My Journey In Veiling

I bought it on a whim, after seeing a stand at a conference with a particularly friendly lady selling them. I had seen some women at church wearing them, and ran across several posts on the topic across the internet. The idea of veiling intrigued me. They were pretty and feminine and special. And holy. And I wanted to be holy.

So I bought it and was so excited to wear it. It made me feel beautiful, like I was doing something special for God.

Then I looked around at Mass and realized there were far fewer women wearing them than I had thought. That sometimes moms would look at me funny. Their little daughters would find it amusing or odd or both that I was wearing a white veil on my head for no apparent reason.

I became a little more self-conscious putting it on. I wouldn't wear it outside my parish, where I felt safe and convinced that it's OK because at least a few women were veiling. The feelings crept in doubting my reasons for wanting to wear a veil in the first place. Maybe I did want it to appear holier than others and to show off my piety. After all, veiling is not required by the 1983 Code of Canon Law.

I kept at it, maybe going a few Sundays here and there without it, just to make sure I wasn't getting too self-righteous. I would pop into the adoration chapel without it and be perfectly OK.

Over the past nine months of having this veil, I've slowly gained confidence in wearing it, and understanding in why I wanted it in the first place.

You see, I am definitely not better than any other woman. In fact, I'm probably a lot worse than the unveiled mothers I see at Mass. They know more about sacrifice and loyalty and love than I do, due to raising children in the faith. But my veil is not about me, it's about Jesus.

I veil because it's a physical reminder and an outward sign of my submission to Him. He has authority over His Church and over my life. And He is someone who I don't mind being in submission to -- in fact, I want to.

I veil because I want to reverence with my heart and with my body the Real Presence of Jesus in the tabernacle, and on the altar during Mass.

I veil because it helps me focus less on myself and more on Jesus. In fact, the self-consciousness is probably a good thing, as it will train me to think less of myself and to stop acting for others' good opinion.

It's taken me a while to come to these conclusions. I definitely didn't start wearing the veil having everything figured out! And I definitely don't think my veil makes me a better Catholic than someone who doesn't wear one! In fact, my family doesn't veil -- but I still respect the other women for their great faith and perpetual example to me. I've been to Mass and to Adoration without my veil, and don't feel sinful.

So why do I keep wearing it then, if even I don't think it's necessary for piety and salvation? Because I can tell Jesus is using it to teach me something. He's using it at this point in my life so I realize how close to Him I want to be. He's using it to make me feel beautiful under the guidance of His plan. To slowly learn to let go and fall into His arms completely. And so that I can remind myself of His Awesome power and control over every facet of my life.

I hesitated to share my story out of fear of what people would think, or because I'm sure people question why I feel the need to go to these great lengths just to attend Mass. (To which I'd respond that a minor humiliation or inconvenience to me in remembering to put a veil on my head is hardly anything compared to the inconvenience and suffering Jesus endured on Calvary for us.) So I guess I'll keep it and wear it to show Jesus that I love Him, as long as He wants me to!

Laugh Lines

---by Iris Hanlin

I was watching random video clips on YouTube during my off time the other afternoon, I stumbled across a Nat Geo documentary about the (often ludicrous) lengths some people are taking in order to preserve their youthfulness, to find their own “Fountain of Youth.”

I was shocked and saddened by the whole thing…

One man has devoted his life to practicing yoga and urine therapy in the mountains and another has undergone over forty plastic surgery procedures.  They’ve spent their life trying to obliterate any signs of it on their bodies.

I love my laugh lines and my crow’s feet and my scars...

The way I see it is: why would I ever want to get rid of them?

They tell me who I am.  They share part of my story.  Some of my memories.

That I care.  And maybe even what it is I care about.

Call me too heavy.  Call me too old.  Call me too skinny and young and naive.  But I'm not afraid of telling the world that I think I'm beautiful.

I'm not a narcissist.

I am just a girl.  I'm just a girl who is sick and tired of commercials and corporations and people telling me that I'm not sufficient and how I need to fix myself.

I like who I am, and I'm okay with the way I look.

Sure, I'm not perfect, but I am me.  And I am working on my flaws.

So what if I have a bit of a belly or the beginnings of crows feet around my eyes - I am comfortable with that.

I just want people to know that it is okay to feel beautiful, and that self-love is not weird (to an extent).  It's okay to feel comfortable in your own skin, even if it's not perfect, or up to the world's "standards," if you can even call them that.

I'm fit, I'm healthy.

I'm just right.

You are too.

Iris Hanlin is a 19-year-old second-year formerly-homeschooled journalism student in small town Michigan. She lives a somewhat nomadic life as a professional petsitter, director of public relations for her local pro-life group, photographer, and blogger.  She operates under the tagline "just a simple country girl with a passion for life and everything that comes with it," and the motto "ad maiorem dei gloriam."  She blogs at Country Girl's Daybook.

I Love Modesty

---by Valeria Marta Sesenna

Lately modesty has gone out of fashion, killed by movies and television that want to convince us that if we want to be noticed we have to be sexy. And sexy means too much makeup and not enough clothes. 

Actually the word modesty suggests not really reassuring images: for me a modest girl used to be someone who dresses like a sack of potatoes. Obviously I was wrong, but I still personally prefer to use the word classy. Coco Chanel used to say, “Dress shabbily and they remember the dress; dress impeccably and they remember the woman.” It’s the same with modesty: when we dress too provocatively, we distract men’s attention from ourselves and we concentrate it on our body. They will be too busy watching our legs to notice us. And they are right: if we don’t respect our body, why should they? 

Obviously modest makeup is as important as dressing modestly. I think makeup is a very important part of a woman's appearance, both because the first thing people look at is our face, and because dressing modestly will be useless if our makeup make us look like Moulin Rouge dancers.

Don’t get me wrong, God wants us to be beautiful and attractive, but in the right way. We should always look classy and choose very carefully what we put on our face. First of all we must be appropriate. The same lipstick might be out of place in one situation and appropriate in another. Red lips are very beautiful for a party but at the office they can look a little weird. And also the same makeup can look beautiful on one girl and vulgar on another, depending on the shape of face, eyes and lips.

I’m not going to tell you what you should or shouldn’t use. I think you have to look at the mirror and try different looks to figure out what you feel comfortable in. 

For my face, I decided to do that for school/office simplicity is the best way: foundation, a matte eye shadow, mascara, and a nude lipstick or a gloss are perfect. I want to feel beautiful but also professional because I’m here to do my job and I want my coworkers to respect me. 

For a special event, such as a party, a friend’s wedding, or a date, I like to use sparkling eye shadows or pink lipstick. If I want to focus on the eyes, I leave the lip makeup very light, so I don't overdo it.

Once the outfit is completed I always ask myself: am I beautiful or hot? Will my dress and makeup make people respect me or will they think I’m inappropriate? Sometimes the answer means that I have to change  something or add more clothes. A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous, not naked or hot. Men watch girls dressed in a provocative way but they don’t respect them and don’t fall in love with them, so modesty is definitely the best choice if we want to be loved and not used.

Valeria Marta Sesenna is Italian, 22 years old and she studies law in Milan. She likes reading and writing about fashion and bioethics.

Unique and Beautiful You

You are beautiful.  You are loved.

You are unrepeatable, unique, valuable.

You are sacred in God's eyes.

You are sacred.

You.*

For practically my entire life, I have struggled with self-esteem.  I thought in order to be myself I had to be somebody else.  I thought that by adapting their styles, their beliefs, their level of maturity, their personality, their behavior, etc. into my lifestyle, I would figure out who I am and what I am supposed to be.  I spent much of my time comparing myself to people, especially my siblings, and wasting away the hours of the day daydreaming and longing to be somebody else.

I longed to be somebody else because I thought they were beautiful.

I longed to be beautiful.  Happy.  Cherished.

Beloved.

It wasn't until I was about 16 years old that I began to realize that I am my own person.  I don't have to, or really need to, be somebody else.  I began to look at my family differently and notice the unique personalities, similarities and differences of each member.  They all had one thing in common, but what struck me was how uniquely they each went about being it:  beautiful.

I was a 17 year old Senior in high school.  It was a strange year for me: homeschooled my entire life and now I was being more immediately prepared to venture out on my own path.  I had to discern the difference between what I thought I was supposed to do {namely, follow directly in the footsteps of any one of my older siblings} and what God's will truly was for me.  I wanted to take a year off from academics and serve on NET Ministries as my brother had done several years before.  I applied and went to an interview weekend at Franciscan University.  While there, I prayed and prayed, but was confused by the thoughts in my heart.  I thought that this is what God was calling me to do.  I thought that this would be the perfect way to grow up, to witness to my brother {who has since fallen away from the Faith}.  I thought that this was God's plan for me because one of my siblings had done it before.  And I would have pushed myself through it had NET not sent me a letter asking me to wait.  I was not called to travel with them, at least not that year.

I knew this meant I would be attending the Community College in our area that Fall.  If ever there was something I dreaded, this was it.  I did not want to go to college.  I did not feel I was ready for college.  I did not think I was responsible enough for college.  But going to college and being in a classroom for the first time in my life sounded like a more productive and richer experience to this 17 year old than getting a full-time job flipping burgers.  So I went.

And praised be Jesus Christ!  He knew.  God always has a plan.

That first semester of college, I learned about the Montessori Method for the first time.  It immediately resonated with me as something I would be comfortable with and enjoy coming from a homeschool background.  I was eager to learn more about the method.

This is when I began to realize and accept that God has his own unique and beautiful plan for me and he probably wasn't calling me to follow precisely in my older sisters' footsteps.  None of my siblings had ever done anything with the Montessori Method, much less knew what it was.  Exploring this was a unique adventure that none of my siblings had previously traveled.  It was all me... and God.

A year later I had a job at a real Montessori School.

I. Loved. It.

Still do, in fact.

I've now been working there over a year and have enjoyed every moment {even the less pleasant times}.  God knew.  All along, from the time before I was created, God was writing my story and making me a unique and beautiful individual, unrepeatable, and precious in His eyes.

Beautiful.  Cherished.  Beloved.

It wasn't until just recently that I began to accept God's love for me as me.  God isn't calling me to be my sister, my Mom, or my best friend.  God isn't calling me to be that blogger or the other blogger.  God isn't calling me to be that person in the pew in front of me who looks so beautiful and holy.  He is calling me to learn from them and love them, but he isn't calling me to be them.  He is calling me to be me: ultimately, a Saint.

When in high school, I asked a friend {who is now a priest} for some advice regarding prayer, spiritual growth, and vocational discernment.  His response:

"Pray, pray, and more pray.  Also be a good woman.  Don't grow up too fast, but enjoy life as God brings it to you.  If you work on being the holiest and most virtuous woman of God you can be, your vocation will become pretty clear."

Now in college, under the guidance of a spiritual director, I understand his words in a new and brighter light.  God is not calling me to be anxious, concerned, and worried about yesterday, today, or tomorrow.  If I am so sure that only in God will my soul be at rest, that only on his path will I be happiest -- what reason do I have to worry?  What further proof do I need that his will is my delight?  God is calling me.  He is.  I know it.  I have a vocation; I need not worry about the details.  If I focus on being the holiest and most virtuous woman of God I can be, all will be well.  There is peace and joy in doing the Father's will.

God has a story written for me.  Frequently, I wish I could be the editor.  Despite all the spelling and grammatical errors I contribute, I trust that the manuscript will be revised and polished {through the Sacraments, especially Confession} and ready to print.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever;  His love won't be any different from one day to the next.

*Blessed, Beautiful, and Bodacious: Celebrating the Gift of Catholic Womanhood by Pat Gohn {Ave Maria Press}

Confessions of a College Lady-in-Training

In my spare time over Christmas break, I went through some of Clare's old posts in the "Beauty and Femininity" category. As I've reflected over my last year, specifically my time in college (oh, I know that seems to be all that I write about now, but I can't help it -- it is basically my life now), I realize how very different it is. I was home schooled in my little bubble for 5 years. And in that time was my greatest Faith formation and development of my conscience, morals, and ideals. I feel very blessed that on God's nudging, I went and sought out resources that would help me deepen my Faith and form my feminine ideals. I read multiple perspectives, lives of Saints, began journalling (although that didn't last as long as I'd hoped), and compared to how I could have turned out, feel very grateful indeed for the time I had at home.

And I feel my new challenge is figuring out how to apply these picture-book pieces of advice to a very real world at my school. There's still a "college bubble," but it is very different and I am pretty much thrust into the "real world." Being a lady is a very radical idea--maybe not so radical as at other liberal schools, but still the traditional worldview is not something most girls share. I'm at a school with very empowered women, and the fact that I'm not a feminist is unusual. So, my challenge is how to be an empowered woman, and still be a lady too, amidst many women who are far from exemplifying that ideal of a lady.

I wanted to share some ideas that I've learned from personal experience, in a "confessions" format, about applying some of these ideals to a worldly setting.

Don't put yourself above others: I've been bullied before, because other girls have thought I put on airs, thought that I believed myself better than others. Even if I never thought such a thing, pride is such an easy vice to set in, and we can never be prideful. Rule #1 of being a lady. So, around other women who act far from how you would, we shouldn't gossip about them or look down on them. This may be one of the hardest applications of "love thy neighbor," but it needs to be done. We can see those girls and know we'll never be like them, but that doesn't mean we need to make it known that we hate them for what they're wearing. I think if we ignore all else, if we just try to work on humility, it will be a great start, and the other "qualities of a lady" will follow.

Treating guys with respect: I think this is a big issue in the way of being a lady. Guy-girl friendships are delicate. We've written before about emotional chastity and physical purity. I think a good guide is just to keep this philosophy in mind--you and he will probably be married to different people in the future, so how much would you feel comfortable telling your future husband, and how would you feel if your future husband had done certain things? Specifically, if you wouldn't want to hear about how your future husband cuddled on the couch with a lot of his female friends, then you shouldn't lead guys to do that. With grace, you can help both him and yourself, and these friendships or even dating relationships (regardless of how they turn out) can be a source of growth for the lady.

Traditional femininity: I think there is a type of feminist who can also be feminine. I believe in equality in dignity for women and men, and I also believe if a woman is going to work, she should be treated equally as a man. However, that doesn't mean I think men and women are equal in every way. We're different, physically and emotionally. This idea of femininity needs to be defended. Stand up for yourself, and as has been written here before, let guys help you. Don't feel the need to be able to protect yourself all the time, but be smart and not helpless. Just because I'm able to protect myself doesn't mean I'm going to take the reigns from men. Not everyone is going to hold doors for you, but when someone does, you should certainly encourage it with grace and thanks. I think there is such a thing as being an independent lady, and I think that example is the only thing that will really impart these ideals of femininity to others in the world. If we're just pathetic creatures, then it won't seem ideal or attracting, will it?

Virtues and Morals: Almost every piece of advice on "how to be a lady" that I have read talks about how a lady is always high in virtue and morals, full of grace, and elegant example. Man, these things are really hard to apply in a daily setting. Between rushing to class, trying to find time to eat, rehearsals, clubs, homework...I'm lucky if I've managed any makeup, let alone jewelry or a nice put-together outfit. But I think it's the little efforts that make the biggest difference. We can't start being virtuous in a bunch of different ways all at once, but maybe if we remember one thing each day, it will slowly build. I find there are definitely more things to worry about in my daily schedule than these ideas of grace, and posture, and ease, and virtue. But we have to keep trying. One of the biggest things I've learned is that I need to have expectations and goals for myself, but they can't be too outrageous. From the little resolves  will come bigger ones.

Gentility: Last confession. I am probably one of the most awkward people. I always joke and say that I don't know how to handle awkward situations--I just make them more awkward! And I've read how a lady is supposed to be able to put everyone at ease, include everyone in the conversation, and radiate an aura of grace and self-confidence. Gee, that's a lot easier in one's family or close circle of friends. But in the real world, even the college world? This is probably one of the areas in which I fall the shortest, because I'm honestly still working on not making situations awkward. But I do think one of the things I can do is remember kindness. If we remember that, then we won't be tempted to gossip. In an awkward situation, if we remember kindness, we'll try our best not to make others feel uncomfortable because we know how much it can hurt. And in the end, we're all trying our best. We'll feel awkward, so we can't always keep others from feeling the same.

I don't think a lady has to be perfect. I don't want to drop these ideals, but I have learned that sometimes it's really hard to apply them in real situations. We see pretty pictures like that above, and these are inspiring, even if they are a bit impractical for the "modern world." I want to write to other young women trying to be ladies--we have time to keep learning. We have the ideals. We're probably far from how we'd like to see ourselves, but if we thought ourselves perfect, then that would be pride now, wouldn't it? And we'd have nowhere to strive. I don't really want to worry about perfect posture, and grace, and mannerisms because I'm not perfect. I can only afford to put in a little extra effort toward this "lady training," but I think sometimes, that's all we really need.

Would any of our worldly readers care to share their advice and experiences about radiating these ideals of femininity and ladyship in a very secular mainstream world?

Beat the Heat: A Few Modesty Tips

Summer heat is probably one of the biggest enemies of modest attire  As the thermometer rises into the 90's (and 100's for some of us!) it can be frustratingly difficult to find an outfit that is both modest and supplies sufficient coverage without leaving us wilting in the heat waves and humidity.

So, in keeping with Grace's lovely "Modest Monday" series, I thought I would share this quick list of summer tips from my friend Rachel's blog. As she writes:

I find it absolutely hysterical some of the things editors and columnists try to get women to believe will make them happier - particularly when it comes to summer wear. Contrary to popular opinion, bikinis are not the only options for swimwear . . . and showing more skin in the summer will not actually help you stay cooler. 

Even those who have heard some of these suggestions before will probably benefit from a quick review at the start of this summer when it's getting hotter everyday and many of us will be living pretty active lives and doing a few more outdoors activities than usual. I hope y'all enjoy this list, and h/t to Rachel for compiling it.

God bless!

Words in Appreciation of the Ladies

I wanted to share with you all this encouraging passage I found while doing some research on Regency Fashions. In the midst of cutting out Christmas cookies and wrapping gifts, I've been watching the A&E mini-series of Pride and Prejudice. Anyway, this just goes to show you that we ladies do have great influence over men. We can aspire them to great things. And also, while we may not know it or think about it, sometimes men notice us far more than they seem to. Just think of Mr. Darcy -- falling in love with Miss Bennet while attempting to keep his feelings private.

~~~

It has been well acknowledged by persons of discernment throughout history that of all the visible creation, God has blessed none with so much beauty as he has woman. This alone would be cause enough for great admiration, yet when woman adds to physical beauty such treasures as the beauty of good character; nobility, grace, generosity, affability, and discretion, along with intelligence, taste, wit and a sense of style, then she is a higher work of art indeed. It is no hidden thing that women have great influence over men. A low woman may be able to reduce a low man to the level of a swine. But a true lady has the ability to lift, inspire and ennoble a good man toward chivalry, gentlemanly ideals and greatness itself.

Ladies, do polish your physical beauty and allow it to shine, recognizing that your attire does matter, yet take even greater heed to the development of those qualities which will bring depth to beauty's luster. When you have done this you will discover great power in making use of all to inspire the good men around you to higher levels of their own.

Your fond admirer,
Lord Scott

From here.