On Discernment, Part 1

Being Raised in the Faith

I'll be flat out honest: I've always felt that I'm called to the vocation of marriage.  That said, I've also always been interested in religious life.  This, I think, is what makes the discernment process difficult: we must discern between two incredibly beautiful ways of life.

I digress.

All throughout Elementary and most of high school, I was set on my discernment of one day being a wife and mother.  In high school, though still set on the idea of marriage, I began dating Someone, which really was simply succumbing to peer pressure.  Nevertheless, in that time my spiritual life deepened.  I began purposefully attending Friday night Holy Hours {read: my parents generally took me and my siblings, but one can sit there and do nothing or one can sit there and participate in prayers and add their own reflection during the silence}, making monthly confessions, and - again - purposefully attending daily Mass.  I learned more about God, love, and spirituality that way than I likely would have had I been dating a high school peer.

My Faith, though, contrary to what I thought, was not real to me then.  This reality was presented to me by way of a rejection letter from a missionary program I had applied for directly out of high school.  They told me my Faith was still so young and I should spend a couple more years at home, learning and growing, before venturing out into deeper waters with their mission.  I didn't understand them then, but I do now.  And they were absolutely right.

Getting Deeper in College

My Faith slowly but surely became real to me in college.  I still desired marriage, was interested in the concept of religious life, but had no intention of pursuing that interest.  I became involved in FOCUS Bible Studies and little by little became more open to discovering the true richness and beauty of the Faith.  I thought I already knew so much about the Faith, having received a solid Christian formation as a youth and having been instructed by some very intellectual people.  The truth was that I hadn't yet made it my own.  Surely, I was working on it, but was not there yet.

Good, Godly Friends

Before my Junior year of college, I befriended another like-minded girl who was on her way to Freshman year of college.  Yes, at the time, it is that much of an age difference, but it turned out for the better.  Her dedication to discerning God's true plan for her life was so inspiring.  She seriously discerned religious life for a time and, though she found it incredibly beautiful, welcoming, and inviting, she made a decision to more seriously discern marriage and is, today, being courted by a great, very handsome young man.

By watching her, I began to realize that, though I still feel called to marriage, I couldn't be happy and content within marriage until I was peaceful about religious life.  I had to seriously discern religious life first.  The one thing that held me back was a fear that I might discover God was actually calling me to religious life.  I brought that to prayer and discussed it with my spiritual director.  I read the Bible {ladies, Song of Songs.  Read it.}, prayed the rosary and continued attending daily Mass and frequenting the Sacrament of Confession.  And little by little I became more open to discerning religious life.

My friends, this did not happen overnight.  If you find yourself feeling "stuck" like this, bear in mind that it took me nearly a year of prayer before I reached this place in my discernment.  In light of that, please don't feel frustrated either.  Each person's story is a little bit different and God works in different hearts in different ways.  He'll reach out to you differently, perhaps, than the way He reached to me.

Part 2: purposefully discerning the religious and marital vocations.