Why I Date

Clare wrote a post last month called "Why I Don't Date," offering some very sensible reasons to avoid the dating scene. Her post gave me pause, however, because, you see, I do date. I went on my first date when I was 17 years old and have gone on dates with some regularity ever since. Even if my relationship with a particular guy doesn't work out, I genuinely enjoy the dating experience, and I think that dating is a healthy activity for the average Catholic young woman to engage in. So, with Clare's permission to open up the floor for discussion, here are my reasons for Why I Do Date:

1. Because I'm in my 20s and out of college. Clare had a very good point when she said that the phenomenon of preteens dating is silly and misguided. Similarly, there isn't a whole lot of dating on college campuses, no matter where you go (although there is some). But in the adult, post-college world, everyone dates. It's pretty much what people do. You might meet the occasional person who prefers "courting" to "dating," but in practice, as adults living away from our parents, the difference between the two is negligible. Going on dates is the most common way to get to know a guy and start a romantic relationship. Which brings me to my next point...

2. Because it's a good way to get to know a guy. It's certainly important to get to know a guy in the context of his family, and a guy's friends are excellent indicators of the kind of man he is. But think about it - if you end up marrying this guy, you're going to be spending an awful lot of time alone with him for the rest of your life. Better make sure you get along just the two of you. Besides, people act very differently in a group setting than they do one-on-one. A guy might be the life of a party with his friends, but pays little attention to you in private. Similarly, a guy who is shy in a group may be kind, sweet and sincere one-on-one. A relationship is ultimately about just the two of you, not about his mom's or your best friend's opinion, and it's important to acknowledge this by spending time together privately.

3. Honestly, because it's fun! I love the whole experience of going on a date. You get all dressed up and pretty, you get excited butterflies in your stomach, you go out to dinner, and you do something enjoyable with a kind, cute man. However, this comes with a caveat: As fun as dating may be, you don't want to lead a guy on. Saying "yes" to a date should be because you really like the guy and want to get to know him better. It's probably not a good idea to go on a date "just for fun!" - unless the guy is on the same page and is ok with that approach. Ideally, of course, you're already good friends with a guy before dating him. It would be awful to go out with a guy you don't know very well only to discover that he's actually not a gentleman at all. So yes, it's fun, but one must be cautious and mindful of the guy's feelings.

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So you see, there are also a few warnings that should go along with dating. After all, as with all matters of the heart, there is the danger that things could go wrong. There are certainly good reasons to choose not to date, and with that in mind, here are some things I've learned from my own experiences and those of my friends to make dating a better, happier, holier experience for everyone.

1. Be awfully wary of physical intimacy. As Catholic young women, we've been raised to understand the importance of chastity. Our parents and teachers taught us this stuff for a reason, and they were 100% right. I personally think that, as far as physical intimacy is concerned, you can't move slowly enough.

2. Remember emotional modesty too. As women, we are more attracted by what we hear from a guy than how he looks. If you find start confiding all your secrets and your life story to a guy, and he proves a sympathetic ear, you will probably end up falling for him. Emotional boundaries are as important as physical ones, and people don't talk about this nearly enough, in my opinion. Be private and discreet. If you possibly can, don't confide in a guy friend (even if you think you could never fall for him); that's what girl friends are for. Save the emotional unveiling for marriage. I wish someone had impressed this upon me at an earlier age.

3. Don't expect to marry a guy you date in your teens. Unless you're more mature than most girls, you probably won't marry your high school sweetheart. Sorry, I know, nobody wants to hear this. I sure didn't. But based on the experiences of almost everybody I know, teenage relationships don't have a tendency to last. So I think, if you can avoid it, it's a good idea not to date in high school. Plenty of time for that later, in college and after college.

4. There's no one-size-fits-all for romantic relationships. I think you really have to take these things on a guy-by-guy basis. One guy might want to go on 3 or 4 casual dates before considering it an official relationship. Another might ask you to be his girlfriend before even going on a single date! Still another might pay for your dinner but not consider it a date (weird, right? But it happens). So I guess all you can really do is kind of go with the flow and let him take the lead.

What do you think? As a Catholic Young Woman, do you go on dates, or do you prefer "courting," or some other model? Why or why not? I would love to hear your opinions!