A Christmas Letter

Piazza del Popolo on my last night in Roma.

My dear readers, 

The last Advent candle will soon be lit, and it is time to reflect on yet another year come and gone. My constant refrain this year was, “Life is coming at me at 100 mph,” and it certainly did. Friends lost and gained, weddings, births, baptisms, an unexpected funeral, writing, a semester spent in the Eternal City, prepping for a new job next semester—whew. This year was full of challenges that required me to either grow up or give up—and especially to grow stronger. Three points stick out in my memory as I look back over these experiences:

1) Anything worth doing requires commitment and sacrifice. This seemingly-obvious truth was sometimes hard to handle in the hectic end of sophomore year, and in Rome with a constantly changing schedule. Whether as simple as having a cup of tea with a friend, or as serious as keeping a friendship alive—if it’s worth doing, it involves the selfless gift of time and attention. It can be difficult to really strive for those things that require commitment and the sacrifice of my time, instead of backing out and quietly declining the invitations of grace.  Figuring out how to do that leads me to...

2) The Ordo Amoris. St. Augustine once wrote that that in every man’s life there is an order of loves, a hierarchy, from simple pleasures like sweets to the highest love of God. When this order is out of order, there are serious problems in a man’s life. If everything is in its proper place and God is placed first, then there is peace—“the tranquility of order.”

 

The tomb of St. Lawrence, my patron.

Conflicts between "things worth doing" made it a struggle this year to balance this order; and it taught me to give up some things. When your friends dash out into the pouring rain saying, “We’re going to St. Paul-Outside-The-Walls! Might be our last chance to see this incredible basilica! Wanna come?” and you must finish a paper, spend time with a friend who isn’t feeling well, reply to business emails, take some sorely-needed quiet prayer time, or actually make dinner instead of grabbing food on the run—what do you do?

Even though I failed many times to put the proper order of love in my life, even in petty and pointless ways, He gave me so many chances to try again, and showered me with incredible blessings--blessings that leave me speechless before His mercy. 

Reflecting on these moments of grace, however, I suddenly see how quickly it has all happened. I am now nearly done with college, but it feels like freshman orientation was yesterday. It makes me realize that time is running out—which brings me to my final thought. 

3)   #YOLO.  I’m no longer the 18-year-old freshman with four years ahead of me; soon I will turn 21, and graduation looms ever nearer, with all the important changes it entails. I have little time left in this year, little time left in college. And I want to spend it well. I don’t want to waste it.

The baptism of my goddaughter.

This summer, I wrote about #YOLO—the Twitter phrase used to justify stupid behavior—and about how, really, saying “You Only Live Once” should be a serious spur to make me live my best today. As the year comes to a close, especially in the wake of the heart-wrenching tragedy in Newtown, CT, I am reminded of this yet again.

Sometimes I think we give God excuses for not being our best, for hesitating to live life to the fullest. We say that we’re too busy, or we’re not sure what He wants us to do yet, what our calling is; it is supremely important to discern God’s ultimate plan for us, but we cannot forget that His more immediate will is for us to love those around us right now. I shouldn’t wait for my vocation in life as the time when I’ll really put commitment and sacrifice into how I live, and put the proper ordo amoris in my heart; when I’ll really start to love Him and love others for His sake. I need to start now.   

A year ago, I was eagerly looking forward to God’s plans for me, but not sure yet what they were. While in some ways that is still true, I think I know a little more now where I need to be. The experiences of the past year have taught me, above all, how serious and how real is the spiritual warfare in which we are warriors; there is a battle to fight, a battle for genuine love, a battle that begins in my heart and with how I choose to live. And by that choice, by the joy I must proclaim in Christ as Our Savior, I need to witness to the world. I have to proclaim the truth by a life lived for Him, proclaim how great is His love and how deep my debt to His goodness.

No excuses. No wasted opportunities.  #YOLO.

Here ends another day,

during which I have had eyes, ears, hands,

and the great world around me.
Tomorrow begins another day.

Why am I allowed two?
-- G.K. Chesterton

All the best and a blessed, very Merry Christmas to all of you! I will keep you in my prayers—please keep me in yours!

God bless!

~Lauren