Dwelling In Him: When Your Heart Longs To

(from my Instagram)

I think sometimes how much harder it is to live as a non-religious member.

Nuns and priests, monks and friars, men and women in religious orders are constantly surrounded by God and His Word. Imbued with it, immersed in it. It's their occupation, their job, so to speak.

How much harder it is for lay people, who do not serve official positions in the Church, to seek Him and consistently, loyally follow Him in our noisy, crowded world. To pick out the snatches of His voice amidst the messy jumbled cacophony of our daily lives.

I love going on retreats because everything is about God. Our days are ordered around activities that direct our attention to Him, deepen our focus on Him, and improve our communication with Him. I went on the Awakening retreat (a wonderful college-aged retreat for deepening your relationship with Christ, whether you are Catholic or not)...and for a blissful, wonderful, soul-releasing, and refreshing two and a half days

- for an entire weekend -

all I thought about was God.

No homework, no tests, no worries, no duties, obligations, etc. The outside world did not exist. I never even knew what time it was because cell phones were not allowed on the retreat, in order that we would be "on God's time, not our time."

I experienced many things that can be expected from a retreat, such as talks, prayer, Mass, praise and worship...but I was also completely and utterly blown away by certain aspects of the retreat that I was not expecting.

For a weekend, God was my entire world. 

 

The only thing I concentrated on and exerted energy for. Each day was so full, but I felt so rested and spiritually, emotionally, mentally at peace.

Just riding the waves of sweet waters of grace.

Resting and afloat...with the knowledge that He would not let me wander off path, that I could slip my eyes shut and He would still see me to shore.

I would love nothing more right now than to have that...to have a week of quiet and peace, away from noise and stress and the outside world, even from clocks and my phone. A week, or even a weekend of God-filled grace.

And nothing else.

My heart is so hungry for it, it almost hurts. A sort of ache, deep within. I need my God.

Those heartstrings people talk about? The one between my heart and His is pulling - taunt and strained. I need Him and He needs me.