I Will Come In

Hearing God's voice is tough. Knowing when those thoughts and voices are actually from God -- being able to distinguish -- is even harder.

Anyone who knows me knows I am a perfectionist, and am hesitant to make decisions...especially big decisions, like about where to go to college. I feel called to go, I want to go -- that's all settled in my mind. But one of my biggest worries in my life right now is about where to go. And more than that, about discerning God's plan for me. I'm at a point in my life where the decisions I make will determine which way the rest of my life will go.

For the past months, I have gone back on my opinion and changed my thoughts about life and college so many times. And I don't yet have the answers. However, I have started to feel a peace -- a guiding hand; and it is making my decisions just a little bit easier.

We are told that if God wants something to happen, it will -- the path will open and the way will become clear; we just need to remain open to that Way. And trusting God, being entirely open to Him alone...that's hard sometimes. It's really hard, because it means leaving things unknown. Perhaps being insecure in your life because you're waiting to hear from Him.

"I stand at the door and knock, says the Lord. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and sit down to supper with him, and he with me." 

--Revelations 3:20--

Trusting God completely, especially with these big decisions, becomes easier when we remember He is right there, always. If we ever feel that God has abandoned us, He hasn't. Rather, we have turned our back on Him. And when we're ready, and turn ourselves around, He is still right there waiting for us.

Saint Catherine of Siena so beautifully writes:

"...This is how people act who are in love with God. They don't evade the troubles they encounter, whether from the devil or because of obedience. No, the more they find to suffer, the happier they are... For they know that the more their love and will are bound here below, the more generous they are, and the more closely they are bound to Christ." 

(From Magnificat Meditation, July 17, 2011)

I know there will always be suffering, confusion, and doubt. I know that the decisions I need to make and the work I need to accomplish right now is my cross. If I ever feel sorry for myself, I begin to doubt. So instead, I just accept my cross, and ask God to help me carry it. In the same way, I accept these big decisions, and I accept that things aren't working out as I had originally planned. But I keep listening to God, and waiting for him to give me peace in my decision. I'm beginning to see some fruits from this prayer, and I know God stays with me, even when I do have those doubts.