If any of you follow my personal blog, I mentioned several weeks ago that I was going to begin a series on contentment here at CYW. I've been praying, reading, and planning for a while now; and, for the first time, I've received the boost of inspiration and Grace to begin.
Being content. This is a topic especially close to my heart for two reasons. First, it's something that I always say I should be, but often haven't been...and now finally am beginning to be. And second, it's the foundation for a much more fulfilling life with Christ because it encompasses so many other virtues. Contentment will help with our day-to-day lives, it will help in choosing our vocation, and it will help when we get lonesome for a future husband. And before I start, I know I'm still only at the beginning of my journey, and I don't claim to know the answers to everything; I just want to share some of the words God has been speaking to me lately.
If you read here, you got a little glimpse into something I've been struggling with lately. I'd always been adamant that I would follow God's will and not just my feelings. That's a lot easier said than done, as I soon found out. However, what I found in the result was a beautiful blessing: God dealt me a heartache that was really a blessing in disguise, and then He gave me the Grace to see past that disguise.
Without going into too much detail, I was struggling with curbing emotional feelings for Someone, and still trying to remain on the "friends" level. It didn't help that he seemed to be reciprocating, and we truly were becoming closer as friends. But that was just it...we were growing closer as friends. While trying to guard my own heart, I did let some hopes slip through, and was thus disappointed when the friendship line was firmly drawn between us. I thought I would be devastated; I was afraid I had already given away too much of my heart emotionally.
This is where the blessing kicked in: I wasn't as upset as I thought I was, and the experience actually opened my eyes. I saw this Someone for who He was, and once I really looked, I realized how truly blessed I was to have him as a friend...only a friend. Where I thought maybe he was feeling the same for me as I was for him, he was only acting out of friendship.
I called to mind this verse from Matthew 6:34
Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself.
Truly, I was so worried about my future, and where things could lead, as much as I told myself not to get carried away. But instead of worrying, I found myself content in Christ. I am content with where He has me. I am content with this friendship -- I am truly thankful and blessed by it. Now that I have realized this, I can see so much more beauty in this relationship, and I instantly felt fears, worries, and awkwardness begin to melt away. This is what I wanted all along, and it was through abandonment and trust in Jesus that I received it. For the first time, I truly feel peace.
Trials help greatly to detach us from earth. They make us look to God, rather than to this world.
St. Therese of the Child Jesus