Shine Through Me

There's no reason why I should have seen it.  I was driving through wooded backroads -- my very familiar commute to work -- and my eyes darted up and to the left at just the right moment to see a bit ahead of me and atop a steep hill.  The likelihood of the other drivers noticing is very small because, without warning, you'd have missed it.  But I saw.  In that one glance at just the right moment, I was prepared to see the deer.  Standing perfectly still, like a statue.  Hoping my eyes hadn't deceived me, I glanced again a few yards later.  There she stood, in a small clearing just big enough for the entire creature to be seen.  No antlers, no companions.  It was just she: still, silent, and observant.  Watching the traffic go by, unaware of her presence.

As a deer longs for flowing streams, so longs me soul for you, O God.  My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.  When shall I come and behold the face of God?  My tears have been my good day and night, while men say to my continually, "Where is your God?" (Psalm 42:1-3)

Oh, send me your light and your truth; let them lead me, let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling!  Then I will go to the altar of God, to God my exceeding joy; and I will praise you with the lyre, O God, my God. (Psalm 43:3-4)

Lord, you know the longings of my heart, my deepest desires, my hopes, and my dreams.  But my plans are not enough; not even my dreams alone will fulfill me.  You alone satisfy the hungry heart.  Come, O Lord, and fill me with your love so that it is not me that others see, but you shining through me.

I am weak, though my spirit is willing.  Again and again, I try to respond to His call.  I lie awake in bed, night after night, wondering.  How do I live tomorrow?  How do I greet the day in thanksgiving for a new start, a second chance, another opportunity to be fully alive in Him?

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.  I am the good shepherd.  The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep... I know my own and my own know me, as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep.  And I have other sheep, that are not of this fold; I must bring them also and they will heed my voice.  So there shall be one flock, on shepherd.  For this reason the Father loves me, because I lay down my life, that I may take it again.  No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord.  I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again; this charge I have received from my Father. (John 10:10-18)

You are the Way, the Truth, and the Life.  It is you that I seek when I dream of happiness; you are waiting when nothing else satisfies me; you are the beauty to which I am attracted; you provoked my thirst; you urge me to let go of my past; you read my heart and know my most genuine choices.  There is nothing more beautiful than a grace-filled soul.  Sweet Jesus, I want to be a Saint!  Help me to want what you want for me.

Trust. Faith. Strength. And the chance to put it all into action: courage.

Now on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene came to the tomb early, while it was still dark, and saw that the stone had been taken away from the tomb.  So she ran, and went to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one whom Jesus loves, and said to them, "They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we do not know where they have laid him."  Peter then came out with the other disciple, and they went toward the tomb.  They both ran, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first; and stooping to look in, he saw the linen cloths lying there, but he did not go in.  Then Simon Peter came, following him, and went into the tomb; he saw the linen cloths lying, and the napkin, which had been on his head, not lying with the linen cloths but rolled up in a place by itself.  Then the other disciple, who reached the tomb first, also went in, and he saw and believed; for as yet they did not know the Scripture, that he must rise from the dead.  Then the disciples went back to their homes. (John 20: 1-10)

I am Peter.  Though my spirit may be willing, my flesh is weak.  It would be so easy to tell them that I don't know you.  I would look at the items in the tomb and wonder where you were.  In my heart, it would be worse than Good Friday; we've not only lost you, but now also your body.  I am Peter; I am a coward, I talk too much, I say the wrong things.  You knew all these things about Peter, yet still you chose him for greatness.  You called him a 'rock' even when he did not stay with you.  You built your Church on him.  I am Peter, though I want to be John: young, open, and willing.  He entered the tomb, saw and believed.  He was the beloved disciple, the one closest to your Blessed Mother, the one who knew you.  Through John, you entrusted us to your Mother and gave her to us.  Increase my trust and Faith and help me to always run to her Immaculate Heart.

Every Bitter Thing is Sweet inspired me to pray like this.  I highly recommend this book for reading and studying to delve deeper into your relationship with Christ through Scripture.

Happy Feast Day!

St. Francis de Sales is my saint for 2013. I've loved his words any time I've come across them, so I'm excited to learn more about him and perhaps read some of his works. Today is his feast day! And to honor him, here are a few favorite quotes...

 

(Psst! Do you want a saint for 2013? Check out the Saint's Name Generator, from Jennifer Fulwiler. Give us some comment love below with which saint you get--we'd love to hear about them!)

Do not fear what may happen tomorrow. The same loving Father who cares for you today will care for you tomorrow and everyday. Either he will shield you from suffering or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace then and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginings.

 

Do not wish to be anything but what you are, and try to be that perfectly.

 

Be patient with everyone, but above all with thyself. Do not be disheartened by your imperfections, but always rise up with fresh courage.

 

You learn to speak by speaking, to study by studying, to run by running, to work by working; and just so you learn to love God and man by loving. Begin as a mere apprentice and the very power of love will lead you on to become a master of the art.

 

St. Francis de Sales, pray for us!

How Fasting Can Feed Your Faith

Food=Smile, but Fasting=Grace!

I’m sitting here with an almost irresistible desire to open the fridge. To pull out all those yummy items that I know are in there (or at least what my imagination tells me is in there), plop back down on the couch, and eat to my heart’s content.

But I refrain.

Because it’s Fasting Day. (Pout. Sigh. Tummy growl.)

A few months ago, my friend J. and I were discussing the missing ‘something’ in our spiritual lives…fasting. Sure, I fast with the best of them on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday, counting out my small meals and going to bed early so I don’t notice the lack of my favorite bedtime snack.  But voluntary fasting? Shudder. For someone who loves cooking and baking and—let’s be honest here—eating…fasting was something I was quite happy to shake hands with twice a year and leave it at that.

But whenever I heard that Bible verse, Mark 9:29, about how some demons "can only come out through prayer AND through fasting” (emphasis mine), I’d get a little squirmy. And then I started dating this man who is part of a nationwide group of men that fast monthly—yes, monthly—for their future or current brides (including priests for their bride the Church. How cool is that?). I was discovering that fasting was possible for the average person, for the saint-in-the-making.  Darn. I was kind of hoping it was only meant for those really saintly people way ahead of me on the spiritual path, you know?

So J. and I started our own little fasting group of women, "The Mark 9:29 Sisters." I sent out an email to scores of ladies and was inspired and amazed by the numerous positive responses I received: Women were hungry for the discipline of fasting. (Can we just pause and appreciate that fully-intended pun for a moment? Okay, moving on…) The graces are palpable each month as women of various ages and situations come together in this powerful form of prayer and sacrifice, fasting in whatever way they feel led. For some, it’s simply giving up sweets or some other small enjoyment. For others, it consists of (and I quote J. fondly) “bread and water, baby!”  Yet no matter what choice of sacrifice, the Holy Spirit is pouring out graces upon us and teaching me much.

Fasting itself teaches me more about the way I (ouch) idolize food. About the amount of time I spend each day planning, preparing, and consuming meals (compared to the time I spend in prayer or service!). It teaches me about the way I shrink from tiny sufferings such as a growling tummy. Being hungry for one day reminds me of the many who are hungry every day.

"Whoever comes to Me will never hunger..."

Fasting in community shows me the beauty of united prayer and sacrifice. Prayer requests are often exchanged in the days before the Fasting Day and I’m humbled as I read the needs and heart-cries of my sisters in Christ. I’m motivated by their solidarity and I’m encouraged by their strength. 

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak (Matthew 26:41). I still have my moments of weakness--like when I ate a chocolate chip muffin because, well, that counts as bread for fasting, right?  Yet as Clare reminded us in her post, it is in our weakness that we find our strength (2 Cor. 12:9-10). We recognize our need for God to supply the strength as we seek to discipline the flesh, to empty ourselves of that which clutters our path to Him. The only One who truly satisfies our hunger (John 6). 

What are your experiences with fasting? Are you interested in incorporating this more into your life? Please feel free to visit our fasting group at our Facebook page. We’d love to have you join us!

Beyond the Internet: A Follow Up to Choices, Clutter, and the Catholic Young Woman

Moderation, in all things, is an admirable goal.

 Jane Austen, whose many characters exemplified that virtue - or lack thereof - readily illustrated the fact in her writing. No doubt the humble authoress herself held and practiced that belief whether about a cup of tea or the recounting of a story. 

 I had just read Laura's spot-on post about the clutter and multitude of choices with which we are daily presented with and found myself agreeing with her points. Later on that day, I picked up a birthday present from a dear friend: a book about none other than the wise and impeccable Jane, entitled A Jane Austen  Devotional, by Steffany Woolsey.  It is a charming little book that serves as a " beautiful devotional, brimming with the wit and wisdom of Jane Austen and the timeless truths of Scripture." 

  Imagine my great amusement when I opened it to where I had left off and turned the page to a section on "The Virtue of Steadiness." It began with a passage from Austen's novel Emma in which the title heroine is young, rich, beautiful, talented, but spoiled . Emma Woodhouse is thoroughly convinced of her own wisdom and matchmaking skills, but fails to realize she lacks steadiness and diligence. The book's devotional section, offered after the passage quote, explains: "It is important for women today as in Jane Austen's day to develop discipline and steadiness in character. (Hmm, really? Dear me...society doesn't seem to think so.) 

 Proverbs 4:23 says, "With closest custody (diligence), guard your heart, for in it are the sources of life."  The book goes on to say, "Make no mistake: the choices that govern your time have direct bearing on the way you lead your life."

 Very true words and ones I can apply to my own life! The next passage echoed Laura's sentiments perfectly: "Do you check e-mail, Facebook, and Twitter daily (perhaps even hourly)? Are more beneficial disciplines  - like time spent in prayer, time with your spouse or children (family), time spent serving and blessing others - being disrupted or even put on the back burner?" 

 I underlined these and the following lines because they spoke deeply to me. In our digital world, where we're connected with the click of a button, the Tweet of a thought, and the slide of a finger, it's easy to fill every moment of our actual, tangible reality with technology and illuminated screens. But these words - and even Jane's books in which her characters dedicated a specific time for "socializing hours" - reminded me that we should not let technology, this "staying connected" phenomenon, rule and shape every hour of our day, or our lives. The concluding lines issued a challenge: "Perhaps it is time to examine what activities and interests you let dominate your waking minutes and hours. Pray about how to best spend your time...and then chose wisely."

 Wise words indeed and ones that fit in well with recent ponderings of mine. Like Laura, I've contemplated the whizzing network the world is plugged into - and examined myself more carefully. For example, I recognize the urge I have to check Facebook first thing in the morning is not one I should foster more than a desire to spend quiet time with God and reading His Word.  While Facebook is not evil per se, neither is it the greatest good. Nor does it need to be my first priority upon waking. There is absolutely no reason that I need to read about other people's business in their personal lives. Sorely tempting as I might be to do so - who doesn't enjoy catching up on what your friends and loved ones are doing/saying? [and I'm not in any way saying that such a desire is bad] -  I know my time can be better spent deepening my relationship with Christ each morning. 

 Yes, it may sound slightly cheesy at first....but deep in our hearts, we all want that kind of relationship with Him. We want the strings of our hearts tied to His. We want to know Him fully, bring our confusion and pain and disappointment and bitterness and hopes and dreams to him. We want to know Him, like we know our mom, our sibling, our best friend, our significant other. 

 So one goal I am working towards is establishing a morning devotional...devoting the beginning of my day to God. Enjoying both a cup of coffee and a cup of His grace. I don't want to look back and remember that  Facebook, Pinterest, or even my favorite blogs stood higher on my priority list. 

At the end of the day, I want to have started my day by reaching for the Bible. 

Not the computer. 

Reflection on Reading II of this past Sunday

“Beloved, we are God’s children now;

what we shall be has not yet been revealed.

We do know that when it is revealed we shall be like him…”

(1 John 3:2)

Am I willing to just be a child? A child throwing myself into the arms of my Father? A child waiting for his identity to be fully revealed, but who trusts the Lord to reveal it little by little? A soul who knows that the revelation of Divine Will for me will make me more like Him, if I cooperate and surrender to that revelation?