Heaven Inside Me

It was a rainy, cozy evening and I was exhausted after a long and stressful week at work. The last thing I felt like doing was going back out to go to Mass. Curling up with a book sounded much more refreshing.

But grace nudges gently.

So the evening found me kneeling in the middle pew, praying the Rosary with a handful of others in the church. The Luminous mystery of the Transfiguration was announced. I tried to think about this great Scriptural event, attempted to enter into the experience of what it must have been like to be with the Apostles and Jesus on that mountaintop…

But all I kept thinking about was how I wouldn’t have been worthy to be there. A tired, selfish, anxious little disciple that would have stayed at the bottom of the mountain. Unworthy.

It’s not about being worthy, a voice prodded inside. It’s about being loved. It’s about following the One you love—whether up onto a mountaintop…or down into a valley.

I thought about Peter, my favorite Apostle. Impulsive Peter with his almost funny yet sweetly sincere responses to Jesus at times (build them three tents? Really?!).  He was on that mountain. He even denied Jesus but went on to become the leader of His Church on earth. He was on the mountain simply because He never stopped following.

Consecration time came and my tired soul reached out to Jesus on the altar. In wide-eyed desperation for His grace and strength, it wanted to clumsily jump over all those pews and climb onto the altar with Him. (Okay, so maybe I’m more like Peter than I thought with my funny responses to Jesus!)

But He came to me. Covering me with grace and peace. Tears lurked in the corners of stressed and tired eyes as He gently comforted me with each breath. It’s okay. I’ve got this. You can trust Me. And I could. Instinctively I knew that I could. I had chosen to follow Him, and He had met me here.

I wasn’t on a Heavenly mountaintop. But it didn’t matter--He found me anyway.

And now Heaven was inside of me.