This is going to be more of a musing, questioning post than anything else, and I would love it if you all chimed in with your thoughts. The question of what exactly the ideal woman looks like has been on my mind a lot lately as I grow older. There's never been any doubt in my mind that I would like to be as close to the ideal woman as possible when I'm 'all grown up', but I wonder more and more what that means.
It's fairly easy to point to the ideal man if anyone is wondering what he would look like. Specific examples are easy to come by. Lots of people point to Mr. Knightley from Emma. Most of the time I point to St. Thomas More. He was an accomplished and educated man, intelligent, with a fine sense of humor and a quick wit, strong principles that he adhered to but never beleaguered others with unless it was necessary, a great loyalty to country and a great loyalty to God.
But if I were asked to point to a specific person as an example of the ideal woman, it would be hard to do so. The best examples I can think of are women the rest of you have never heard of, because they live and work out of the public eye. Of course the Blessed Virgin can be pointed to as the paradigm of womanhood, but it seems that in a large part she's the model of what our spiritual lives should be. The Gospels are very silent as to any exteriors of her life: what she wore, how she kept her house, how she associated with her neighbors in everyday life.
This leads me to wonder if the ideal woman is one who works in privacy? That is to say, is it hard to point to a specific example of an ideal woman because if she really is ideal she's somewhat hidden from us, in the way that the Blessed Virgin and every detail of her life is hidden from us?
Pope John Paul II emphasized that a woman's primary vocation was motherhood, whether that motherhood were biological or spiritual. Motherhood seems to entail some amount of removal from the business of the world to nurture and love. I'd venture that a man's primary vocation is fatherhood, whether biological or spiritual, but I'd also say that this calling entails going out into the world to provide and defend, unlike the mother. Hence it's easy to see the ideal man, bustling about in the affairs of the world, like St. Thomas More.
And perhaps the ideal woman is the one we as a public don't tend to see. Perhaps she's the woman in our town that we know of, but no one else. Perhaps some of her perfection comes in being hidden, like the Blessed Virgin, never ostentatiously out in the public eye but somehow changing every bit of the world around her for the better.
What do you think of the idea that the best work of the woman, the thing that makes her an example of the ideal, is accomplished in privacy and quiet? Can you think of the traits that ought to belong to this ideal woman? Do you have any ideas of what she is and how she can be described?
This is a really hard question that I often ponder myself. There are certain characteristics I would love to be that I often associate with the ideal woman: elegantly organized, an efficient cleaner, an excellent baker and cook, an expert seamstress... And well, I fall short on all of those! In part, some are just not in my personality, some I lack the talent, and some I just haven't practiced enough!
ReplyDeleteWe're quite complex creatures. Some women are more outgoing than others. Some women are dainty and others lean more on the tomboy side. Some women are scholarly and others work better with their hands.
I think the ideal woman though, is one that takes advantages of all the special gifts God has given her gender and her individual personality. The ideal woman is one who is able to ennoble her fellow man by her words and actions.
Alice Von Hildebrand gives beautiful examples of the advantages to being a woman in "The Privilege of Being a Woman."
Personally, I'd have to say there is no ideal woman or man. We do have examples of beautiful womanhood in history and in our lives, but I think what makes them beautiful and truly womanly is that they have become the best version of themselves. I've recently discovered that I need to stop trying to live up to the ideal that I've made up in my head and to be myself, warts and all. I'm focusing on becoming the unique woman God has created me to be.
ReplyDeleteI only have time for a quick answer, but I'd like to say that one of my models is Bl. Zelie Martin, the mother of St. Therese.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting read! Thank you for the thought provoking examination, I'll be thinking about this today, and shared your post with our readers so they can think on it too!
ReplyDeleteA perfect woman wouldn't push her accomplishments forwards, but would do her work silently and with love. In this way I believe she would be a private worker. A woman's work is in the home, where not many people see.
ReplyDeleteI strive each day to grown more like the perfect woman, but sometimes it's so hard to even imagine what the perfect woman would be like. Certainly nothing like impatient bad tempered me.
I don't think that the work of the ideal woman is necessarily accomplished in privacy and quiet, but rather that whatever that work is, it is done without attracting undue attention to herself. This being said, I would say that the ideal woman would be modest, but not falsely so, intelligent in some way, a person who cares about others' well being before her own, but without neglecting herself. I'm certain she should have other qualities, but I can't think of any right now. Also, I don't think we should ever say that the ideal woman looks a certain way, especially since the secular world likes to tell us that we should all look differently than we do.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful! I constantly look up to our Blessed Mother as an example in my spiritual life and ask her to intercede for me. I pray that I may imitate her discipleship and love for Jesus as much as possible. I think some beautiful traits Mary posses are humility and obedience. Through these triats, she continues to turn our hearts towards her Son.
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