Building Up

Recently I came across a Facebook meme that gave me pause:

  

It makes a shocking point. Yes, dressing immodestly is going to attract exactly the wrong kind of attention. And yes, “real” men don’t like it when women dress immodestly. But if we were speaking to one of our sisters in Christ about modesty, as one woman to another, the shock approach usually is  not the best one to take.

Most girls I know accept the basic principles of modesty, and strive to achieve them in their own way. But if a woman needs a reminder to live up to these standards, and perhaps—as is usually the case—isn’t quite aware she’s falling short, would this striking, frontal-assault method really encourage her to change? Wouldn’t the back-handed accusation be more likely to put her off?  

The rare case may arise, of course, when saying something so “in-your-face” and direct may be exactly what is needed to awaken a woman’s self-respect; yet, I firmly believe that when it comes to the modesty discussion among women, the overriding principle which guides our words and actions towards each other in this matter must be CHARITY. It can be all too easy to look down our noses at a woman who is wearing less coverage than we would ourselves, instead of seeing her as a daughter of God who needs to know how truly beautiful and sacred she is. When it comes to changing hearts, encouraging individual girls to respect themselves and their bodies and keep choosing the modest outfit even when another option seems more appealing, we women need to build each other up—not tear each other down.

The technical line between “modest” and “immodest” can be a matter of inches, and when this is the case, some can be discouraged in their efforts if they must forgo a pretty outfit when it is beyond the limit. I think of Maria in West Side Story, begging to be allowed a dress with a lower neckline because she thinks it will be prettier that way: “Just one inch!” she pleads, “What harm can one little inch do?” In the day-in, day-out struggle to find clothes that are modest without being frumpy or uncomfortable, the back-and-forth working out of mere technical details can make us lose sight of the proper perspective on why we have rules about dressing the way we do. And that reminder is where charity comes into play; it is our role as women to encourage each other in our pursuit of modesty, to help other women understand and recollect why modesty is so important, and why it’s worth the extra time and possible frustration. 

Speak to each other about how modesty accentuates and reveals our true beauty. Modesty shouldn’t be reduced to a mere matter of rules and inches, of where the line falls; we must remember that it is really a matter of attitude, of how we treat ourselves—which should be with respect, as temples of the Holy Spirit, designed by God to be uniquely beautiful. It can be easy to forget that modesty is not a necessary pain-in-the-neck, but rather a way of revealing our true beauty by taking extra trouble to respect the sanctity of our sexuality.

Encourage one other in charity. If you encounter a woman dressed modestly, praise her. Let her know she’s beautiful for wearing something that respects her true beauty while complementing her femininity. Who knows—she may have struggled that day to find an outfit that “works.” (We all have been there.) And if an immodestly-attired young lady overhears your praise, perhaps she’ll be influenced to dress with more modesty another day.

And above all, preach by example. Choose your outfits with deliberate respect for the glorious beauty of God’s handiwork in the human body, and do so joyfully, consistently, and without complaint. That sort of example often does more than a whole treatise on the do’s-and-don’ts of modest attire could.

So, this summer, strive to build up your sisters-in-Christ when it comes to dressing modestly in the heat. By your words and actions, help them see through charity and example that modesty is a goal because it is truly beautiful—not just because it’s morally mandatory.