.

• Commit to Adoration one day a week...or 15 minutes everyday, before school/at the end of the day, etc. and build from there. This is my personal resolution. I have a hard time motivating myself to go, but once I'm there, I can easily stay for hours. Something about kneeling and sitting before Jesus in the Holy Eucharist is such sweet balm to my soul...I always end up silently pouring out my heart to Him, and listening in the quiet...just being in Our Lord's presence.

• Decide on a time for prayers, either at in the morning at  the begining of your day or before you go to bed. Set aside 15-30 minutes for quiet reflection, examination of your conciseness, and prayer. Set an alarm on your phone, if need be! Designate that time frame as prayer time. My younger brother will get his bible out and read before he goes to bed...and this is a teenager who loves video games, hip-hop, and sports magazines!

• Pray the Stations of the Cross. Many churches offer the Stations of the Cross (praying a special set of prayers for each Station along the road to Calvary) on Fridays, especially after daily Mass. I attended the ones at our church last year and they were an excellent meditation on Jesus's suffering.

 That's what Lent is about. It's good about giving you a kick off the couch, the computer, and towards Him. Today was a long day of homework. I was sore, I was tired, all I wanted was to throw myself on the couch. But just like getting myself to exercise sometimes requires a pep-talk, I told myself, "Go to Mass. Don't think, don't hem-haw - just do it!"

 And I pushed myself out the door, into the car, and all the way to church...I slipped into a pew, and despite being weary, sore, and mentally-exhausted, peace stole into my heart. After receiving Communion, my step grew lighter, and I was strengthened. It was a beautiful 30 minutes spent in God's presence amidst the busyness of that day.

 Lent reminds us that relationships are a two-way effort. We have to put something into it too. We need to meet God half-way. 

 We're like the stones by this river: it rushes by, rippling and chattering noisily...but these small stones stand firm, calm, and orderly. Beside the river, but not wet. In the world, but not of it. 

No matter how crazy or busy our lives are, there are always moments for God in our day.

 How are you spending time with God during Lent?